


You Can't Hide Forever

by hmweasley



Series: Piece of Forever [2]
Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-19
Updated: 2015-09-05
Packaged: 2018-04-15 15:10:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 58,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4611369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hmweasley/pseuds/hmweasley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leah Clearwater has finally started to believe that her life is turning around. She’s still sorting out what exactly she plans to do in life, but at least she’s moving somewhere. Her brother seemed to be too. While Leah wishes she knew what was going on with Seth, he refused, instead striking a deal with her that he’ll open up as soon as she admits that she has feelings for Embry Call. There’s just one problem: She most definitely does not have feelings for Embry, no matter what Seth claims. Sequel to A Crappy Little Piece of Forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. January

**Author's Note:**

> Here we go with the sequel to A Crappy Little Piece of Forever. I wouldn't say that having read the first one is absolutely crucial to understanding this one, but you will get more of what's going on and have a better understanding of some background information. I hope you all enjoy it!
> 
> Huge thank you to both of my betas for helping with this chapter: Jezebel Jai-Braxlin and cmaa225 (both ffnet usernames).

**January 7th, 2008**

Nessie Cullen had a shit Christmas. I hadn’t seen her in a couple of weeks, but I knew that much.

I’d patrolled with Jake several times since Nessie’s favorite “aunt” and “uncle” left town. Each time I had been inundated with his anger. It was almost at the same level as his Bella days. His imprint wasn’t getting over her sadness, and Jake wanted to fix it.

But he couldn’t. Because the only solution was dragging Rosalie and Emmett all the way back from England. Regardless of how much Nessie begged, that was one thing Jake couldn't do.

It was a bittersweet feeling for the wolves. More vamps gone from the area was a good thing. Rosalie and Jake especially had always had a terrible relationship. I knew Jake, in particular, was thankful she was gone even while mourning the loss for his imprint.

While I’d had no choice but to listen to all these thoughts of his while we were on patrol, I’d avoided facing Nessie.

In an attempt to cheer the girl up, Bella and Edward had planned a trip to Alaska for Christmas to see the Denali. Jake had been invited as well but managed to get out of it. I wasn’t sure how it had gone. Jake was too cranky for me to bother asking.

That was, until today. Today I was watching her because Leah Clearwater was the obvious person to shove upset toddlers at.

I wasn’t sure what turn of events had led to Nessie being left in my care. All I knew was Jake had called last night to ask if I could do it. Considering my school didn’t start back up for another week, I’d had no good reason to say no. Watching the little monster wasn’t troublesome enough for me to put up much of a fight against it.

Despite everyone’s worry, Nessie was in a better state when Jake dropped her off than she had been back in December. I wondered if I was the only one to pick up on it after being gone from her for so long.

Sure, she wasn’t all smiley like normal, although I couldn’t list that as a bad thing. She wasn't pouting like the last time I saw her. That was an improvement.

She was quiet. That was the only thing that might have been unnerving, but Nessie had always been quiet when I watched her. She was sitting there reading one of her books like usual. There was nothing out of the ordinary about that.

The first time I believed the others might not be exaggerating was when it was time for The Magic School Bus to come on. Nessie always counted down the minutes until she could turn on the TV, so it was surprising when I had to turn it on instead. Nessie hadn't given any sign of wanting to watch.

That didn’t stop her from watching her favorite TV show intently, a little too intently. Usually, Nessie would complain about the unrealistic aspects of the story. Today, she preferred staring at the screen with her mouth in a thin line. She must be enjoying it as she didn’t go back to her book, but she wasn’t enjoying it in the way that she usually did.

By the time the credits were rolling, I’d had enough of the quiet.

“You want to talk?” I asked as I reached over to grab the remote and switch off the television.

Nessie fiddled with the book in her hand, more interested in it than me.

“Not really,” she admitted.

I sighed. Part of me was tempted to let it go, but I wasn’t sure I could take the strange silence anymore.

“You sure? I’ve got nothing else to do.”

Oddly enough, being dismissive worked best with Nessie. When I acted like I didn’t care much, it took enough pressure off of her that she was more likely to speak up. She became more open.

I watched her shoulders droop a bit, and I knew she’d managed to let go of some of the tension she was holding in.

“It’s almost been a month.” She continued flipping the pages of her book the way one would watch a flipbook.

I hummed in agreement, waiting to see if she would say anything more.

“I thought it would get easier, but I still miss them. I thought I was supposed to stop missing them.”

With a sigh, I moved closer to Nessie on the couch, preparing myself for the role of comforter. I would never not feel awkward doing this.

“You’re not supposed to stop missing them. Everyone misses people they love who aren’t around, no matter how long they’ve been gone. My dad’s been gone more than a year, and I’m not as sad about it as I was then, but I still miss him. I always will. The only difference is I don’t think about it as much now.”

Nessie watched me as if she were calculating my motives.

“So I just need to stop thinking about them?”

I shrugged. “Kind of. You might have to force it at first, but eventually, you won’t think about them as much without even trying. But when you do, I’m sure you’ll still miss them. That’s what visits are for. And after a visit, it’ll be a bit harder again, but it’ll go away faster each time.”

Nessie’s brow furrowed.

“Think about something else,” she muttered under her breath. Then she spoke up. “I’ve been reading a lot, but I still think about them when I read. I connect stuff back to them. I just do it.”

“That’s natural,” I assured her. “There’s nothing you can do except push it from your mind whenever it happens. Easier said than done, I know. And I'm saying that as a wolf who had to learn to do it to keep her thoughts from a million other people.”

Nessie was still frowning down at her book, but she’d stopped flipping the pages. I could tell that she was deep in thought. Eventually, she sighed.

“Everything would be easier if everyone stayed in Forks forever.”

I scoffed at her. “Not possible. You were going to deal with this sooner or later. At least now you’ll know how to deal with it for later.”

I expected Nessie to throw a temper tantrum, but despite her pout, she refrained herself. Her fists curled up a few times, showing her frustration, but she didn’t let any of it out. After several moments, she opened her book and went back to reading. I read a bit of the page over her shoulder, just now noticing that it was The Odyssey.

“How much of that do you understand?” I asked, more out of surprise than expecting an answer.

Nessie shrugged, not bothering to glance up from the book. “It’s pretty straight-forward once you accept that it’s mythology and has different rules."

“But all the references...”

She looked up at me with confused eyes. “They’re not references. It all came from this book originally, didn’t it? It’s one of the oldest epics.”

I didn’t have an answer to that. Nessie might have had a better grip on ancient Greek literature than I did, and that kind of scared me. Not that I’d ever considered myself an expert. You still didn't want a child to know more than you. The excerpts of The Odyssey I read in high school should have been enough to beat Nessie's knowledge.

An hour had passed before the irony of her reading choice hit me. What I remembered of the story was limited, but I remembered enough. A story of a traveler who’s gone for a long time and comes home to find things in chaos. Had Nessie known all that when she picked it up? I didn’t have a chance to ask before her imprint was stomping into the house followed by my brother and Embry.

The noise levels escalated the second they were in the door without them saying anything. Jake found his way to Nessie’s side immediately. She still hadn’t moved but had made significant progress in her too thick book. Closing it, she gave Jake her first smile all day, but even her wolf wasn’t enough to keep the sadness from her eyes.

Seth and Embry pushed passed me and went for the kitchen where I could hear them rummaging around in the fridge. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at everyone’s predictability.

It took five minutes before Seth and Embry were back with their food and took seats in the living room with the rest of us. I could tell Nessie was trying to act happier now that Jake was here, but she was failing. Something Jake was the only one of the boys to notice.

His eyes glanced over at me, and I knew he wanted to ask how she’d been. But he couldn't without her overhearing, a downside to hanging around supernatural people. I offered him a slight shrug, hoping that would give him some hints about how the day had gone.

“One more semester left,” Embry commented. I wasn’t sure if he was oblivious to Nessie’s feelings or trying to lighten the mood, but I thought it was the latter. “I can’t wait to graduate.”

Seth groaned. “Stop reminding me. You may be finished in May, but I’ve still got three years.”

Embry shrugged. “Sorry, dude. Nothing I can do about that.”

I watched Seth’s face closely. I was still worried about him these days even though he was back to his old self on the outside. I wasn’t sure what was true and what was an act. Despite having been out to Mom and me for a month, Seth wasn’t giving any sign he was ready to come out to the pack yet. Carrying around that big of a secret was exhausting, especially with the pack mind. I’d had a few near slip ups and was always angry with myself for ages afterwards. I could only imagine it was ten times worse for Seth.

You’d never know it by observing him though. He had become better at concealing his inner turmoil. In a way, that left me more worried than the anger had.

“That’s easy to say when you know what you’re going to do with yourself,” Jake complained to Embry. “All I know is that I’ll have to find a job. Besides that, I don’t have a clue.”

“I still don’t know where I got in at, asshole.” Embry shot his leg out to kick Jake.

As if I needed the reminder. I knew Embry had applied to several colleges in Washington state. I also knew that included my school. The possibility that Embry could be invading my escape from La Push was one I didn't like to think about. I was sure he’d get in. I was less sure he’d decide to go. Embry got that school was a safe haven away from La Push for me. I knew he did.

Jake brushed off Embry’s words. “You’ll get in somewhere for sure, even with your terrible attendance record. You have better grades than any of the rest of us.”

“They’re not that great,” Embry muttered.

I wasn’t sure why he was so defensive over how well he did in school. Sure, the guys mocked him about it sometimes, but they didn’t care. Embry acted like their teasing was much more malicious than it was.

Whatever. I’d given up trying to figure him out. He’d have to remain the most mysterious of the guys. As mysterious as anyone could be when I shared their mind regularly that is.

**January 14th, 2008**

This was my second semester of college, yet I still felt like it was my first day. I’d thought that was supposed to go away after months of being here. As it was, winter break had left me feeling like I was never a student here, like I’d dreamt the last semester.

It wasn’t like I had much to show for my previous attendance other than some completed credit hours. Which was the “real” point of college obviously, but it wasn’t why I was here. A possible degree was an added benefit, but I’d wanted to occupy my time, which I had. I just hadn’t achieved my other main motive of befriending people who hadn’t known me my entire life.

Sure, I’d had Lucas, but that had fallen through pretty spectacularly. I was set on trying to befriend a girl, someone who wasn't getting close only because they wanted to date me. That, and I had far too many guys in my life as it was. It wasn’t like I needed more.

What I lacked in was girls to talk to. The only ones I had were my mother and the imprints. My preferred friend could be in a relationship, but I drew a line at anything cringe-worthy. That was a prerequisite of imprints.

The one reminder I wasn’t a new student was that I already knew where to find each of my classes. I also knew ways to remain inconspicuous going into a classroom and my preferred seat when I got there.

I was just lacking the friend or two that would serve as a sign that I did, in fact, know people here. Everyone else around the room had one, whether they’d come in together or ran into each other upon arriving. One other girl sat a little isolated, scrolling through her phone.

I could have done that, but I didn’t have anyone to text. And I didn’t even have Internet on my phone to do anything else. So fiddling with my pens for a few minutes it was.

 

I felt less self-conscious once the lecture began. After that, I wasn’t a lone wolf among a pack. I was just another student listening to the professor talk.

Another sign I wasn’t a new student: the syllabus talk was more monotonous than last semester. Fighting off sleep was a struggle, but somehow, I made it.

I had a break in my schedule after my first class, one that I’d been rather annoyed about during scheduling. It was the same time as the one I’d had last semester, and yet again, I was starting the semester with no idea how to fill it. I wasn’t eager to create set plans like I had last semester either.

I wandered to the library, deciding that using the break for studying might be a smart idea at least some of the time. Last semester me would have been better off for it.

There was just the little problem of it being the first day. Any homework I had after my first class was reviewing the syllabus, which was worthless. Nothing library time worthy, but I went. It provided a semi-quiet place where I could spend time without feeling out of place being alone.

As a sign of the times, the students actually here on the first day were clustered around the computers. I walked past them and wound my way through the stacks, not having any idea where I was going. I kept walking and turning until I was in a particularly quiet area of the library. These books didn’t feel like they got pulled off the shelves as often.

I dragged my finger along them as I skimmed the titles. They were on things like the “McDonaldization of society” and robots’ inevitable rebellion. I couldn’t deny that I was tempted to read about robot rebellions.

Resisting the temptation, I kept wandering until I was out of the bowels of the library. It was complete coincidence that I stumbled upon the billboard with various flyers on it. In the months I’d been attending, I’d never stopped to look at one of these. I'd always operated under the assumption there wouldn’t be anything of interest on it. Sure enough, my eyes glazed over most of the flyers, which were advertising for new club members.

I couldn't deny that joining a club might be a good move though. It was a way to gain access to potential friends, but only if I could find one that wasn’t too... club-y. Out of all of them, two caught my eye. One was the gay-straight alliance, but part of me felt wrong for considering joining. I wouldn’t be outing Seth by doing it, but my joining might send stronger hints to the guys back home if they got wind of it. Better safe than sorry on that one.

The only other one that sounded like I could relate to it was the diversity club, which was an actual thing. I supposed I qualified given that I wasn’t white, although I had no idea what was expected of members. All I knew was that they focused on diversity on campus through “activities.” The whole thing sounded like it could be cheesy as fuck.

International Club sounded interesting, but the longer I looked, the less confident I was that it was the right way to go. It could be a way of making friends, but I had a picture in my mind of a certain type of person that attended clubs. I wasn’t sure if it was for me.

Pushing that worry aside for now, I pulled a notebook and pen out of my bag to scribble down a few of the meetings. I could make a decision about them later. At least I’d have the information then.

**January 16th, 2008**

By the time my classes ended on Wednesday, I had realized another reason why clubs may not be for me: They all took place in the evening, long after classes had ended.

It wasn’t ideal for someone who lived far away and didn’t relish the idea of staying on campus when they didn’t need to.

I did stay though. I’d promised myself I'd attend one club meeting. International Club happened the earliest, cementing my decision of which to choose. If I’d had later classes, I wouldn’t have had to wait at all. But I finished up at noon on Wednesdays.

Attending also meant discovering the International Services’ little corner of the campus. It had never been something I’d needed before, but luckily, my knowledge of campus had improved enough that I found it easily.

If I’d ever felt out of place when entering a class for the first time, that was magnified tenfold now. I couldn’t help wondering how many of these people had been in the club before and already knew each other. I was hoping to make friends, but what if I’d walked straight into a clique that would reject me?

I signed the paper like they asked and took a seat on the fringes of those who had already arrived. Most of them seemed to know each other, although I could pinpoint a few people who seemed to be new like me.

Throughout the meeting, I couldn’t shake a feeling of not belonging even though no one said or did anything to trigger it.

The meeting was nothing more than discussing what would be happening the rest of the semester. The ideas ranged from movie nights to food nights to other sorts of nights and a cultural fair the school held.

It didn’t sound bad. Most of what they were discussing could be fun if I started to make friends with some of the others.

When the meeting ended, more than half of the members lingered to talk among themselves. I dwelled for a second, not wanting to look strange by leaving quickly. This was the friend making opportunity I'd been looking for, but I didn’t know what I would say to anyone.

Just as I was about to call it a day and walk out, a kind-looking girl approached me, large smile and all. She was one of those people who appeared to always be cheery, a lot like Seth had been back when his life had been simpler. Something about her had me drawn to her before she'd said hello.

“Are you leaving?” she asked, motioning towards the door with her head.

For a split second, I thought she was trying to get rid of me. Then I realized she was carrying her bag and leaving too. I nodded and walked out the door of the room with her by my side. It was strange how something like that would happen. Fate was making it harder and harder for me not to have faith in it, it seemed.

“I’m Joselyn Desrosiers,” she said, holding out her hand even as we walked.

I shook it, hoping, not for the first time, she wouldn’t pay attention to how hot my hands were.

“Leah Clearwater.”

She nodded, still smiling.

I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to say, also not new since so much of my life became a secret. I’d never considered myself a shy person, but becoming a wolf had ruined my social skills.

“What year are you?” Joselyn asked.

I took the out. Somehow, the conversation kept flowing. By the time we'd reached the lot where Joselyn was parked, I wasn’t struggling over what to say. Something about us had clicked in the best possible way. Not even having to lie about where my car was could bother me.

I felt good about this. Better than I had about Lucas. Something told me Joselyn was going to be important in my life.

Hopefully, this time fate wasn’t letting me down.


	2. February

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thank you to Jezebel Jai-Braxlin again for beta reading this chapter.

**February 14th, 2008**

It was impossible to avoid people on Valentine’s Day when you had classes.

Last year, I had spent the day at home and went out to buy myself discounted chocolate on the 15th. This year, Seth’s party hadn’t left me feeling as grouchy, and I didn’t dread Valentine’s like I had in the past.

I wasn’t looking forward to it either, but I thought I’d make it through with minimal pessimism. It wasn’t like the entire school had been bathed in pinks and reds. I could hardly pick up on any signs that it was a holiday.

Maybe the couples were being extra affectionate today. I wasn’t paying close enough attention.

By the time I slid into a chair with my lunch, I had forgotten what today even was until I noticed Joselyn was looking at the heart confetti sprinkled on the table like it was a colony of ants.

“Not your favorite holiday then,” I commented lightly as I dug into my food.

This had become a daily tradition, us eating lunch together. In the past month, I'd already begun to feel closer to Joselyn than I had anyone in a long time. I was surprised at how well it felt like she was getting to know me considering I had to disguise so much. She already knew about Sam and Emily, although I had to leave out large parts of the story. Parts that might have made both Sam and Emily look a bit better than the way I had struggled to word it.

“Don’t tell me it’s yours,” Joselyn shot back. She turned back to her food, trying to block out visions of the confetti.

“If I hate something, that’s normal. You hating something is strange.”

I didn’t want to watch someone else I knew go through such a dramatic personality shift.

“Hate is a strong word.”

I had to wait for her to chew and swallow before she continued.

“I don’t hate Valentine’s Day. Usually. ‘Am not a big fan of’ would be a better way of describing it.”

I hummed in response, too busy with my own food to speak. Something about the moment triggered a response in Joselyn. She jumped a bit, tugging her phone out of her back pocket. I rolled my eyes as she opened the notes on her phone and hastily typed something out.

“What inspiration could you possibly have gotten?” I asked once she’d gotten whatever it was written down.

“You know I don’t share my ideas,” she returned in a sing-song voice.

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes again. “You know I’m not going to write whatever it was, Joselyn.”

She grinned a little before answering. “Fine. It was about the difference between hating and not caring about Valentine’s Day.”

It took her several moments to realize that I was looking at her peculiarly.

“What?” she asked, stiffening. She was always defensive about whatever ideas were floating around in her head.

“No offense, but that sounds boring.”

Feeling comfortable enough to tease her like this was a recent development. Sometimes I still worried that I was offending her when I said something. She grinned again though. Now that I was beginning to recognize her expressions, I could tell it was her joking grin.

“All ideas sound boring until you do something with them. The simplest of ideas can become brilliant stories by the right people. The grandest of ideas can still turn out shit.”

I shot out a, “Whatever,” because I didn’t have another response.

Sometimes Joselyn liked to talk like a philosopher. I wasn’t sure if it was a writer thing or a Joselyn thing, since I’d never been around that many writers. She reminded me of Embry whenever she did it, something that made me feel strange.

After a few minutes, something else occurred to me.

“So, what is with the ‘just not a fan of Valentine's’ thing?”

I could tell from the way Joselyn slowly lowered her fork and looked up at me that I’d hit on something.

“Does one need a reason?” she asked, attempting to divert the subject.

I hadn’t been expecting her answer to be anything more than the usual. I’d geared myself up for disgusting couples or reminders of her single status or something of the like. Now I wondered what bad memories I had stumbled upon.

“Well, no. I guess not. It’d be okay if there was a reason though.”

She sighed, moving her food around on her plate with her fork.

“I just-” She cut herself off, spent a moment gathering herself, and took a deep breath. “I don’t do relationships. Ever. I don’t have any deep, dark story about it or anything. I just don’t care. I don’t like to tell people because they always make a bigger deal out of it than I want them to. My mom loves going on about how I’ll meet someone nice one day that'll change that. I can’t convince her that I don’t care about meeting a boy. Ever.

“It’s not that it’s not a priority. It's more than that. I would never stop to think about being in a relationship if people didn’t shove it in my face. That's why I tend to hate days that are all about shoving relationships in people’s faces.”

She looked at me expectantly, and it took me a bit too long to react.

“Oh.”

Joselyn’s face dropped, and I scrambled to come up with something more adequate.

“I don’t see why people would give you a hard time about that. I mean, you should live your life however you want.” I shrugged in an attempt to appear nonchalant. I was serious when I said I didn’t think it should be that big of a deal, and I wanted Joselyn to get that. “There are plenty of things in life other than relationships.”

That was one of the things I had struggled to learn after Sam and Emily. In high school, I would have been one of the people Joselyn hated most. She would have turned her nose up at how terrible I was around Valentine's Day. But after everything I'd been through, I couldn't see relationships that way anymore. Any that I had in the future wouldn't be all consuming. I was too disenchanted with movie-worthy romances.

When I looked back at Joselyn , her smile had brightened, and I kept myself from letting out a sigh of relief.

“Thank you,” she said before going back to her food.

We continued chatting about everything except Valentine’s Day. Not for the first time, I was grateful Joselyn had somehow stumbled into my life.

**February 20th, 2008**

International Club meant long breaks between my last class and meetings, but that never bothered me. Joselyn, who lived off campus in Port Angeles, stayed too, and we split our time between the library and lounging outdoors now that it was getting warm enough.

This particular Wednesday had become an outdoor day. Joselyn was enjoying it immensely, and had been cheerful about only having to wear a light jacket. I’d done my best to play along and act like I hadn't been able to wear a tank top comfortably all winter long.

Joselyn opted to lay across the wall lining the sidewalk, while I sat up to watch the people come and go around us.

My conversation with Joselyn on Valentine’s Day had gotten me thinking about relationships ever since. Or at least thinking about what I would want from one should it ever happen.

It had been interesting to hear that someone knew definitively that they never wanted that. I’d never heard someone say that before, and it had made me re-evaluate my own feelings.

I did want a relationship someday. I knew that much, and I’d never thought otherwise except in my moments of deepest despair. But I also felt like I was in a strange state where I knew I wanted one but wasn’t sure if I wanted one now or later. Joselyn’s words had made me think that maybe I was being too hard on myself. Maybe I worried over getting into a relationship as soon as I was “ready” because I had a subconscious idea that I was meant to at this age. I wanted to follow a conventional timeline I had never signed up to follow.

There was also the possibility I was making this into a much bigger deal than it warranted. But that was a big part of what I was trying to sort out.

I’d resolved to stop worrying about when I was ready and deal with whatever happened as it happened. If I met someone I liked, then great. I’d date him. But obsessing over the “right time” for a relationship wasn’t getting me anywhere.

It was also taking away from other things already in my life like my family, the pack, school, and even Joselyn. Those were enough for now. Joselyn had helped me to see that.

**February 24th, 2008**

The sky just had to be uncooperative today and decide to be cloudy.

The few days a week I got to watch the sunrise were important to me. I didn’t appreciate when La Push’s usual weather kept me from the sunrises.

That didn’t mean I gave up. I always stuck around, hoping the clouds would clear enough to show the sun. Sometimes they cooperated.

Today was a Sunday, which meant it was the day when Embry and I spent less time talking. Embry had caught me up on the latest gossip yesterday, and today we were both watching the sky in silence.

He sat closer now than he had in the past. When he’d first started coming, he’d always made an effort to act like he was there but yet wasn’t at the same time. There was none of that now. He always sat right beside me, and we both accepted the fact that this had become his thing as much as it had ever been mine.

I’d also become a lot more comfortable with the silence than I’d used to be. In the past, I’d taken silence as a sign that Embry wanted to say something but didn’t know how. It made me feel uncomfortable. Now I accepted it as us both enjoying the moment.

We never stayed silent for the entire time though. Embry always came up with something to say eventually, and even I was beginning to start conversations.

“Have you thought about how long it’s been since someone imprinted?”

I turned to look at him, surprised at the question. It was the first time we’d spoken about imprinting as a concept since he’d first brought his theory up to me.

“You sure you’re not obsessing over this?” I asked, referencing what I’d said to him then. I was only half-joking. A large part of me was curious about how much Embry thought about imprinting and why he found it worthy of his time. I’d stopped bothering with the idea of it ages ago.

Embry appeared disgruntled and shrugged his shoulders.

“I don’t think about it anymore than I think about other stuff.”

Embry’s mind was always going a mile a minute. Sharing thoughts with him often involved a struggle of keeping up as his train of thought flew by. I hadn’t known it was possible for someone to think as many things in a minute as Embry did until I saw it for myself.

None of us ever saw it often, as Embry often kept his mind closed off to us. I had never been sure if it was through courtesy or wanting to keep his thoughts private.

There was no doubt in my mind that Embry had far more ideas about tons of stuff than what he ever shared with anyone else.

“No, I haven’t,” I admitted, finally answering his question. “I don't actually remember when the last imprint happened off the top of my head."

“Nessie’s birth,” Embry pointed out. “That was the last time. It’s her age.”

I nodded along. Almost a year and a half then.

“Five imprints in less than a year,” Embry continued when it became clear I didn’t have anything to say. “And now we haven’t had any in a year and a half.”

I couldn’t think of anything to do other than shrug. What was there to say about the whims of magic? But Embry gave me a look that pushed me to comment.

“Oh, well. I mean, I don’t know what you want me to say. If it hasn’t happened, then it just hasn’t happened. Most of the unimprinted wolves are too young to know who their soulmate is anyway. They’re better off having to wait.”

Embry nodded, but he’d become distracted with staring into the distance. He was in his own mind again. I hadn’t proved myself to have any insight like he’d been hoping.

I reached out to swat at his arm. “Why are you concerned?” I asked.

I was embarrassed over how much the answer to that question mattered to me.

Embry watched me for a bit before answering.

“I wouldn’t say I’m concerned. I think it’s interesting.”

“The frown on your face isn’t what people look like when they're just interested.”

He sighed and readjusted how he was sitting as a distraction from replying. The sun chose that moment to peek through a crack in the clouds. I turned my attention to it and away from Embry, enjoying the look of the light beams.

When Embry did speak, his words left me confused.

“Taha Aki didn’t imprint until he was on his third wife.”

I couldn’t help but tear my eyes away from the skyline to look at him.

“That would be the legend, yeah.”

Embry nodded. He didn’t offer any sort of explanation for the statement. Instead, he kept talking, keeping up some sort of train of thought that only he knew about.

“The first imprint didn’t happen until the wolf was ancient, and we had five imprints in the span of a year. Sam was the oldest when he imprinted, and he was still only twenty. Now no imprints for a year and a half. It’s all so strange.”

“I still can’t understand what you’re freaking out about here, Embry. It’s some mystical magic or whatever. I don’t think it’s supposed to make sense. Everyone else has accepted that. We’re better off not questioning. We’re never going to figure out some hidden secret to how it works. It’s not possible.”

My words struck something in him, and he sounded indignant when he answered.

“That doesn’t mean I can’t speculate.” He crossed his arms against his chest to emphasize his annoyance. I would have found it comical if it weren’t so early in the morning. “I can’t help if it’s something I want to know about, whether I can or not. I can't stop myself from making theories.”

“Embry, stop. I know you can't, okay? But you’re talking like you want answers, not theories, and you know as well as I do that that’s not going to happen. The answers don’t exist. Not unless you get the mythical imprint fairy to come down from the sky, wave her magic wand, and grant you all the answers they haven't shared for centuries."

He was quiet then, still frowning as he looked out over the cliff. The clouds were clearing over the horizon, giving a clearer view of the sun as it rose. We watched in silence until the sun was no longer grazing the water, and then Embry spoke again.

“I want to know how fate decides who gets an imprint and who doesn’t,” he admitted.

 

There was a touch of such real emotion in his voice that I would never be able to make a joke about his feelings. This was truly bothering him in a way far more serious than I'd known.

“I thought your theory was that everyone has a soulmate, even if they don’t imprint.”

“But not everyone finds them. That was the other part of the theory. A crucial part.”

I couldn’t help but let out a long, loud sigh. This was a heavier conversation than I’d planned when I came to the cliff that morning. I'd been expecting our usual quiet interspersed with light conversation, not this.

“Embry,” I said, getting his attention although he diverted his eyes quickly. “If anyone in this world is aware enough to find their imprint completely on their own, it’s you. And if your theory holds up, you'd either find her or imprint anyway, right? You wouldn't have anything to worry about.”

I thought I could detect a blush on his cheeks, but I looked away, feeling self-conscious myself.

“This isn’t about me,” he insisted.

Keeping my eyes on the ocean, I didn’t respond, even remaining unnaturally still. We both knew that was a lie, and calling Embry out on it wouldn’t matter at all. There was no way he was this concerned with imprinting without it being personal. You didn’t worry about vague concepts that couldn't be understood without personal investment, without caring about the outcome.

I had nothing worthwhile to say, but I had to keep talking. I had to say what I had worked hard to make myself believe since I’d phased and first learned of imprinting.

“Plenty of people in this world are happy without imprinting. We don’t need it. It’s not a necessary component of happy endings.”

That was about as cheesy as I would ever get out loud. Sure, I’d repeated that same thing over and over in my head before, but I'd never expected to say it to another. Embry was one of the few people I would have shared it with, and that was only because I knew he couldn’t judge me. Not after he’d been so forth-coming about his own deepest thoughts.

Embry sighed, letting out a long, “Yeah.”

He didn’t have anything else to add, and this time the silence lasted until we could no longer claim to be watching the sunrise. The sky no longer contained any vestiges of pinks, and the two of us went our separate ways. Already, I knew it would be a while before either of us brought up imprinting again.


	3. March

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thanks to Jezebel Jai-Braxlin for beta reading this chapter.

**March 9th, 2008**

Patrolling these days was always unremarkable. We hadn’t had any vampires on our land in ages. The last time we did was when the Denali came to visit the Cullens last year, and we’d been prepared. Jake granted them permission to pass through our land since the treaty no longer held much weight. In a twist of fate that still felt strange to me, we trusted that the Denali were harmless.

Nowadays, patrolling was treated as little more than the monotonous duty of us wolves. I imagined it’s what security guards felt like when watching buildings for intruders. The vast majority of the time you did it knowing it was your job, but you didn’t expect to find anyone. That didn’t mean you could slack off work because, if someone did show up, you had to be ready. So we tried to stay prepared.

I treated patrolling like most people treat jobs they hate: fulfilling my shifts with reluctance. I didn’t have as much hatred for being a wolf as I had in the past, but patrolling was still unenjoyable work.

Patrolling with members of Sam’s pack had become more boring than patrolling with members of our own pack. It forced me to be alone with my thoughts, and while that would have been ideal in the past, these days I got bored. Now I wanted to be able to talk to whoever I was patrolling with, and it wasn’t always possible.

I was gearing myself up for that sort of shift when I showed up at Jared’s house to meet up before our assigned patrol. This wouldn’t have been necessary if he were in our pack, but it was helpful for these situations.

Kim being there wasn’t surprising. In fact, I’d expected it.

She came out of the door before Jared, leaving now that he was. There was an extra glow about her, and it took me several seconds to realize she had a ring on her left hand that I’d never seen.

I wasted no time pointing it out.

“That wasn’t there three days ago.”

Kim blushed for no reason. It wasn’t like this was an unexpected outcome. There were few things we could say for sure about imprinting, but the end result being marriage was the most certain.

For some people, the earliness of it would raise questions about their judgment. Neither of them graduated high school until May. But it was doubtful that any would actually voice their concerns. The imprint bond had a way of showing itself even to people who didn’t know about it, and everyone in La Push had noticed that Jared and Kim’s relationship was the real deal. I was confident their marriage would be accepted as an “of course” thing even if they eloped tomorrow. (Although that wouldn’t be the best thing for Jared’s relationship with his future in-laws.)

While Kim was sheepish about the whole thing, Jared smiled cockily.

“I asked her today,” he said, walking with Kim down the porch steps to meet me in the front yard.

Kim was wearing a summer dress that was unlike her usual jeans and a t-shirt look. It was easy to assume they’d come back from a date only minutes ago.

“Am I the first to know?”

Jared nodded, a lopsided grin still on his face. “I would have told Sam, but he would have had to tell Emily, and I figured she might make it obvious to Kim.”

A smart move. Emily didn’t reveal secrets intentionally, but she did get excited and reveal things on accident.

“I’m going to go see Emily now,” Kim said. Her blush had faded, and she only had a content smile on her face. “So I figure everyone will know soon enough.”

“Nothing stays a secret from the pack for long,” I pointed out. Not unless you were trying with all of your might to conceal it.

Kim nodded and went on her way in the direction of Sam and Emily’s house. There was a skip to her step that wasn’t usual for her, and I thought I was going to have to hit Jared to tear his gaze away from her. I walked passed him toward the forest and tugged on his sleeve as I went to bring him back to what we were supposed to be doing.

“Right,” he said, re-focusing himself. “I’ll take the north, and you take the south? Meet at the same place as always?”

“Sounds good to me,” I said as we made it into the forest to phase.

**March 10th, 2008**

It took less than twenty-four hours for news of Jared and Kim’s engagement to make it through the pack. I thought most of the reservation knew too as the pack still held quite a bit of notoriety. The novelty of our “gang” had worn off for most. We didn’t strike fear in people like we had in the past because people had realized we left everyone alone. But such a small reservation needed gossip from somewhere.

The fact that it was Kim and Jared made the news bigger to most. Our pack was still seen as intimidating enough that staying away from us was deemed the smart thing to do. The fact that quiet, timid Kim had gotten herself pulled into our fold somehow was confusing to most of La Push. I had heard the whispers about why Jared, always "misbehaving" even before he was a wolf, had chosen such a girl. While, at the same time, people couldn’t understand why Kim had chosen to date him either. The last speculation showed how little people in La Push knew Kim. I could imagine Kim happily being with Jared even if there were no imprint and he really was some sort of gang member. She’d been pretty far gone before he imprinted on her. Kim was the only member of an imprint couple capable of saying that.

Since it was my spring break, I had little to do. I’d spent most of the day wandering around La Push hearing the whispers, and I was tired of it. It was a reminder of how small La Push was and how everything I did was fodder for the gossip of people I didn’t care about.

I wanted a break. A break from La Push, not the break from college I was already getting.

A spur of the moment decision of this size was new for me, but it felt like it had been a long time coming. And I knew I could do it too. Despite worry over how my mother would react, I was an adult, and I could do what I wanted even if she disapproved.

Finding Embry was also easy, which only strengthened my sense that I needed to do this. He was at home, sitting around doing nothing just like I had been planning to do until less than an hour ago.

“You have a car, right?” I asked without preamble as soon as he let me into the house.

He looked at me suspiciously. “Yes,” he replied slowly.

As soon as I was in the house, I spun around to face him. I watched him close the front door, and as soon as his attention was on me, I spoke.

“How hard would it be to convince you to go on a spontaneous road trip with me to Oregon?”

I watched Embry’s eyes widen and then narrow as he gained control of his expression.

“Where in Oregon?”

“Newport?” I wasn’t sure why I made it sound like a question. I'd already decided. “It’s on the beach, not as big as Portland. I figured, why not?”

“Do you have definite plans, or…?”

I shook my head. “I thought of this fifteen minutes ago.”

Embry brushed past me instead of answering, going to sit down in the living room. I followed behind as I waited with baited breath for his answer.

“What are you asking me exactly?”

That question made me stop short. I didn’t have an answer. The decision to invite Embry over anyone else had been instinctual more than thought out. I didn’t know why.

“You have a car,” I answered lamely. That was the only logical thought I could apply to my decision, but some of the other guys had cars too. I hadn’t asked them to come with me.

Embry nodded along like that answered his question, and I wasn’t about to attempt elaborating. Not when I couldn’t.

“I’d have to ask my mom,” he said instead. “I doubt she’ll be too happy about her minor son going on an unplanned road trip for spring break.”

“You’ll be eighteen in two months,” I pointed out. “Use that to your advantage.”

Embry snorted. “Like that’ll do much good. I’ve already damaged her trust since phasing. She’s not going to care.”

“You think she’ll keep you from going then?”

Embry shrugged. “If she does, I’ll sneak out. I’ll go with you, Leah.”

I frowned. I hadn’t planned on getting him in trouble. His mother hadn’t entered my mind when I’d come to ask. There were times when it was difficult to remember that most of the guys were younger than me, still technically children under their parents' roofs.

“You’d wind up grounded. Probably until after graduation, and that’s being generous.”

Embry shrugged again, and I couldn’t understand why he looked so unbothered.

“Not like I haven’t dealt with that before. I’d be fine.”

It was difficult to find that reassuring, and my expression made that clear. I wasn’t sold on being the reason Embry wound up grounded until adulthood.

“Leah,” he sighed. “I mean it. I’ll go with you. It doesn’t bother me.”

I had a hard time believing that. Not that he was willing to go, but that he was okay being grounded. No one wanted to get in that much trouble, and Embry, in particular, was always hurt whenever he upset his mother. I had a hard time believing he was choosing me over her. I still had a hard enough time convincing myself we were friends most days. Why would spontaneously traveling to Oregon with me be a good thing if it meant hurting his mom? Hell, even I felt bad for upsetting his mom. I knew how much it distressed her to see Embry go through something she couldn’t understand.

“We’re going,” Embry continued. “I think you need to do this, and you don’t want to go alone. Which is a wonder in and of itself . I’m not letting you back out of this.”

All I could do was nod because I knew Embry wouldn’t see reason. At this point, I imagined he’d go on his own if I refused, knowing I would follow him in trying to get him back to La Push.

That night, I waited at home knowing that Embry was asking his mom. I’d insisted he try that first even though we both knew how it would end. My own mother wasn’t thrilled at the idea of Embry sneaking away for this either, but she made no attempts to stop us. On some level she wanted me to have this like Embry did.

Seth, on the other hand, was the only one who thought concern about Embry’s mom was ridiculous. He’d shrugged it off, saying that Embry had been in trouble plenty of times before. Why would now be any different?

What was different was now I was responsible for it, and now Embry was "running away" to another state. This wasn’t sneaking out for patrol around La Push. I was pretty sure I could be arrested for child kidnapping in this scenario if his mother wanted to take it that far. For once, I thought having Charlie Swan as a stepfather might be convenient.

Charlie himself was staying quiet on the whole matter. His expression when I talked to Mom had been a bit worried, but he hadn’t said anything. I wondered if he was thinking back to all the times Bella had disappeared and he hadn’t known what was going on. He probably related to Embry’s mom a lot in that way.

I was packed and ready to go when Embry showed up at our house. I had the door open before he could get to it, and I was surprised to see him smiling.

“I have permission,” he informed me before I could question him.

The car was parked in the driveway, and I could see that he’d flung a full duffel bag in the backseat. I stepped out of the doorway with my own bag, pulling it shut behind me. The rest of the family had already gone off to bed, so there were no more goodbyes to be said. Throwing my own bag beside Embry’s, I got into the car after him, not speaking until he was backing out of the driveway.

“You got permission? From your mom?”

The concept was so unbelievable that I wanted him to confirm it for me again. Surely he was lying to help me feel better. I was under the impression that Embry’s mom hadn’t always been strict, but she’d become that way when Embry began to break the rules.

“I got permission from my mom,” Embry repeated, sounding truthful despite how unbelievable it was.

“How?” I needed a story before I could wrap my head around it.

A strange look passed over Embry’s face, but I hardly caught it before it was gone. His eyes remained on the road, and I sensed that he wouldn’t have been looking at me even if he weren’t driving.

“I think knowing I was going along with you made her feel better about it. You’re the only one of the ‘gang,’ as she calls it, that she somewhat likes. Well, and Seth, but everyone likes Seth.”

It was true. I’d heard whispers from people who couldn’t understand how Seth had gotten wrapped up in the "La Push Gang." Usually, they blamed me. Embry’s mother having any sort of positive feelings towards me was strange. And unexplainable. Few people in La Push liked me.

The only thing I could think to say was, “Huh.”

Embry shrugged, and I assumed he didn’t understand his mother’s reasoning either.

“I think she’s had a soft spot for you since you were a kid and came into the store with your mother. Your family was nice to her when she didn’t know many people here.”

I remembered those trips. My mom had brought me along to play with Embry. He couldn’t have been more than two or three at the time. It was before he could be away from his mother unsupervised and began tagging along with Quil and Jake. I’d complained, not wanting to deal with a younger kid, but my mom had insisted that Tiffany Call needed to talk to someone. I had to suck it up and be nice to her son.

Once I'd gotten older, I got out of going on those trips. I'd never known I’d done anything during them to inspire lasting feelings of affection. I’d only been a reluctant child and nothing more. I hadn’t even spoken to Tiffany Call much, just played with Embry away from our parents. What about me had caught her attention?

I couldn’t help but say, “That’s strange.”

Embry shrugged, but I felt like there was more he wasn’t saying to me. He had to know more about why his mom felt that way. There was no way she hadn’t offered any explanation. To Embry, his mother's reasoning was obvious, but he wasn't planning on making it obvious for me too.

“I guess that’s good news for you then,” I said. “Anytime you want to stay out of trouble, name drop Leah Clearwater, and your mom will let you do whatever.”

Embry smiled. “I don’t know about doing ‘whatever,’ but I’ll try it out. Right now we should focus on what we’re going to do in Oregon. We don’t even have a hotel, Leah.”

“Surely some place will have a room available when we get there. I’m not asking for a five star place here. We’re werewolves. We can deal with something sketchy.”

“I know we can, but I’d still feel better if we had an idea of where we’re going instead of winging it.”

I reached out to poke him in retaliation. “Relax. Don’t be so uptight. You’re ruining the spontaneity of this road trip.”

Embry smirked as he glanced over at me.

“Says the one who tried to get out of it when I said I might have to sneak out.”

“That’s different. It had nothing to do with going with the flow. That was something else.”

“It really wasn’t,” Embry said with a shake of his head. “It was definitely not ‘going with the flow.'”

I became as serious as I could. “Look, there’s refusing to go with the flow, and there’s being nice and saving someone from a grounding. I was doing the later.”

“Whatever you say, Leah.”

After that, we fell into a silence that lasted the entire way to the Washington-Oregon border. I closed my eyes and listened to the radio, letting the music calm my mind. Embry hummed along to the songs, and the behavior I would have found annoying in most helped me feel even calmer. I was starting to attribute a lot of positive feelings to Embry's presence. I think I had since the beginning of last year when he started sticking around so much.

I still wasn’t sure what had prompted him to be around me in the beginning, but I was thankful. Somewhere along the way, he’d kind of started becoming my best friend. Recently, I’d been spending more time with Joselyn, but for a long time, Embry was the person I saw the most outside of family. I hadn’t realized how important that had been to me until I’d instinctively asked him on this trip.

Now I was having a minor epiphany while he drove, and I let him believe that I was asleep or daydreaming.

The thing was, I’d never thought much about Embry being my friend, let alone my closest friend. He was a pack member, a brother of sorts, but that had always been a different thing. I had come to think of the other wolves as brothers, especially our pack. I’d never thought about whether they were also "friends" in the traditional sense of the word. It felt like a different sort of relationship.

I would have referred to them each as my friends if asked and unable to discuss the pack bond. I would have. But I had never thought one of them could fill a best friend role in my life. That was one reason I’d so wanted to make friends at school.

And I still wanted that. I longed for friendships outside the pack, natural ones not created through wolf magic. At the same time, I was a bit sorry I’d overlooked those “magic induced” friendships. Maybe I’d been selling Embry’s friendship short by assuming he only hung around me because we were wolves. Even if that’s what had started it, did that need to negate how things were now?

Some part of my subconscious must have already been thinking that if I chose him for this trip.

**March 11th, 2008**

Our silence eventually switched to conversation for the rest of the seven hour drive. Embry showed no sign of wanting to stop except for several bathroom and food breaks. We kept driving through the night, arriving in Newport in the early hours of the morning.

I knew I was exhausted, and I’d only been sitting there, not driving like Embry had. With no directions of any kind, we drove around until we found a cluster of hotels.

Only upon asking for a room did I realize that we'd never discussed what the room situation was going to be. With flushed cheeks, I was forced to look back at Embry, trying to assess what it was he wanted me to do. He shrugged, which I took as a sign to do whatever I wanted.

“One double room,” I told the staff, hoping my voice wasn't shaking.

That was a cheaper option than getting two separate rooms. I'd seen Embry naked before for the love of God. We were always in each other's heads. Sleeping in the same hotel room would seem like nothing after all that. At least I hoped.

I kept telling myself that as we carried our bags up to the room we had been given.

As we glanced around the unremarkable room, I realized I’d never shared a room with a male outside of my family. And while I felt like sharing a room with Embry shouldn’t be a big deal, it still felt like one. Part of me had assumed that sharing a room with a guy like this would happen as a romantic milestone. The implications of this were at the forefront of my mind no matter how I tried to push them down.

We’d both seen each other naked before, if never on purpose. That alone should have canceled out any awkwardness that sharing a room would bring. I was doing nothing except working myself up in my own mind. I was being ridiculous.

Once we were alone in the room and unpacking, I started picking up on signs that Embry was nervous about this too. He hesitated several times as if he felt strange taking up any space in the room even though it was as much his as it was mine. But I felt the same way, like I should take up as little space as I could to be polite. When I hesitated about placing something on my own half of the nightstand, I could only scoff at myself. It wasn’t as if either one of us had packed enough to fill the room anyway.

Embry finished unpacking before me, and he sat stiffly on his chosen bed. Not moving much at all.

“You could turn on the TV,” I suggested. His jump at my words was what confirmed he was nervous, and that helped calm my own nerves as I finished unpacking.

By the time I’d finished, he’d flipped on a movie and was watching it, still stiff and distracted. I settled onto my own bed. While Embry had perched himself on the end of his, I chose to sit up higher and recline on the pillows. I felt more comfortable here behind Embry, knowing he could only see me if he turned around.

It also gave me an opportunity to observe how tense he was, and I felt like I should do something to help him loosen up.

There was also the fact that it wasn’t even six in the morning yet, and we’d been driving all night. The smart thing to do would be go to sleep, but neither one of us was making a move to do so. I was still trying to adjust to being in a room together, falling asleep before Embry felt strangely intimate. Sleeping was when you were at your weakest. It was the ultimate form of letting your guard down in front of someone.

But I also felt nervous about raising the idea of us both going to sleep at the same time. I knew it would lead to awkward “getting ready for bed” routines.

So I sat there and watched the television instead even though I had no idea what was happening on the screen. My brain was too foggy to put effort into working it out. Eventually, my eyelids were far too heavy to stay open, and before long, I was asleep.

I sprung awake hours later, swiveling my head this way and that. It took a minute for my mind to calm down and remember how I’d gotten to this strange place. The room wasn't bright enough for it to be mid-day. That was the first thing I registered beyond where I was. I turned around to look at the clock and groaned when I saw it was past six in the evening. Sunset would be soon. We’d slept the entire day away.

Or at least I had. I looked over at the other bed to confirm that Embry was asleep too. Of course, I had no way of knowing when he’d fallen asleep. It could have been right after me or hours later. He was sprawled out on top of the covers like I was, but that wasn't bothering him thanks to the higher body temperatures we possessed.

I debated with myself for a few minutes about whether I should wake him up. It was late after all, and it was already going to be impossible for us to fall asleep at a normal time tonight. It was likely Embry would want to be woken up.

Then my stomach growled, and I welcomed any excuse to Embry keep sleeping. He had to be starving too. We’d been asleep the entire day.

There had been a fast food place not that far away. I could walk the distance easily, and the smell of food would wake him up when I got back. That would save me from having to do it myself.

I was careful to be quiet as I got up and slipped on shoes, not bothering with my appearance otherwise even though I was in yesterday’s clothes. It wasn’t like I’d ever see anyone in this area again.

The only way to close the door was with a click, one I swore was louder now than it had been that morning. I could only hope it hadn’t woken Embry up, but there was no way of knowing. I pushed the thought from my mind as I hurried down the stairs and past the parking lot.

There was a lot of commotion in this area of town. It gave off the vibe of being a touristy part of the city, although it couldn't compare to somewhere like Orlando that was known everywhere for tourism.

I was starting to rethink my decision to not change clothes.

At least it was fast food. I could get in and out fast enough that any embarrassment was limited. Or so I hoped.

They didn’t look busy when I walked in, an achievement considering it was dinner time. Maybe the tourists were more concerned with checking out the "fancy but still affordable" restaurants. Fast food was put on the back burner for vacation. Understandable, but not a concern I shared at the moment. I wanted food, and getting it as fast as possible was my biggest priority.

I ordered a shit ton. Way more than any one person could justify buying. But I wasn’t a person. I was a wolf who had another wolf to feed. 

When I got back to the room, I didn’t bother to muffle the click of the door or the sound the food made when I sat it on the table. I rustled around in the bags, only seeing Embry stirring from the corner of my eye. He got up quickly when he realized there was food, and I handed him his half of what I had gotten.

Neither one of us spoke as we settled on our respective beds with our dinner for the night. Embry flipped on the TV again, and again, I had no idea what was playing. I tried to watch as I ate, but I found myself bored.

My spur of the moment vacation had so far consisted of sitting in a car, sleeping, and eating fast food. Not a huge success. I still had four days before we went back to La Push, and at some point, I planned on doing something note-worthy. My bank account didn’t get money added to it often, which meant I spent sparingly, and I had to make sure this trip was worth it.

I glanced over at Embry and noticed that he wasn't invested in the television either.

“We can’t sleep the entire day away tomorrow,” I said. It was the first time our silence had been broken since we’d arrived at the hotel room.

Embry looked over at me and smiled in amusement. “You fell asleep first,” he quipped. “And I figured it was better to let you sleep instead of setting an alarm. Wouldn't want to wake the terrifying Leah Clearwater before she was ready.”

I scoffed even though I was secretly amused. “I’m not that terrifying when woken up. Especially not after sleeping more than ten hours.”

“To have a full day, we would’ve needed an alarm sometime before ten. That would’ve only been, like, four hours sleep or something.”

I shuddered to think of doing something on so little sleep. “Well, one or something would have at least been smarter than this. We could have done something, and we would stand a much better chance of being able to sleep tonight. Now our internal clocks are completely thrown off.”

Embry shrugged, tossing the trash from his finished meal into the trash can without standing up. “I think I’ll manage it.”

I couldn’t imagine how he could do that. Teenage boys had reputations for sleeping a lot, but considering Embry’s penchant for sunrises, he didn't seem to follow that norm.

“Well, I won’t.” I already envisioned a night where I tossed and turned for hours before my body gave in and let me succumb to sleep. “But that’s not going to stop me from trying. Tomorrow we’re doing something: the beach, the aquarium, something.”

“There’s an aquarium?” Embry asked, and I realized that we’d never discussed what was in Newport.

“There’s an aquarium,” I confirmed. “We, my family and me, came once when I was, like, ten.”

It had been the furthest from home I’d ever been at the time. Only being beaten when we went to some small, northern California town a couple of years later.

“Anything else?” Embry asked, choosing not to comment on my past family vacation.

I narrowed my eyes. “Is the beach and aquarium not enough for you?”

Embry offered a shrug. “Those things are fine, fun even. I’m just wondering if there’s anything else you planned on doing or if that was it.”

I thought back to the things we’d done on that vacation. There wasn’t anything I could think of that I was dying to do, although I had a few ideas of possibilities.

“We’ll wing it,” I said. “See what we’re up to doing on any particular day. I don’t care what we do as long as we’re out of La Push for a week and not wasting it in a hotel.”

Embry nodded, and we fell into silence again.

With several hours until I could force my mind to rest, I needed something to occupy myself. I also needed a shower and change of clothes, but that was a task I was dreading more than I had sleeping the night before.

“I’m going to shower,” I told Embry, and I swore I could see his cheeks darken as I got up to retrieve my things.

I was extra careful to make sure I had everything. There was no way I’d be coming out of the bathroom until I was completely done. Honestly, it was ridiculous to be this worked up about showering when it was private. The pajamas I had packed didn’t reveal anything Embry hadn’t seen a million times before. And, as I had to remind myself, he’d seen me naked before even if being out in the woods would always be different.

Once I was locked away in the bathroom, I felt like I could breathe a bit easier. Still, I was conscious that Embry could hear all of my movements, so I turned on the much too loud fan to give myself more privacy. I wasn’t sure how well it worked, but it was better than nothing. The shower itself would only create more noise to drown me out.

I was as quick as I could be in the shower. My hands, shaking from my nerves, allowed my shampoo to slip from my fingers after I’d turned the water off. I cringed as it hit the floor, too embarrassed to have thought about catching it before it could make a noise. Embry had to have heard. Even a normal human would have. My cheeks flushed even though I was alone.

So much for supernatural reflexes. This trip was turning me into a blushing mess. There was one other time I could remember being this way around someone, and that had been when I first started dating Sam. Sure, Embry and I had wound up sharing a hotel room, but this was nothing like that. He was my friend, and this shouldn’t have me so nervous. So why did it?

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to dig deeper to uncover the answer.

When I made it out of the bathroom, there was a good chance my face was still flushed, but I hoped I could play it off as heat from the shower. I’d adapted to taking as hot of showers as the faucet would allow since phasing. Warm showers had always been comforting to me and had become difficult to achieve after phasing. Hot water would often feel lukewarm at best.

Embry’s eyes were on the television when I emerged. He didn’t look like he was paying attention to me at all. I occupied myself with putting everything back in my bag, and as I did so, Embry muttered something about taking a shower too. By the time I’d finished putting my things away, he had closed the bathroom door behind him.

I sat down on my bed with a sigh.

We’d wound up spending twenty-four consecutive hours in this room together, not including my excursion for food. Somehow, we were still acting awkward about it. This was getting old.

Again, I tried to focus on the television, using the remote to flip to something I recognized. But I had never been a television watcher. Most shows didn’t hold my attention, and I was feeling restless at the moment. I wished I’d thought to bring a mindless diversion with me, but it hadn’t occurred to me. The TV was all I had.

Well, that and the Bible that was in one of the drawers if I bothered to search for it.

Embry’s shower was quicker than mine, and he was out of the bathroom in no time at all.

I glanced at the clock. Still far too early to go to bed. Both because we’d just woken up and because we’d be up at two in the morning if we managed to sleep now. Embry acted like he was going to keep watching TV, but I didn’t think I could put up with that for the rest of the night.

“Let’s play a game,” I suggested out of nowhere.

It was an odd request from me. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d done anything that could fall under the category of “games.” Embry gave me a questioning look, and all I could do was shrug. There was no explanation other than boredom.

“There’s nothing on TV, and we have to occupy ourselves somehow. Why not?”

Embry grinned. “Fine by me. But what are you wanting to play?”

I thought back to various slumber parties I’d been to as a kid and how we’d occupied ourselves then. Anything that needed some sort of prop was out. Truth or dare was something meant for groups, not two people, and several games that came to mind were excuses for kissing. The only game I could think of that we could play was Would You Rather.

“Would You Rather?” I suggested. “That’s all I’ve got.”

“Fine by me.”

Embry readjusted himself so that he was still sitting on his bed but was facing me instead of the TV. I followed suit, and it felt strange to be looking at him like this in a hotel room lit only by one lamp.

“You start,” Embry said once we were both facing each other.

I racked my brain for ideas.

“Would you rather go on vacation in Europe or in the Caribbean?”

Embry was quiet for a few moments while he thought, and then he shrugged. “I don’t prefer one over the other.”

I clicked my tongue on the roof of my mouth. “That’s not how Would You Rather works. You have to make a decision.”

Embry frowned as he continued thinking.

“Fine,” he said after a moment’s pause. “Europe, I guess. I could see old buildings or whatever. We have a beach at home.”

I could have pointed out that beaches in the Caribbean were nothing like the ones we had at home, but I didn’t bother.

“Your turn,” I prompted him.

He answered so quickly that I knew he’d already been thinking about this.

“Would you rather have no one show up at your wedding or no one show up at your funeral?”

“My funeral, obviously. I wouldn’t be alive for it, so why would I care? I have to be at my wedding. Make no mistake, I intend to be the most stereotypical grouchy old lady that I can be. Why care how you come across to people once you're past seventy?”

“Because you want there to be people willing to take care of you once you can’t do it yourself?”

I brushed off the comment. “If I ever have kids, I imagine they’ll at least bother to check me into a nursing home. Even if they never visit.”

“That’s such a negative view of the future, Leah.”

Embry looked sad on my behalf, which annoyed me. It had been a joke anyway, albeit a self-deprecating one. He didn’t have to take it so seriously.

“Of course it is,” I countered. “I’m Leah Clearwater. I have to keep up my reputation of being a heartless bitch until death.”

Embry shook his head and avoided looking at me.

“No one thinks you’re heartless , Leah. Rough on the edges, yeah, but not heartless.”

I laughed at that one.

“Sure they do. Maybe a few people don’t, but they’re a minority. To the vast majority of La Push, I became a bitter harpy after Sam.”

Embry was still shaking his head, but I refused to argue over this. I was right, and I knew it. There was no sense in arguing over which one of us had an accurate view of the opinions of La Push's populace. And it was my turn to ask a question.

“Would you rather never have phased but have been told who your dad is or to have phased but never know?”

Embry’s head shot up at that, and he looked at me with wide eyes. It had been months since the subject of his father had come up between us. I doubted he'd spoken about it with anyone else either. For the most part, everyone had accepted that Embry wasn’t going to question his mother. There was no use in speculating in their opinion.

The question itself was low, but I was feeling peeved about the exchange Embry had decided to have. I couldn’t bring myself to regret it, especially when I was curious about the answer. In a way, I was only proving to Embry what a heartless bitch I was.

Embry watched me closely as if he were waiting for me to say it had been a joke and to give him another question. I didn’t. After a moment, Embry sighed and looked away, but he still didn’t answer. I couldn’t tell if that was because he didn’t have an answer or because he did and didn't want to say it.

“To have phased but never know.”

If asked beforehand, I would have said I didn’t know what Embry’s answer would be. Now it felt clear that that would have been his answer all along. I hadn’t been around for Embry’s initial reaction to being a wolf, but I knew he had been more positive about it than I had.

And the idea of finding out who his father was seemed to scare him. I had never been sure why. For a long time I had been convinced that he legitimately didn’t want to know. It went deeper than reluctance to discuss it with his mom.

I nodded and didn’t question him anymore about it. I didn’t think I needed to. He wouldn't have responded. 

We were both quiet after that, and I wasn’t sure if Embry intended to ask me another question or not. I had put a wrench in the mood, but I still contended that Embry had started it.

“Would you rather Sam never have imprinted on Emily or things to have ended up the way they have?”

Oh. So not only were we still playing, but I had made Embry up the stakes too. Now I regretted my question. But I couldn't refuse to answer when Embry had. It would be losing an unspoken challenge.

The thing was, I didn’t know my answer. He’d asked me what could have been the hardest question I’d ever received. The silence between us felt enormous, and I could feel Embry’s eyes on me as I stared at the wall off to the side of him. I felt exposed, and Embry was far too distracting for me to think about the question. How could I come up with an answer when my brain wouldn’t work properly?

After a while, Embry sensed this and looked away. My own eyes remained where they were as I tried to sort out my feelings.

I was over Sam. I’d known that much for a long time. There were no circumstances that would result in me ever taking him back. Not for callous reasons but because I wasn’t the slightest bit interested in being with him.

However, if Sam had never imprinted in the first place, my life would be different. I would never have went through the dark place I’d struggled so hard to pull myself out of. I still didn’t think I’d pulled myself out of that place completely. Part of me wondered if all of me would ever escape it. These days I held a certain disillusionment with the world that I’d never had before. I’d be more optimistic if Sam and I had never broken up.

There would be no guarantee something besides imprinting wouldn’t break us apart, but that wouldn’t have bothered me. There was just one thing that made consider the idea of Sam not imprinting. Any other break up with him might not have destroyed me the way his and Emily’s relationship had.

So, Embry’s question wasn’t about Sam, at least not for me. It was about whether the heartbreak that had resulted from Sam imprinting had been good for me in the end or not. That felt like a decision I’d been trying to make for ages. I couldn't whip out an answer just because I'd been asked directly.

By now I had been quieter far longer than Embry had been before his answer, and I was still stumped. While Embry’s hesitance had come from not wanting to voice an answer he already knew, I didn't even have one. My mind refused to settle on one answer.

I’d have no choice but to try to talk my way around a direct answer and hope Embry took it. I knew the answer Embry expected, and I didn’t think I could say that one.

“For things to end up how they have,” I admitted quietly.

I knew he could hear me even if no human would have. The admission felt embarrassing, but then, either answer would have. Neither one was as embarrassing as baring my soul and telling him how conflicted I was.

I chanced a glance over at him and saw a look of surprise and perhaps almost wonder on his face.

“Really?”

I gave a halfhearted shrug. I hadn’t bothered to question him further after his answer. Why did he have to do so with mine?

“Really,” I confirmed. For some reason, I felt like I should explain further, so I did. “Not that I think that’s all that great of an option either, mind you. But I went through shit, and I’d feel worse about it if it was invalidated. If it suddenly hadn’t happened anymore, you know?”

Embry nodded slowly. “I think so. You think it would have made your suffering pointless.”

“Exactly.”

I hoped I’d given him enough hints to realize that none of it was about Sam. I would have liked to think Embry had already gotten what few people seemed to so far. I was over Sam. Any lingering hurt wasn't about wanting him back. But I wouldn’t have been surprised if there were still doubts in Embry's mind about that. Outright admitting all these feelings was too much, but I didn’t want anyone in the pack thinking I was still hung up on Sam when I wasn’t.

“Do you have a question for me?” Embry asked.

I chewed on my cheek. “No,” I said with a sigh. “I think we can be done if that’s alright with you.”

Embry nodded his head, and I shifted so I was no longer facing him. Instead, I laid down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling.

What had started out as a way to pass the time had wound up exhausting me. I wouldn’t have been able to take anymore of it if we’d kept playing. I turned my head to look at the clock. The game had taken up more time than I’d realized, and even though it was early, I didn't feel guilty for sleeping.

The earlier we woke up the next day, the more likely we’d do something. Outside distractions meant fewer deep talks, and that’s what I wanted.

In silence, Embry followed my lead, turning so his back was facing me. I watched him for a few moments, although I wasn’t sure why, before I copied him by turning and facing the wall.

**March 12th, 2008**

All in all, it ended up being a night of tossing and turning. I’d gotten a reasonable amount of sleep by morning, but it had taken an agonizingly long time to fall asleep in the first place. Embry had fared better. While I'd continually shifted trying to get comfortable, he had been silent and still in his own bed.

I woke up just after seven in the morning, and I could tell that dawn had yet to break outside. It took me a little longer to realize Embry moving around the room had been what woke me up.

Sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, I tried to figure out what he was doing. He looked more awake than I felt. Once he glanced back to see me sitting up, he smiled.

“Do you want to go out and see the sunrise?” he asked.

The tone of his voice made me want to tell him to shut up and stop messing around so I could sleep again. He was far too awake, but I did want to see the sunrise. We’d missed the opportunity yesterday, and I didn’t want to miss it again.

“I don’t know which direction is which here,” I pointed out.

“I’m sure we can figure out just fine where the sun is, Leah.”

True enough. A good sense of direction should have been one of our supernaturally enhanced powers. Maybe I’d never honed that particular one well enough and could give it a shot now.

I got up, gathered my stuff, and locked myself in the bathroom again. I was halfway through getting dressed before I realized I hadn't felt nervous about it like yesterday. There was no clear reason why either. Maybe my brain had given up being nervous because it was too much work.

Embry was looking at his phone, but he stowed it away once I came out.

“Ready to go?”

I nodded, bending over to tug on my shoes.

Sure enough, as soon as we were outside, we could tell where the sun was rising thanks to the colors in the sky. Embry gave me a small, smug smile without saying anything.

We kept walking in that direction as if we expected to reach the sunrise itself. Right now, we could only see some colors, with the rising sun itself being obscured by buildings. It came in and out of sight as we walked, but I didn’t think we’d reach a clear view before it rose. Not unless we ran.

There weren’t many people around. No doubt most tourists didn’t want to start their day before dawn. It was almost like being alone on a public street. That wasn’t an uncommon feeling in La Push, but it felt strange here. I wondered if anyone was watching us from inside the buildings and wondering what we were doing walking aimlessly so early in the morning.

I felt out of place.

We kept walking until the sun reached the height that usually resulted in our departures from each other. Except we couldn’t separate this time. We were stuck together for the rest of the day.

Embry pointed out a small, diner-looking place that we decided to eat breakfast at. Way too much breakfast going off of the overwhelmed look the waiter had given us when we ordered. But we finished it quickly, and then it was off to occupy ourselves for the rest of the day.

“You mentioned an aquarium.”

“Yeah, but I don’t know where it is. I was only ten last time. I wasn’t paying attention to directions.”

I glanced around as if the aquarium would pop out of the ground. You never knew. Maybe the town had decided to erect a sign in this very spot that would point us in the right direction. But there was no such luck.

Embry shrugged off my confusion. “The hotel should have information, right? If we ask?”

I mimicked his shrug. “I'd assume. The aquarium would be popular enough that they'd have been asked before.”

So we walked back to the hotel and asked for directions. Once we knew the way, it was easy enough to get there. The price to get in felt a little ridiculous, but I was determined to enjoy this impromptu vacation without worry. It had been a long time since I’d bothered to spend money on myself for anything but the essentials. School, actually, might have been the only thing in years I’d spent money on, and that was considered an investment. This trip wasn’t unless you considered it an investment in my own mental sanity. Which was a sound investment as far as I was concerned.

The last time I’d been to an aquarium was when I’d last stepped foot in this one. I had vague recollections of that trip, but it was nothing more than glimpses of fish through the glass. I couldn’t remember how the aquarium was set up or what the full collection of animals was. Thinking back on it, I'd had a lasting impression of maybe five of the animals I found most impressive. Their figures were the only things I could remember.

“This is actually cool,” Embry admitted when we were halfway through the building.

Both of us had been silent as we stared into the tanks. For me, it was because of a sense of wonder I felt looking at them all, and I guessed that was it for Embry too.

I hummed in agreement, watching a particularly large fish swim up close to the glass.

“You don’t usually get to see stuff like this,” I said, stepping closer to the glass to look at the fish.

Embry followed me, and we stood there even after the fish had swum away as other fish caught our eyes. There was so much to look at in each tank. And each living thing was constantly moving in a way that land creatures never experienced.

Fish and the like had never been interesting to me. Growing up in the Pacific Northwest, I’d survived on a lot of seafood, but what they had been doing before being pulled out of the ocean never concerned me. I’d went through my own phases of being obsessed with different animals as a kid, and I knew this aquarium had awakened a love for sea otters.

That obsession had faded like most things did, but now I remembered the sense of wonder I had felt all over again. How could anyone come here and not fall a little in love with what was beneath the ocean’s surface?

I didn’t plan on begging for a dolphin bedspread this time, but I appreciated the experience to see life that I never got to see.

Us wolves saw more of the forest life around La Push than anyone else. Surprisingly, we blended in well with them in a way humans couldn’t quite manage.

But we weren’t natural swimmers. These were creatures I had as little experience with as the other visitors in this place. It was difficult to be an expert on these things when they spent their lives in places inhospitable to humans. Even fisherman only managed to see a fraction of where these guys lived.

We walked on and on through the exhibits, each one making me feel more insignificant than the last. One in particular caused me to stop and stare at it for a while. It wasn’t even a tank with animals. It was one of those informational things that only the nerdiest of guests stopped to inspect.

The sign talked about how large the oceans were in comparison to the land on earth. This sort of thing left me feeling similarly to how discussions of the vastness of the universe did. But the universe always felt so far away, even when you stared up at it at night. The ocean was close. I’d grown up on its shore, so the discussion of its vastness hit much closer to home.

I could swim off the beach in La Push and wind up anywhere in the world if I had the stamina. For all I knew, I did have the stamina as a wolf. We’d never tested the full limits of it, although I knew I would get tired and malnourished if I wasn’t careful.

My thoughts drifted to how far I’d be able to make it and still survive. Not that I’d ever try. My wolf form could get me anywhere on land faster, and the ocean felt too large for me to arrive anywhere at a speed that wasn’t maddeningly slow.

Thinking about the distance I would have to cover made me feel small. Thinking about how much distance there was underneath the surface made me feel insignificant.

The human race may have come to dominate part of the earth, but we hadn’t gotten to most of it.

I pushed myself past the exhibit. I wasn't sure what Embry was doing at that point. The last I'd checked, he was behind me, and I was fairly certain he still was. But I didn't bother to glance back and see. There were too many other places my eyes need to look.

We reached the exhibit on sea creatures of the Pacific Northwest. For most people, this part probably felt unremarkable. Things close to home often do, and I knew I was guilty of similar sentiments.

But for however close these animals lived to me, I rarely, if ever, saw them. I had a fascination with the fact I could live alongside them my entire life and never be aware of it. I could go about my life on land and not once spare a thought to the countless creatures living within an easy distance.

The sea otters were here. The ones that mesmerized me as a child. I watched them, as playful and adorable now as they had been then. As a child, I hadn’t believed they were from around here because I’d never seen one. Now that I'd grasped the meaning of endangered, it was easier for me to understand.

Their few numbers along our shores, in particular, made it unlikely I would stumble upon them. I’d be lucky to see them even if I were searching.

I got lost in watching them for a while, and then I became conscious of the people around me. Glancing around, I finally knew for sure that Embry was standing at my side, but he wasn't watching the otters. He was watching me.

I looked away quickly, back at the otters, but I wasn't taking in their movements like I had been before. The feel of Embry’s eyes on me prevented me from focusing on anything else.

“Your face was different watching them than it was with the other animals,” he observed.

It was the first thing either one of us had said since entering the aquarium. I’d been far too focused on the animals to be making conversation. There was a possibility I’d looked like an overly excited five-year-old.

“The sea otters were my favorite as a kid,” I admitted.

That shouldn’t have been embarrassing. What kid didn’t have a favorite animal? There were reasons that zoos were so popular as family destinations. Kids loved animals. There was nothing abnormal about that. But I felt embarrassed for giving into that same sort of love as an adult. Or something like an adult at least.

Embry surprised me when he spoke up again. “The seals were mine.”

“Seals?” I repeated in disbelief. “Whose favorite is the seals?”

Embry gasped in mock offense. “Seals are awesome. Have you never watched them walk? I'm not even sure it can be called walking.”

“That doesn’t make them favorite animal material.”

Leaning on the bar in front of the glass with his arms crossed, Embry appeared to be taking this very seriously.

“And what makes an animal good enough to be favorite animal material?”

“One of two things: either its cuteness factor or its badass factor. Seals have neither of those.”

Embry shook his head and turned back to the tank instead of me.

“Some of us think seals are plenty cute. Thank you.”

I scoffed, but I was also smiling in amusement. I wasn’t surprised Embry had picked an unexpected answer.

It fit for some reason, and we kept on joking with each other the rest of the time we were in the aquarium.

Most of our trip was spent on the beach. While it was a lot like the beach in La Push, it was free, and it also wasn’t La Push. That alone made it different. Yet I did manage to get Embry back to the aquarium for one other visit. It hadn’t even been all that difficult to convince him as I knew he’d enjoyed it too.


	4. April

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, a huge thank you to Jezebel Jai-Braxlin for beta reading this chapter.

**April 3rd, 2008**

There was a strange tension in the air that wasn’t common for Black pack meetings. I couldn’t remember the last time everyone had been so serious. Seth and Robbie, who sat on either side of me on the couch, were stiff as statues.

They weren’t the focus of this meeting though. Al was. I’d gotten the call from Jake as soon as he was out of school that day. Al had approached him in the hallway and wanted a pack meeting as soon as possible. I’d run home quicker than normal to be here. The guys had all come together immediately after school.

As soon as I joined them, I knew that everyone was aware of what was going on, but they were going to let Al say it for himself.

It felt surreal that this was happening, although I didn’t think it was my place to feel that way.

My heart was racing. All I could think about was whether this would open up a floodgate. This was a chain reaction waiting to happen.

I’d been sitting down for five minutes before Al took a deep breath. Our eyes all snapped to him, knowing he had finally gained the courage to speak.

“Right,” he began. “So, I need to tell you guys something. Something kind of big. I guess. It could be considered big. It doesn’t have to be big. But I do need to tell you about it. So it’s kind of big.”

Quil cut off the boy's rambling. “Just say it, Al.”

Al’s head jerked in a nervous sort of nod.

“I’m bisexual.”

While part of me was curious about the others’ reactions to this, I kept my eyes on Al, watching his emotions play out on his face. I could tell he was struggling to appear neutral, or perhaps to not break in front of us.

Everyone was silent. I couldn’t place a bet on who would speak first. Seth and Robbie had both gone stiffer on either side of me. A feat I hadn't known was possible. I could sense Seth vibrating, and I knew that if he didn’t manage to get himself under control, he was going to phase. Even as I thought it, the shaking was calming down, even if he was just as stiff as before.

It was Jake who broke the silence.

“Well, now that’s out of the way, how’s school going for everyone?”

It was the most obvious change of subject I’d ever seen someone try to pull off. If I’d been holding anything, I would have chucked it at Jake’s head. Al looked much more at ease as soon as the focus was shifted off of him though, so maybe Jake had achieved what he’d been trying to do. Either way, I thought he could have gone about it in a less cringe-worthy way.

No one actually brought up Al’s sexuality for the rest of the night, I wasn’t sure whether that was a good thing or not. Would direct words of encouragement be better than the wordless acceptance? I’d struggled through both Seth and Robbie coming out to me, and I didn’t relish the thought of being the pack member that each LGBT wolf wound up going to. I wasn’t even sure how I had come to somewhat occupy that position.

Al was the only one who hadn’t come out to me before the others actually, and I remained the only wolf who knew Seth and Robbie weren’t straight. Sure, the other wolves suspected. I knew they did. But now Al was out to all of us, and Seth and Robbie remained in the closet.

Of course, it was still just between our pack. It was an unspoken fact that no one would hear about this outside of us. It had to be nice for Al. He was no longer trying to hide something so integral to himself from those of us who sometimes saw into his mind.

If jealousy alone was what caused Seth to look angry all night, I would have understood. But I felt like there was more to it than that. Something about his angry glares at Al didn’t hint at jealousy. Robbie wasn’t looking at Al that way. Robbie had gotten shier than normal and was clinging to Moses, who had become a shield from the rest of us.

By the time Seth and I left to go back home that night, my brother was in a worse mood than I’d seen him in since last year.

“So,” I began, feeling like I should help break the silence but having no idea what to say. “You’re not alone, I guess.”

Seth looked surprised and a little angry when he looked at me. His voice got quieter when he spoke even though we could both tell that no one was close enough to hear.

“Al is bi, not gay. That’s not the same thing.”

Well, no. It wasn’t. But it still felt like it should have been something. He still had to come out, and I’m sure it was hard on him like being gay was hard on Seth. I wasn’t sure why Seth was being so dismissive of that, but I didn’t push him further.

Seth pouted the entire way back home, even making occasional growling noises as if he couldn’t contain himself. Just once, I heard a faint whisper of, “That wasn’t how it was supposed to happen,” but I ignored it, knowing it hadn’t been meant for my ears.

I could only speculate about what was going on with Seth and Al. Sooner or later, I figured I’d find out like everything else. That was the way things worked if I was patient enough. I didn’t want to become some attempted superhero who swept into my little brother’s life and tried to fix things. Seth would figure it out on his own. Hopefully.

**April 7th, 2008**

It took four days for something to happen. A record.

I was always up before Seth on school days because I had to leave so much earlier to get to school, so I was surprised to see Seth at the kitchen table when I walked in.

Mom and Charlie were both already gone. Seth’s eyes were wide when I entered the room.

“What?” I asked, stepping around the table to go for the coffee. “Your supernatural senses had to have alerted you that I was awake.”

Seth didn’t answer my question. He didn’t say anything at all until I’d turned back around, full coffee mug in hand.

With a sigh, he said, “I’ve called for a pack meeting after school today. Jake’s telling the others. So, if you could run home right after your classes, that’d be great.”

There was a false sense of positivity with the statement. I watched him closely, not able to stop myself from muttering a, “Shit,” as I realized what this was about.

“You’re going to do it then?”

Seth offered me a jerky nod. He kept running his fingers over the wood of the table, creating designs that only he could see.

“I’m going to do it.”

Sitting down across from him, I tried my best to get him to make eye contact. He wouldn’t.

“That’s great. It’ll be a lot easier afterwards. Everyone took it fine with Al, not like it’ll be any different for you.”

The look Seth gave me was almost scary.

“It is different though. Al is bi. I’m gay. That’s not the same thing.”

“Well, no,” I replied in confusion. “But it’s still coming out. You’re worried about their reaction to you liking guys, right? Al was worried about our reaction to him liking guys, not girls. So…”

Seth continued giving me a strange look for several seconds before he sighed and shook his head in exasperation.

“You’re not going to get it.”

I was tempted to ask why exactly I wouldn't get it, but I didn’t get the impression that Seth wanted to explain. As far as I could tell, coming out as gay shouldn’t have been all that different to coming out as bi. Considering Seth was the gay one doing the coming out though, I’d have to accept his word and let it go. What did I know?

I finished my breakfast and got up to put my dishes in the sink. If I wanted to get to class on time, I needed to leave right away. I turned to look at Seth before I left, even going as far as placing a hand on his shoulder. He stiffened at the contact before relaxing, but he still looked down at the table instead of at me.

“I want things to be easy for you, Seth. Coming out should help with that in the long run, so I’m happy you’re doing it. But I’m sorry that doing it is so hard.”

He offered me one quick jerk of his head that was supposed to be a nod, but he still didn’t look at me. With a sigh, I let go of his shoulder and left him alone in the house.

School that day was long. Joselyn caught on that something was strange, but I couldn’t explain my behavior. It wasn’t my place. Even if she didn’t know Seth as anything other than a name I sometimes mentioned, I couldn't say anything. It was strange how bad I felt about that, like I was concealing information when I wanted to be open.

There was no telling what she thought was wrong with me, but she got the hint that I wouldn’t talk about it.

I was the last of the pack to show up again, and I found everyone in the same positions they’d been in the week before. The only major difference was the look on Al’s face. He looked content, almost happy. That had been a constant since the day he came out to us, but there was something new to it today. Like he knew what Seth was planning to do, and that had him feeling even better.

Seth, on the other hand, looked like he was about to puke, and Robbie kind of did too. Just like last time, everyone got what was happening, and Robbie looked off put knowing he’d be the only one in the closet after today. I didn’t get the impression he’d be taking this step any time soon.

It took Seth longer to speak up than it had Al. Sitting next to him, I could feel a nervous energy radiating off of him. With the look on Seth’s face, I wouldn’t have been surprised if he started crying, and I got more worried as we waited. No one made a move to say anything. In a rare move of tact, the guys got that Seth needed to do this at his own pace. Al, who had been smiling when I showed up, started to become serious as we waited, like he was getting worried Seth wouldn't go through with it.

Finally, after a long stretch of awkward silence, Seth took a deep breath, and I knew it was coming.

“I’m gay.”

It was as simple of a statement as Al’s had been, but Seth’s words came out more choked. While Al had looked nervous, Seth looked petrified, like he expected for there to be terrible consequences for his admission.

Jake, who had taken it upon himself to break the silence after Al’s confession, didn’t do so this time. Seth didn’t look like he could handle that sort of comment. I went back and forth between deciding to crack a joke or stay silent, and because I couldn’t decide, I went with the latter.

There were still tears sparkling in Seth’s eyes although none had fallen. I glanced around at the other guys to see that they all looked worried. Understandable given Seth’s expression. It was clear none of them had a clue what to do, not even Seth. Not until Al took it upon himself at least.

“Good to not be the only one of us who isn’t straight,” he commented. He tried to smirk at Seth, but it wasn’t convincing. He still looked more worried than anything else.

Seth let out a choked sound that had been an attempt at a laugh.

“Honestly,” Quil said, keeping his voice lighter than Al had managed. “It’s crazy that we got the both of you, isn’t it? I guess some of the guys in Sam’s pack could be gay or bi too, and we don’t know it yet, but I don’t think so. Can't believe we got the two of you.”

“Quil,” Embry snapped.

At first, I thought Embry was worried about Seth’s reaction, and Seth had shifted a bit, unsure about Quil’s comment. But then I noticed that Embry was watching Robbie carefully. You had to watch Embry to notice because he was trying to be discreet, but I saw Quil’s eyes flicker in Robbie’s direction too. The younger boy was staring down at his hands and looked scared, like Quil’s comment had hit too close to home. And it probably had.

Something inside me was stirring up over this. I'd almost call it maternal except I loathed the idea of using that word to describe myself. It was easier to think of it as being a sister figure. I was the oldest member of this pack as well as the beta, so I had a right to worry about the well-being of the younger members.

While some might reject the notion that Leah Clearwater could be a caring human being, I would argue that caring was what had turned me bitter in the first place. I still hated how much I cared sometimes because little good had come out of it over the years.

But I’d never felt as protective over anyone as I did Robbie and Seth. As Seth’s older sister, those feelings were an integral part of our relationship, but there was no denying that Seth possessed a quality that made people around him care. When it came to Robbie, I’d taken to watching him ever since the day on the beach when he opened up to me. I’d become protective of him.

I knew everyone saw it, even if they didn’t comment for fear of my wrath.

Now, both of them were in varying states of panic and fear, and I was as overwhelmed as everyone else on what to do. Personal feelings of protectiveness did not mean I was good at the actual goal of acting caring. I felt as useless as I always did in these situations. I wanted to help but was at a complete loss about what to say.

Quil was determined to correct any wrongs he may have committed. Especially after Embry had called him out for it. Words stumbled out of his mouth that sounded awkward, forced, and not at all comforting.

“Which is cool. None of us care. We’ve known for a while anyway. That the two of you liked boys, I mean.” At least he tried to deflect the focus from Robbie. I’d give him that, even if I couldn’t stop myself from rolling my eyes. “It’s fine. I was just saying that it’s an interesting coincidence. Rolling a Yahtzee on your first roll is also a coincidence, but it’s an amazing one.”

“Quil,” Embry stopped his friend again with a groan.

This time I could see amusement in Embry’s eyes, and even I was working to suppress a grin. It was harder when Embry caught my eyes.

Then, Seth laughed. It struck through the silence, startling everyone. For a few seconds, we all watched him in surprise, and then, one by one, we each broke down. The entire room was full of the sounds of laughter, and all the tension drained away.

I noticed that Robbie had tears in his eyes from how hard he was laughing, and Seth looked beyond elated. A switch had flipped, and suddenly, Seth realized that he wasn’t going to be judged for his sexuality. It was like a new confidence had flooded through him and changed everything. While he had already improved from his sour mood last year, this felt like the first true glimpse of the old Seth.

Actually, it might have been a glimpse of someone different. Someone more confident.

He still wasn’t out to the world, but every step built Seth up a little bit more.

I hoped Robbie managed to make it to this point someday too.

**April 17th, 2008**

The camaraderie among the pack shifted and changed once both Seth and Al were out. While we’d all been close for a while now, the increase in openness was visible in our dynamics.

One day, while blushing, Seth had told me how Quil had begun whispering to him about cute guys and had even asked Seth what Seth's type was. Although Seth had told me this with faux exasperation, I could tell he was grateful the guys had taken it in stride.

Things were good between all the guys, which was why I hadn’t been expecting what happened that afternoon.

My last class of the day was canceled, and since Joselyn had a different class, I’d decided I might as well go home. It was rare for me to be the first one home except for rare occasions where Seth had to patrol after school. I’d been enjoying the peace and quiet, something I didn’t get much of anymore.

Of course Seth was unaware I was here, but I would have thought his supernatural senses would detect me. He’d always had the best hearing in the pack. Typically, that alerted him to anyone around. That was why I didn’t bother to get up when I heard him enter the house.

But it didn’t take long to realize Al was with him. Then I began to make as little sound as possible in hopes they wouldn’t notice I was here.

I could tell from their voices that they had been arguing long before entering the house. It struck me by surprise. Both of them had been cheerful since coming out to the pack. I couldn't imagine what conflict there was between them. I’d have thought they’d feel more camaraderie than ever before, but apparently not.

Seth’s words were the first that I could make sense out of.

“I don’t understand why you’re against the idea. You’re supposed to want this.”

Al made a noise that sounded like a scoff.

“I do want it. Obviously. I said I didn’t want to do it right now. I don’t think now is a good time.”

“Why not? We’d be riding the wave of the first one. You were the one who came out to the pack first, remember?”

“What?” I could only imagine how angry Al’s face looked based on the tone of his voice. “Don’t use that against me! That has nothing to do with this. You came out to your mom and Leah months ago, but it took you until now to come out to the pack. Coming out to some people doesn’t mean you have to be out to the world.”

“No one said anything about the world.”

“That’s what you want though, isn’t it?”

While I couldn't see them at all, I could imagine what they looked like facing off. I was pretty sure this was the biggest fight Seth had ever had with anyone, and I felt like an intruder. There was no way out of it though. I couldn’t leave without being caught, and that would only make things worse. I knew I wasn’t supposed to know any of this.

“Of course I want to be out to the world,” Seth continued. “That would be the obvious end goal, but I’m not saying I want it right now. What I want is to stop lying to the people I’m closest to.”

“Neither of us are lying. We never claimed to be straight, right?”

“That’s not the same thing, and you know it.”

“I’m not ready, Seth.”

“God, Al. We said we were going to do this together, and then you went and came out to the pack before me-”

“You said you weren’t ready.”

“Yeah, I know, but that doesn’t change the fact you went and just changed plans on me without talking about it. It was one thing for you to do it on your own, but it was another to abandon our plans to do it together without telling me.”

This was news to me. While I’d figured Seth and Al suspected each other’s sexualities as much as the other pack members did, I’d had no idea they’d talked about it together in such detail. They’d done an incredible job of keeping that quiet. Now I wondered how long they’d been out to each other, and a bitter part of me was angry Seth hadn’t told me, as ridiculous as that was.

“You knew I wanted to. I wasn’t going to drag you with me, but I had to come out.”

“Well, I have to come out to the rest of the wolves now.”

“We said we’d wait and do it together,” Al whined, desperation in his voice.

“You fucking hypocrite!”

It was the loudest and angriest I’d heard Seth in his life. My heart stopped beating for a second. I sucked in a breath and held it. Al must have been as shocked as I was because the house was silent for a long stretch of time. It was so quiet that I feared my sped up heart would alert them to my presence.

But paying attention to the rest of the house was the least of their worries. They were far too focused on each other and their own rage to pick up on anything else. That might have been a first for Seth.

The silence went on for so long that I began to wonder how Al would counter back. Seth’s insult had been true from what I could tell, and I wasn’t sure Al could deny that.

I began to think that Al must have stormed out, but he couldn’t have. I hadn’t heard the noise of footsteps or the front door. They were both standing there in silence.

“Say something,” Seth growled after a while.

I heard Al stumbling over an attempt at words, but it was nothing more than a jumble of sounds that made no sense.

“I’m sorry,” he finally choked out.

I heard him move now. He was out the door at wolf speed. I wanted to get up and look out the window to see which direction he was going. In my mind, he’d shot off for the forest and phased but checking would mean Seth hearing my movements.

I was still debating how I was going to get out of this situation. I didn’t relish the thought of my little brother knowing I had eavesdropped on this.

But before I could do anything, Seth took care of the problem by disappearing outside just as Al had. He probably wanted to be out of the house before he thought I would be home. I chanced a glance out the window once he was far enough away to not notice anything happening in the house.

I caught him in time to see him disappear into the forest in human form. Possibly, he was about to phase, but Jake and Embry were patrolling, not to mention Al had probably beaten him to it. If Al was already steaming to Embry and Jake, I doubted Seth would follow. Too bad it was happening the first time Seth had ever felt so much rage. This would be a huge lesson on control for him, one he hadn’t gotten upon first becoming a wolf. Seth had never gone through the hot-headed phase most of us did. That was good in many ways, but it did mean, when Seth did get angry, there was less of a guarantee he could control himself.

**April 19, 2008**

Robbie, Al, and I had made the decision to combine our birthday parties into one for a second time. Like the year before, I let the guys take complete control over it, and I was far more satisfied this year than I’d been the year before.

The only thing I could say was bringing me down this year was the awkwardness between Al and Seth. I knew from what Embry and Jake had said to me that Al had phased that day but Seth hadn’t.

Jake and Embry hadn’t been able to figure out what was going on. Somehow, Al had managed to conceal that even in his anger. The only thing that had gotten past his defenses was that it was Seth he was angry at. That was why they had asked me if I knew anything. I had pretended to be as clueless as they were.

By now, everyone knew something was up. Seth had reverted back to his grumpy state, but it was only in full force when Al was around. There were other times where he looked down, but he always acted happier once you got him talking. The only exception was when Al was around. Then Seth’s stony face wouldn’t budge no matter what anyone else did.

For several days, I hadn’t expected Seth to come to the party. He’d gone to complicated lengths to stay out of Al’s presence. Meanwhile, Al acted like he wanted to patch things up, but he couldn’t when Seth stayed as far away as possible. The only times they were together were when other people were around, which was purposeful on Seth’s part. Al couldn’t bring up their argument around everyone else and expect things to get better.

It was for those reasons that I went into the party with low expectations. A sudden blowup on either Seth’s or Al’s part wouldn’t have been unexpected. In some ways, I would have been grateful for it. Especially if it meant they worked past it and made up. God knew they needed it. They both looked too upset to keep this up.

What still confused me was how things had reached this point in the first place. I still didn’t know when they’d come out to each other and what had led to it. I still had an incessant curiosity making me want to press for information, but I was aware I never could. Not unless I wanted to out myself and make Seth even madder.

On the day of the party, things appeared normal. Wolves littered the yard with their imprints and a few family members scattered among them. At one glance, an outsider might have thought everything was fine. Unless the outsider focused in on Seth or Al. Then they’d see not everyone was happy. From there, they might notice the confused, calculating glances everyone else was casting at the boys every so often.

This was going to be a long day.

Ten minutes in, I’d decided to do my best to pretend like there was no drama. Now we’d finished our food, and everyone sat around chatting. Only Seth and Al were quiet, sitting as far away from each other as they could while being on the fringes of the crowd.

I took a seat across from Embry at one of the picnic tables. Rachel sat beside me with Paul on her other side. Dallas and Moses filled up the remaining places at the table.

“I don’t get it,” Embry said, looking back and forth between Seth and Al.

It was the first time anyone had brought the situation up to me today. They could both hear everything Embry was about to say after all, but if they were paying attention, they were doing a good job of hiding it.

Embry continued, “They’ve never had any problems with each other before.”

“They never really talked to each other before,” Moses pointed out. I was surprised the twelve-year-old had spoken up. I had yet to hear any sort of opinion from him about Seth or Al. The boy hadn't had much of a reaction to the conflict from what I'd seen. “Have you ever noticed?”

He looked between me and Embry, the only other members of our pack at the table. Then he leaned over to get a good look at Al, who had been out of his line of sight.

“They were always quiet around each other, but it was only ever with each other.”

When Moses finally looked back at the table, he saw our surprise. I’d never noticed before. Seth and Al had always been fine with each other. I’d never stopped to analyze how many words they exchanged. Now I wondered if I’d failed to pay as close of attention as I should have.

Moses shrugged, still frowning. “Thought everyone noticed.”

“I noticed,” Dallas bragged. His chest puffed out a little in pride. Despite being more preoccupied with Seth and Al, I had to roll my eyes.

Something about that bugged me. Dallas was in Sam’s pack, and while all of us wolves were family, the pack divide had only become more significant over time. Each pack was a separate entity. Someone from Sam's pack realizing something was up with our members before we did was frustrating. I could tell from Embry’s face that he felt the same way.

“You go to school with Al,” Embry pointed out, trying to make himself feel better more than anything.

It was true. Dallas and Moses were a year behind Al in school, which meant they spent more time around him than we did. Well, maybe not more time in Dallas’ case because we spent quite a bit of pack time together. But it was at least an adequate explanation for why Moses had picked up on something we hadn’t.

I was still frustrated that I’d missed something like this with my brother. Considering he was in high school, not middle school like the others, there was no excuse about spending time at school together. I should have noticed. I felt like a failure both as a big sister and as a beta.

I was itching to talk about this more, but we couldn’t. Seth and Al could hear everything we said. Besides, Seth and Al were still only out to our pack, which meant half of our table hadn't been told. While no one had any confirmation that was why they were fighting, I knew everyone suspected. It was the only thing to change recently that could have led to this. I had something I could consider confirmation, but I couldn't tell anyone else that. I didn’t feel comfortable sharing information I’d obtained without the boys’ knowledge. Even if it did help get rid of some of the mystery.

By now, I suspected everyone had different pieces of information that others lacked. It made me wonder what we would know about Seth's and Al’s troubles if we pooled it all together. But that wouldn’t happen. It felt like an invasion, and it wasn’t right. But I did think that other people had been told things I hadn’t.

All I wanted was for things to stop feeling so secretive.


	5. May

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Jezebel Jai-Braxlin for beta reading this chapter.

**May 24th, 2008**

Quil and Embry’s joint birthday party had also turned into a graduation party for the wolves and Kim who had finished high school days before. Graduation usurped any birthday celebration Embry and Quil would be having otherwise.

For their part, Embry and Quil didn’t care. All of them were too wound up knowing they were finished with high school forever to worry about anything else.

I hadn’t been at the ceremony. Hardly anyone from the pack had. We would have been too conspicuous, so the party was making up for it.

Embry’s mom looked more excited than anyone. She was acting surprised that Embry had graduated after his sneaking out and gang activities. I was surprised she was even here. She hadn’t come to his birthday party the year before, and I’d assumed she was too nervous around the pack. Years later, and she still didn't know the truth.

But now that Embry had made it through school pretty okay, she was acting more relaxed about the pack. She wasn’t looking particularly thrilled to be around us, but she didn’t act scared. Maybe she’d sat back and realized Embry was one of the least scariest people on the planet. The people he was hanging out with couldn’t be much worse. Especially Quil and Jake considering she’d known them since they were little. At some point, she would have to start trusting Embry’s judgment of who he spent his time with.

Not that he’d had much choice in the matter after phasing, but she didn’t know that. The least she could do was give him the benefit of the doubt.

It didn’t take long for me to wind up sitting beside Embry. He was watching his mom, who was talking to my own mom and looking at ease with her surroundings.

Embry glanced over at me as I sat down, but his eyes went right back to his mother.

“It’s weird,” he admitted. “I didn’t expect her to come when I told her about the party.”

“Her child graduated from high school. Why wouldn’t she want to celebrate it?”

Embry did something that was both a shrug and a shake of his head.

“She’s never wanted to be around the pack before. Not that I’ve invited her that much. I was too worried she’d get suspicious. More suspicious than she already is, I mean.”

“I still think you don’t give her enough credit. She could take it if you laid it on her.”

“I don’t want her to have to take it. You’re supposed to be on my side with that, Ms. I-Want-To-Be-Normal.”

I waved off Embry's comment. “I gave up on being normal a long time ago, Embry. We have to accept that our lives are always going to revolve around the supernatural. Your mom’s will too. Better for her to know about it than continue to live in the dark about what's all around her. All the other parents have taken it well. Even Charlie, and you remember how crazy Charlie was right after he was told.”

“That was more to do with the fact Jake stripped and phased in front of him with no prior explanation.”

I poked him in the side. “You’re making my point. Just take that experience as how not to tell your mom that you turn into a giant wolf.”

“I would like to point out that Charlie still gets tongue-tied and shifty when anyone brings up vampires or wolves. He may know, but it doesn't stop him from pretending things are normal.”

“What he prefers most is probably his daughter not lying to him anymore.”

“Different,” Embry countered. “Bella couldn’t have kept being around Charlie unless he knew. My mom already sees me, so that’s not a problem. Plus, there was Nessie. Charlie wouldn't have been able to know Nessie if he hadn’t known things were up. How do you explain a girl who grows ridiculously fast? I don’t have that problem.”

Deciding that arguing about this wasn’t worth it, I shrugged. “Whatever you think is best. It’s your decision.”

“You could say that in a bit more convincing voice.”

“You know what I think. If you disagree, you’re the one who has to make the decision.”

Embry shook his head and sighed. “If you’re going to make me talk about something I don't want to talk about, then I'm going to do the same for you. I want to talk about imprinting again.”

“We’ve talked this to death.”

“We haven’t talked about it in months.”

“You have a theory. I don’t necessarily agree or disagree with your theory. What I do disagree with is bothering to guess about something we’re never going to know for sure. That hasn’t changed since the last time.”

Embry was quiet, but I didn’t for a minute believe he had given up. Something was driving him to get me to agree with this theory, and I could tell he was preoccupied with the thought. I was starting to think he had an unhealthy obsession with imprinting. It was definitely worse than I had, yet no one ever bothered Embry about the topic. Perhaps it was because Embry kept his thoughts concealed, or perhaps it was because my own struggles with imprinting had involved lashing out. Either way, I was surprised no one had ribbed Embry yet about his apparent romanticism where imprinting was concerned.

It was strange to me that one of the unimprinted wolves would have the most romanticized view of imprinting while the imprinted ones were content to stick with the practical mating theory. I wasn’t sure if it was a case of things looking brighter from the outside or if it was Embry’s personality. Either way, I wished he’d stop bringing it up to me. I preferred not going on about things I couldn’t control. No matter what caused imprinting, we’d never know.

Claire streaked by in front of us, laughing loudly. Nessie followed, slowing her speed and letting Claire run in front of her. Their wolves weren’t far behind, chasing them and pretending to be monsters or something.

I knew Embry was watching them like I was.

The biggest bone I would give Embry about imprinting, one I wouldn’t say out loud because I would be heard, was that thinking about it in terms of mating was unsettling when it came to Quil and Jake. Embry had pointed out in the past that we had no idea if Nessie would be able to bear children when she stopped aging, and I thought he was taking that as the true test of his theory. One that wouldn’t be answered for years.

Either way, thinking that Quil and Jake had imprinted on young girls so they could grow up and bear their babies weirded me out. Okay. Thinking about it on soulmate, not reliant on reproducing, terms was still strange but better. It didn’t go quite as far in a worrisome direction.

Even after all the time that had passed, I didn’t like dwelling on the ins and outs of those two imprints much. Quil’s imprint had started off as an anomaly, but once Jake imprinted on a baby too, I’d be lying if I hadn’t asked what the fuck was up with fate.

I guess I wouldn’t be an expert on soul mates anyway, considering fate hadn’t deemed me worthy enough. Not yet.


	6. June

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks to Jezebel Jai-Braxlin for beta reading this chapter.

**June 13th, 2008**

“You have to swear to me that we’ll stay in contact this summer.”

I laughed at Joselyn’s seriousness. As if I would stop speaking to her now that school was over. It felt nice to know someone cared enough to threaten me like that. She’d probably show up on my doorstep one day if I stopped talking to her.

“Not like I’ll have much going on otherwise," I complained. "I think I’ll be forced to babysit Nessie a bit before Jake gets out of school and does it himself, but what’s new.”

“I still don’t get that,” Joselyn muttered just loud enough that I’d have been able to hear it even if I were a human.

“You’re not supposed to,” I reminded her.

We’d reached a place of acceptance when it came to my strange anecdotes that made little sense, at least from Joselyn’s perspective. She knew Nessie as my step niece but also knew Jake was Nessie’s primary babysitter. I’d told her the same thing to explain away Quil’s relationship with Claire. Joselyn was confused, but I’d done my best to brush it off with reminders that traditional gender roles were stupid anyway. So what if two guys babysat?

Joselyn had agreed with me, but it was obvious that she suspected there was more than what she was being told. The important thing was that she didn’t push me for more information, and we were able to move past it quickly whenever it did come up.

“Well,” she said in a change of subject. “We’re meeting up at least twice a month. I swear, Leah. We will see each other.”

I laughed as we walked through the parking lot for Joselyn’s car.

“I know, I know. I already agreed with you on that. I told you I can come to Port Angeles whenever. Just let me know.”

“I will.”

She hugged me, and I surprised myself by hugging her back tightly. This sort of thing would have been unimaginable to me a year ago, but here I was, sad to leave a friend on the last day of school. In a way that was different from leaving Lucas last semester. This was nice.

As I left Joselyn behind and ran home, however, other thoughts were running through my mind.

I had an entire year of college under my belt. College, which had always been something I thought of as a long shot, was now something I had accepted as reality. Over the course of the year, I had re-evaluated why it was I was in college, and I still didn’t feel like it was for academics or the degree. Joselyn felt like the reason I was there. Making connections outside of La Push was what I wanted more than anything, and I'd succeeded.

But the fact of the matter was that college was ultimately for education. They existed to earn degrees first and foremost, yet I was done with my freshman year and still undeclared.

I’d decided to change that by the end of the summer. I had to decide what I wanted to do with myself.

The problem was, I didn’t feel like I was any closer to choosing a degree than I had been upon starting school. I was still aimlessly taking general courses and whatever looked interesting. There was no semblance of a plan behind it. Half of my classes had been chosen on the spot with my adviser because they fit well into a schedule. I wasn’t sure how many more semesters I could keep that up.

My schedule for the next semester was set, which only made my decision feel more immediate. The usual track for an associate’s would have put me graduating in two semesters, but that required taking the correct classes. Classes that I know only had one semester to fit in if I wanted to make it. My decision had to happen sometime before the next scheduling session. And I couldn't allow myself to push it off and allow it to surprise me again.

So, I knew my goal for the summer. The problem was that I didn’t know how to achieve the goal.

My school had a limited number of options, but they still felt overwhelming. There wasn’t even a few that stood out to me among the rest. None of them had been the reason I came to school, and none of them felt like my “calling” or anything cheesy like that.

No, my decision was going to come down to what I needed the fewest credits to receive and nothing more. I dreaded figuring it out.

**June 21st, 2008**

Sam and Emily’s house was packed when Seth and I got there. Making it into the house was a struggle, and Seth got lost behind me as I weaved through the crowd. It was surprising he’d managed to keep up with me during the walk there. He’d dragged his feet so much that I thought he might not make it to the house.

This was the first dual pack meeting we’d had in far longer than a year. Except it wasn’t a pack meeting when the imprints had been asked to come too. It was more like the parties we had so frequently except with a narrowly defined purpose. I supposed Seth had decided that they should hear it from him instead of the other wolves. It was a wise decision, but he looked like he was regretting it now.

His nerves might have been misplaced when everyone already knew why they were here. I could tell that from glancing around. More than a few of the others were watching Seth with caution, like they were worried about him. No one looked confused or clueless about what was happening. Not even Jared, who I would have argued was the densest of everyone due to his self-absorption.

With all the seats taken, I chose to perch myself on the armrest at the end of the couch. It placed me hovering over Emily, who was snuggled into Sam’s side. I hardly spared a thought to how I’d have been on the opposite side of the room from them not too long in the past. Now I was only concerned with the most convenient place to sit.

Emily and Sam smiled at me as I sat down, and I smiled back with only the slightest bit of hesitance as a result of Seth’s nerves. I turned to watch my brother as he hovered just inside the door.

Everyone already knew that Seth was the reason we were having this meeting, so he was destined to be the center of attention from the second he walked in. He knew it too and was fidgeting, unable to move.

I scanned the room again, this time paying more attention to everyone’s faces. Unsurprisingly, only one face looked anything but sympathetic and curious: Al. He looked angry, and I wanted to roll my eyes.

He and Seth hadn’t been speaking for two months, and it was reaching the point of ridiculousness. Having heard the fight, I knew it wasn't pointless, but I did think they could have gone ahead and talked it out by now. The fact each of them refused to so much as look at each other was childish. Sometimes I had to remind myself how old they were. It wasn’t as if I’d been an epitome of maturity at that point in my own life.

Or like I was one now.

Despite sympathizing with Al being upset, I did think it was stupid of him to be angry at Seth for doing what he felt he needed to do. Especially when I was able to make the assumption that Al had betrayed Seth first. He should have had little influence over Seth’s decision to do this.

Of course, I could have been biased as Seth’s big sister, but even now, I thought of Al as a little brother of sorts too. I wanted them both to be happy, but I was pissed about what Al seemed to have done to my brother. Even if I was a bit hazy on the details of what had gone down.

Seth didn’t make a move to find a seat, preferring to remain standing in front of the entire room. While he did take a few steps away from the door, I couldn’t help but think he was giving himself the option to run if he needed it. The door was a form of protection from the rest of us.

He glanced around nervously, and I tried to smile for the brief second his eyes were on me. I couldn’t be sure if he caught it or not. His face remained an impassive mask of fear.

With a clearing of Seth’s throat, the room became even quieter. Everyone fixed their eyes on him and didn’t move. Seth fidgeted some more before he spoke, using the same simple sentence he’d used with those of us who already knew.

“I’m gay.”

Again, there was silence after the statement as everyone looked at him. Seth’s expression remained the same, waiting for a reaction. I glanced around the room, unsurprised to see that no one appeared surprised.

Just like last time, it was a waiting game to see who would break the silence. Our pack was waiting for someone else to do it, feeling like it was their place. We’d already known after all. Still, Seth was freaking out a little more for every millisecond of silence that passed, and I couldn’t stand to let him continue down that road.

I elbowed Emily’s shoulder. The motion startled her, and she glanced up at me with wide eyes.

“Are we getting food?” I asked, hoping the question would prompt enough commotion to pull attention away from Seth.

Sure enough, most of the guys began voicing their agreement that they needed food. Emily smiled, but I watched her glance at Seth as if still uncertain it would be proper for her to do anything.

“Of course,” she finally said. She’d seen something in Seth’s demeanor to prompt her, but he was only staring at the wall looking nervous. “I have some in the kitchen.”

More than half the room took that as their cue to rush into the other room. I noticed that most of us left behind belonged to Jake’s pack. Seth finally looked away from the spot on the wall and observed who was here. His shoulders relaxed , but I could tell he also glanced back at Al several more times than he did the rest of us.

Al who was still frowning and refusing to look in Seth’s direction.

Part of me wanted to get up and slap him on the back of the head for being an idiot, but doing so would only make things worse. We all watched Al as he stood up to go to the kitchen, deliberately taking a longer route to stay away from Seth. I watched him go, catching Jake’s, Embry’s, and Quil’s eyes once Al had disappeared through the doorway. I knew there was a lot each of us wanted to comment on but couldn’t.

I moved to sit on the couch cushion that Emily had vacated. Seth moved to sit down, taking the space that was now between me and Jake. He sighed, and I reached out a hand to pat him on the shoulder. It wasn’t much, but he smiled at me in appreciation.

“Al needs to get that stick out of his ass,” Quil commented after a while.

I shot him a reproachful look. While I was inclined to agree, it didn’t feel like a good idea bringing it up. But Seth gave a little choked laugh, which counteracted the growl of anger we heard from the kitchen. A few of the others even laughed from the other room, and I imagined it had to have been because they had heard. I could imagine the glares they were receiving from Al.

Quil shrugged, not regretting the comment. Unsurprising, I doubted Quil had ever taken back anything he’d said in his life.

After a few minutes, Jake got up to get food, clapping Seth on the shoulder with a smile as he went. Quil followed after him, leaving only Seth, Embry, and me in the living room. I could tell from the way Embry was watching Seth that he wanted to say something to him. Sometimes being surrounded by people with supernatural hearing made privacy difficult. Add to that your thoughts being broadcast to everyone on a regular basis unless you developed strict control of them and being a wolf often felt like living in a glass house. One with interior glass walls where those closest to you saw everything, even if the exterior was made of brick to block out the rest of the world.

“At least that’s done,” I said, trying to prompt Seth into saying something. The two huge words of his admission were the only ones he'd spoken since entering the house.

“Yeah,” he muttered. It sounded like he was in a state of disbelief.

“How does it feel?” Embry asked.

Seth shrugged before coming up with a better answer. “Right now it feels the same, which is what’s weird, I think. Nothing feels different even though it was supposed to be earth shattering. Or at least earth shifting. But it doesn’t feel like that. It’s kind of… disappointing in a weird way.”

“Makes sense to me,” Embry said. “Stuff you have to build yourself up for is almost always less overwhelming than you’d thought it would be.”

Seth nodded, but it was hard to tell how much of Embry's words he’d taken in. He looked like he was zoned out. “Yeah, I guess,” he said absentmindedly.

“I’m going to find food,” I announced, getting to my feet.

Embry announced that he’d go with me, but Seth remained in his place. I glanced back at my brother when I reached the doorway, wishing he would come join everyone else. There was no reason to stay isolated, and I felt bad for leaving him behind when he still looked so out of sorts. I almost made a move to go back towards him, but Embry put a hand on my arm and shook his head.

I understood why it might be best to let Seth decide for himself if he wanted people around, even if it felt wrong. That was the only reason I headed Embry's advice with nothing more than a frown. I offered Embry a nod and turned back around, going into the kitchen and leaving Seth on his own.

When Al slipped out of the kitchen ten minutes later, I was the only one to notice. No one appeared to hear the front door closing behind them soon after either.

**June 26th, 2008**

Despite Seth’s confused mood the day of his biggest coming out, he was cheerful in the days that followed. I wasn't sure how much came from the reality sinking in and how much of it came from what had happened between him and Al later that day.

All I knew for sure was that Seth and Al were on speaking terms again. In fact, they had reverted right back to how they’d been months ago. I was seeing for myself what Moses had meant when he said they rarely talked to each other.

While the hostility was gone, they weren't friendly. They weren't anything. The others had accepted that things were normal again and let it go. I, on the other hand, was suspicious as fuck. Possibly because I knew more. Something was going on that they weren’t telling anyone.

What I had overheard didn’t fit into this rarely speaking to each other nonsense. I didn’t care how natural it appeared to the other guys.

Summer break meant spending time around the house trying to occupy yourself, and Seth and I were no exceptions. I was seeing my brother a lot more now than I did throughout the school year, and I was starting to think I needed to use that time for quality sibling bonding. It was the only method I could think of to dig for more information.

I could use the excuse that this was because I cared about Seth all I wanted, and I did. But the truth of the matter was that I was also curious. There was a mystery here, and my mind was itching to discover what the truth was. At least I was trying to go about it as discreetly as possible.

Seth was occupied with some TV show. It looked like a sitcom, but I wasn’t concerned with it. My mind was too focused on other things to pay attention. Even though I was sitting in the living room with him, my mind was off in space coming up with a way to broach the topic of Al that would feel natural. At a commercial break, I went for it.

“So, things between you and Al have gotten better.”

There was immediately a pink twinge to Seth’s cheeks. His eyes remained on the TV as he offered me a shrug.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“You guess?”

He didn't answer for a moment, letting a commercial for toilet paper be the only noise in the room.

“It is better. And mostly normal.”

“But not entirely normal,” I said, adding on the most logical conclusion to Seth’s words.

Seth began chewing on his lip. “Not entirely normal, no.”

I’d already guessed as much, but this was still a revelation of sorts. It was obvious they were trying to appear fine, and as far as everyone else was concerned, they were.

Seth sighed, and I had a hunch that I was about to get closer to figuring this all out.

“Do you know what made me finally accept the fact that I was gay?”

I hadn’t been expecting that question, but I already had an answer at my fingertips. I’d seen enough to have some idea.

“Turning into a giant wolf and suddenly having access to guys’ heads?”

“No,” Seth replied immediately, sounding annoyed. “Well, yeah, kind of. But it’s more complicated than that. It was partially being in the guys’ heads, but it was being in Al’s head more than anyone else's. He had already accepted the fact that he was bi, even though he wasn’t out. Like, he was just comfortable with it and everything. That was incredible to me.”

“But how did you know? The rest of us had hints, sure, but we didn’t get anything out of him.”

The color in Seth’s cheeks darkened. “We were patrolling one day, just the two of us. I let a thought slip on accident. I know that wasn’t the only time. I think I did it with all the guys at least once, but I was mortified. But then Al decided to show me his own thoughts about boys to make me feel better. So then we both knew about each other. It wasn’t until then that I started thinking about it more on my own. Before then I kind of repressed it, tried to make myself like girls like I saw the other guys liked girls in their heads. It never worked, but I tried really, really hard.”

It went quiet for a moment, and I couldn’t bring myself to break it. When Seth spoke again, his voice was a whisper.

“Seeing that he had the same thoughts as me and wasn’t weirded out by it or anything, it helped. It was the first time I thought that I could be gay and things could still be okay. The first time that I thought ‘gay’ and ‘misery’ weren't synonyms.”

“You never thought that before?” I asked, surprised that my voice was almost as quiet as Seth’s.

Seth’s expression remained somber. “Not really. It was confusing. On one hand, I knew it didn’t have to be that way, but on the other, it was impossible to see it any other way. We don’t exactly live in an area of great gay acceptance, Leah. And I’m a werewolf, and the guys are always dropping their clothes in front of each other without thinking about it. Not to mention that we can all read each other’s thoughts. It made sense that they would react badly. It seemed idiotic to think they wouldn’t.”

“It’s not any different from having a straight girl in the pack.”

“But, Leah, they do all kind of did freak out about you. At first they did at least.”

It was quiet for a second as I thought back to my first months in the pack.

“Okay. Yeah, true. But the point is that they got over it. Surely you thought enough of them to think they’d get over your sexuality too.”

Seth shrugged again, taking a deep breath before continuing. “It was hard to see that far in the future. The initial reaction scared me more than anything else. It was the only thing I thought about.

“The only way I could imagine being out was if I somehow escaped La Push, but that was impossible. And you know I’ve always wanted to stay in La Push my entire life. I started feeling like it was a choice between my sexuality or my hometown, and I didn’t know what to do.”

Tears pricked behind my eyes, and I did my best to blink them away. This was the most open Seth had been with me about what he’d been going through during his “grouch days” as I’d come to call them. We were still at the beginnings of Seth being able to talk openly about being gay. I considered the fact that he was saying so much now to be a huge achievement.

I stood up from the chair I sat in and moved to sit by Seth on the couch instead. I leaned into him, letting our shoulders press into each other. It felt like the right level of intimacy for us, not too awkward but still enough to convey our feelings.

“You don’t feel that way anymore, do you?”

I could tell it was something Seth had to consider before he could answer me.

“Not really. By now most of the town has heard about it, and it’s not as bad as I expected. Of course, that could be because they’re scared of the guys if they do anything cruel to me.”

“Or scared of you,” I pointed out. I think sometimes even Seth forgot he was part of the pack too and therefore also intimidating to those outside of it. At least until they carried on a conversation with him.

“Maybe,” Seth allowed with a shrug. “That doesn’t make me feel any better.”

I chewed on the inside of my cheek, trying to come up with an idea that could cheer Seth up. Nothing sounded plausible. This was something he would have to overcome by himself and only by himself. I felt confident he would pull it off too, sooner rather than later.

“You’ll be happy,” I told him, leaning over to rest my head on his shoulder. “Both you and Al. I know you will be.”

I had to believe that because no one I knew was more deserving of happiness than Seth. If he didn’t get it, then there was no hope that I would.

Seth made a noise, letting me know he’d heard me, but I could tell he was skeptical of the sentiment. A part of him still believed he was doomed to be miserable, even if he was working hard on not feeling that way.

Al wasn’t helping. I was sure both Al and Seth were feeling worse off because of their conflict with each other, but they’d have to work it out for themselves. I hoped that happened sooner rather than later.

We were silent for quite a while after that. I tried to pretend my attention was on the television, but when another commercial break happened, I couldn’t help but speak up again.

“Would you hate me if I asked exactly what your feelings for Al are?”

Seth immediately froze. I lifted my head up from his shoulder to look at his face, and he was staring down at me in fear. On one hand, I felt a little like I was intruding. It was hard to say what my perception of their relationship would be if I hadn’t overheard what they'd said to each other. But I was starting to think I would have picked up on something anyway if I’d bothered to be perceptive. In fact, over the past several days, I’d started to think that Embry suspected what I did as well, although he never tried to discuss Seth and Al with me. And since the younger wolves were around Al all day at school, I was wondering if they’d considered it too.

“Why?” he asked, voice wavering. “Why are you asking?”

I shrugged in a way that I hoped looked casual. I was still hoping that we could pretend I was only suggesting something I’d considered on a whim.

“Different reasons. You're both the only members of the pack who aren’t straight. I guess that alone could lead to feelings, not that you should date someone just because they like boys, obviously, but it’d be natural for a crush to happen.”

Seth moved away from me enough for it to be noticeable. We were still close, but our arms were no longer pressing against each other like they had been before.

"I’m not going to like someone just because they’re the only boy around who likes boys.”

I kept myself from sighing or showing any sort of exasperation. It was reasonable that Seth would immediately get defensive like this considering. I didn't have it in me to blame him.

“That’s not what I meant. I don’t think you like Al just because he likes guys. I think you like Al, and it happens to be a nice bonus that he also likes guys.”

For a minute, I wasn’t sure if Seth was going to respond. He was watching the TV and chewing on the inside of his cheek intently. Several different emotions flickered across his face as he thought about Al.

“I do like him,” Seth finally admitted. His voice was once again like a whisper. “And I do think it started off being for no other reason except that he liked boys. That was nice, obviously, but I didn’t want to like someone just because of that, so I tried to stop. But then we kept talking, and he was the only one I knew who felt what I felt and was struggling with it too. And that was nice. Really nice. After a while, I realized I still liked him, and this time it was because I could relate to him.

“But I still feel like I might like him because he’s my only option in La Push, and I don’t want that. I don’t want to like someone just because all the other guys around me are straight. That’s not how that should work.”

That wasn’t the conflict I had been expecting Seth to reveal.

“Is that what you two were fighting over then?” I asked, hoping it was an innocent enough question and one that would lead me to the truth. Our conversation so far felt like it had only created more dots, and all of them still needed connecting.

“No,” Seth told me, letting out a large sigh. “That wasn’t what we fought over.”

He didn’t give me any more information, so I chanced elbowing him, hoping that it would prompt more. It worked.

“Starting off, I think we both wanted to relate to the other too much. I didn't realize it, but I expected his situation to be exactly like mine with no differences. But we aren't the same. I came out to everyone, and Al wasn’t ready yet. Our situations started off the same, but we were ready for different things at different times. Now I definitely think I was right. I can’t start up a relationship with the first boy I know who likes boys. I need more than that.”

It wasn’t the entire story, but it felt like enough of it. I could guess a lot of the surrounding details with what I had now.

“You don’t just have your sexuality,” I pointed out. “You’re also both wolves, for whatever that’s worth. That’s already bonded your lives together.”

“Oh, great,” Seth responded flatly. “We’re both queer and turn into giant wolves. The greatest basis for a relationship ever.”

“Hey,” I protested. “Relationships have started over shallower things. It’s as decent of a start as ‘look, an attractive person.’ If great relationships can come out of that, great relationships can come out of being mythical creatures together.”

Seth didn’t argue. Instead, his words took a turn that I hadn’t been expecting. Seth's words became amused instead of disheartened.

“It makes sense that you’d think two people being wolves would be a good start to a relationship.” 

I wasn’t sure what he was hinting at, but I didn’t like the tone of his voice. I got the impression I was being mocked for something that I couldn’t figure out.

My clueless expression must have been obvious to Seth too because his expression changed from joking to confusion.

“Wait. Do you not know what I’m talking about?”

“I don’t have a clue,” I admitted.

It wasn’t until after Seth had continued that I realized I should have tried shifting the path of this conversation earlier.

“Have you or have you not developed feelings for a certain Embry Call?”

The way Seth said it sounded certain, like he knew without a doubt that I liked Embry and he just wanted me to say it out loud. I was genuinely confused.

“I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, Seth. Embry and I are friends, yeah, but what the hell do you mean, 'do I like him'?”

Seth stared at me in shock for a few seconds before his face shifted to an expression that appeared to be pity.

“Wow.” He drew out the word for emphasis. “You’re in some deep pit of denial, Leah. The biggest pit I’ve ever seen. I can’t believe you went through all that shit about Al with me when you can’t admit that you have a crush on someone.”

“I don’t have a crush on anyone! And I’m not lying.”

Seth nodded. “I know you’re not lying to me. I can tell that you think you’re saying the truth, but you’re not. It’s apparently yourself that you’re lying to.”

I was annoyed by now. For some reason, Seth’s words had me beyond angry. Even though I knew it wasn’t a rational response, I felt like I had little control over it.

“You know,” Seth continued. I should have been happy that he appeared more thoughtful than upset, but it was hard to remind myself how worried I’d been minutes ago. “Now I wonder if you’re only concerned about me because it distracts you from all the repressing you’ve been up to lately.”

“I don’t like Embry fucking Call, Seth. There’s no repressing.”

Seth was close to laughter, and I felt close to slapping him in the face. But Seth and I were the only sets of siblings I knew who had never been violent with each other, and I wasn’t going to break that streak now. It wouldn’t solve anything, and Seth would do that wounded thing he did so well, the one that would make me feel guilty for days.

“Leah, have you ever stopped to wonder why it’s Embry you spend so much time around?”

“I don’t spend that much more time around him than any of the other guys.”

I ran through all the time I spent with Embry, trying to understand. Sure, I’d dragged him along to Oregon with me, but that had been a one time thing. And sure I felt a tad bit closer to Embry than any of the other guys, but why did that have to be romantic?

I continued, “Why can’t a guy and a girl be friends without everyone thinking there’s something between them?”

“They can,” Seth said. He still had an annoyingly amused grin on his face. “You’re friends with Jake and Quil for example. Embry’s different.”

“Can’t a girl be a bit closer with one of her guy friends without it being romantic?”

Seth shrugged. “Yeah, but that just doesn’t happen to be you and Embry. You can pull the ‘guy and girl just being friends’ argument all you want, but sometimes there is more between two friends. This is one of those times.”

I didn’t know how to stress to Seth that it wasn’t. I didn’t have romantic feelings for Embry. I didn’t have romantic feelings for anyone at the moment. I still didn’t think a relationship was in the cards for me anytime soon. The only way I could think of to stress that to Seth was giving him a firsthand look into my thoughts, but that was a bad idea. Not only did it scare me off by being too personal, but any of the other guys could phase while we were doing it. The last thing I needed was Embry stumbling into it and seeing me stress how much I didn’t like him like that.

Not that I thought it would hurt him or anything. I didn’t believe for a second that Embry liked me either. Seth was crazy. But that didn’t mean I wanted to live through that moment.

“I’ll make you a deal,” Seth said. “If you ever decide you want to talk to me about how you have feelings for Embry, then I’ll open up more about Al too. Or whatever’s going on with me in the love, lust, whatever arena by the time you sort your shit out. Until then, I’m not telling you anything about my feelings.”

“And if I never develop these feelings that you’re so sure I already have?”

Seth shrugged, standing up from the couch. “If I think you don’t like him anymore, then I’ll consider the deal void. Until then…”

I wanted to fight back. I wanted to tell Seth that he was wrong, that I didn’t have feelings for Embry, so his deal was already void. Shouldn’t he trust my own interpretation of my feelings over his? If he thought I had feelings for Embry now when I didn’t, what would be enough to convince him? Me marrying someone else?

At this rate, I would never know what was going on in Seth’s love life. Not that I wanted to know everything. I wasn’t a snoop. But getting some information here or there would be nice.

But I didn’t argue. I knew Seth well enough to know it was a losing battle. Whatever the truth, Seth was convinced he was right, and Seth rarely backed down when he believed he was right. He wouldn’t talk to me about his feelings until he was personally convinced I didn’t like Embry, and I had no idea when that would be.

That next weekend, I debated not going out to watch the sunrise. Spending less time with Embry was the only plausible way I could think of to convince Seth of the truth. In the end though, I hadn’t been able to stop myself. At first I told myself it was because of the sunrise. I enjoyed it, looked forward to it each week. Why lose that because my brother thought he was an expert on my feelings?

Eventually though, I’d had to admit to myself that I went at least partially because of Embry too. I enjoyed spending time with him. I'd never doubted that much. I’d never doubted that I was the closest to him out of all the members of the pack. That much had become obvious over the last year.

None of that meant I had a crush on him. I didn’t have a crush on anyone.

If Seth’s words led me to think about dating Embry, that was only because Seth had stuck the suggestion into my head in the first place. It would have happened if he’d said the same thing about any of the other guys too. It didn’t mean anything.


	7. July

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting this only three hours after the last chapter, so make sure you've read June. And thank you to Jezebel Jai-Braxlin for beta reading this chapter.

**July 12th, 2008**

When I cornered Moses to wish him a happy birthday, I wasn’t sure what mood I would find him in. Plenty of others would feel upstaged by the recent news that had circulated the pack. That was why I’d been intent on finding him before I found Sam or Emily.

Surprisingly, he looked thrilled, like sharing his birthday with such excitement was a treat.

“It’s like an extra celebration,” he told me once I'd voiced my skepticism.

“I guess.”

Something about my tone sobered Moses for some reason. His smile dropped, and he looked at me like he was concerned. I raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to explain himself.

“I mean, it’s kind of a celebration. It’s also not all that important. Just another thing. Happening.”

My eyebrows went even higher.

“What the fuck are you going on about, Moses? Obviously it’s a big deal.”

Now Moses looked confused, which, in turn, made me even more confused.

“You look concerned,” he admitted.

The realization of what he’d been trying to do hit me, and I almost let out an “oh” in response. Part of me was touched that Moses had thought about that or tried to help cheer me up or whatever he’d been trying to do. But I hadn’t even considered that, and I was also exasperated that he thought I’d still be upset about that after all this time.

“I’m not upset about their news, idiot.”

“Oh.” Moses was relieved that he could go back to being happy without feeling bad about it. “That’s good. Really good.”

“Yeah, it’s good,” I agreed, smiling at him in amusement. “In fact, I’m going to go find Emily now. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

He nodded in consent, wandering off towards Paul and Sam while I went to the kitchen to find Emily.

“How long do you think you’ll be able to do this the same as always?” I asked loudly as I entered.

Emily wasn’t alone. Kim and Rachel were there as well, although only Kim was bothering help. Emily had her chopping vegetables, one of the few tasks she ever handed out to anyone else.

The woman I’d been addressing turned to smile at me only briefly before she was messing with the food in a pan again. I took a seat across from Rachel at the kitchen table.

“Ideally, I’ll be able to for the entire pregnancy.”

The news of Emily’s pregnancy had worked its way through the pack like wildfire as soon as she and Sam had found out. But it had done so with little help from the expected parents, which meant I hadn’t seen either one of them since I'd learned about it. The only contact between us had been a few text messages with the compulsory congratulations.

“If anyone could stay as productive nine months pregnant as they were before the pregnancy, it would be Emily,” Kim joked, handing the carrots she’d chopped over to Emily and starting on some tomatoes instead.

“There’s a lot of truth in that,” Rachel agreed.

I couldn’t imagine Emily taking a break no matter how worn out or sick she felt at any point in the pregnancy. It might have been a bad thing far more than a good one, but I couldn’t see Sam letting her do anything dangerous. He’d force her into bed rest if he needed to. The only time he’d ever go against Emily would be when her health was at stake. And now the health of their unborn child.

“Do you want a boy or a girl?” Kim asked with a giggle.

Emily had a huge smile on her face, and for some reason, I was struck by how much this felt like the same atmosphere as when the two of us had discussed boys when we were younger. Hell, this felt like when I’d first started gushing about Sam to her. There was some sense of irony to that. In the not so distant past, I’d be angry as fuck right now. As it was, I was amused by the realization and nothing else.

“Either,” Emily admitted. “Why say one or the other and feel disappointed when we find out? There are always more chances in the future.”

Rachel snorted. “You’ll wind up with five of each anyway.”

Emily laughed. “We’re not that ambitious, Rachel. Ten kids might be enough for a wolf to handle, but it would kill me. We’ve talked three, maybe four.”

I wonder how much of a “we” those conversations had involved. Three, maybe four, had been what Emily had been saying about kids since we were kids. It was always what she had imagined. Sam and I had always said two when we were together, but now I figured he had been going along with me more than anything. If he wasn’t doing the same with Emily now, I would be surprised. Not that I saw that as a terrible thing. If the imprint was as magical as it was supposed to be, they would wind up with the number of kids meant for them.

Of course, if Sam thought imprinting was all about kids, then he would think the more kids the better. A part of me wondered if they would wind up with ten kids like Rachel had joked. In fact, I wondered if Rachel’s own comment came out of her fears over what imprinting meant. I knew she’d always been firm about having only one kid and later in life at that.

“Maybe you’ll be the one with ten kids, Rachel,” I couldn’t help joking.

Sure enough, her face got a little uneasy. My guess had been right. She tried to brush off her reaction with a shrug.

“After the first one, I’m getting my tubes tied. If I miraculously get pregnant after that, Paul’s not getting sex until I’m way past menopause.”

A smirk rose on my face at the image of a very frustrated Paul.

“I think you’d be good after you got your tubes tied, Rach. The chances of your Fallopian tubes fixing themselves aren't better than the average person.”

Rachel shrugged again. I could tell that some part of her was honestly worried a surgery like that wouldn’t stop her from having kids. It made me wonder what all the imprints themselves thought about imprinting. I’d never stopped to talk to them about it. I’d figured they each bought the theory that imprinting revolved around babies too, but I’d never stopped to think about how they felt about that. It had been a given that they'd be enthusiastic about it. Imprinting was supposed to be all about what the imprint wanted. Going off Rachel’s expression, some part of her felt like she was a glorified baby-making machine. I wanted to talk to her more about it, but it wasn't a good idea when all the guys were so close. I couldn’t be sure Rachel would tell me the truth instead of glorified, glossed over bits of truth.

Emily came over to the table, carrying two different bowls that she proceeded to mix. She looked at ease being pregnant, like she was meant to be in this state. It was difficult to believe she felt the same sort of reluctance towards imprinting that Rachel did. And Kim had always been so infatuated with Jared that I doubted she had thought of possible downsides to imprinting. Rachel though, she had me curious.

Now that I thought about it, I couldn’t believe I hadn’t bothered to ask her about this before. We were close, but I’d always seen her as being sappy where imprinting was concerned, like the others. At first, I hadn’t wanted to discuss it with her out of bitterness, and later on, it had felt unnecessary. Now I wished I had gotten into it with her earlier and resolved to do it sometime in the future.

**July 26th, 2008**

Everything about this felt strange. Almost wrong.

As I walked down the street with my duffel bag across my shoulder, I tried to remember the last time I had spent the night at someone’s house. It had to have been the last time I’d spent the night with Emily, back before Sam phased the first time. I’d had sleepovers with other friends too, with friends I no longer spoke to except for Rachel. But no one as often as I did Emily. She was likely the last.

I felt too old for this, especially when I knew I was going to Kim’s mom’s house. I’d never properly met the woman before, and I was spending the night in her house. I was struggling to figure out how this had come about.

Emily had said that Kim had said her mom would stay upstairs most of the night, but this still felt too middle schooler-ish to me. Emily was married and pregnant for god’s sake. Sure, Rachel and I both still lived with a parent, but- Well, this still just felt strange.

Luckily, both Emily and Rachel were already there when I arrived. Rachel answered the door, and I figured out quickly that Kim’s mom wasn’t downstairs. I could hear her footsteps above us in what I assumed was her room.

“Happy birthday,” I told Kim as I threw my bag down where Emily’s and Rachel’s already sat.

Kim smiled up at me as I sat down with them in the living room. She always looked so happy to see people.

“Thank you,” she replied. The sincerity of it wasn’t something you always heard in what was, for most, the customary response.

I had no idea what to expect from this slumber party. While I considered myself to be close with Rachel and had become more friendly with both Emily and Kim lately, I never spent hours alone with them. The idea of us sitting around here all night doing god knew what was a bit intimidating.

For more than a week, my mind had been wandering to thoughts about the imprints’ views on imprinting. My main motivation for agreeing to this was to see if I could coax them towards having that conversation. Kim had acted surprised when I agreed to come with no struggle whatsoever. I would feel bad if she found out I had an ulterior motive.

I did like having her as a friend, and every day I begrudgingly found myself more fond of her. She struck me as being a little like Seth in that regard. He had the same effect on people. It’s just that I didn’t do entire nights alone with people. I had regained some of my social skills since my self-imposed social isolation, but not to the point where I could deal with people for hours at a time. That trip with Embry had almost killed me, and I spent more time alone with him than I did Rachel, Emily, or Kim. I couldn’t see how this would go any better.

“We have snacks,” Kim said, motioning at the living room table that was covered in every sort of junk food imaginable.

I wondered how much of that was because she thought I, as a wolf, would eat more than the rest of them in a month. There was no way she would have bought this much food for four humans.

I nodded in a show of awareness, but I didn’t make a move for any of the food. None of it had been touched since it had been placed there. I’d only just eaten dinner before coming over, and I figured the others had too.

Kim struck up a conversation about the child assembling itself in Emily’s uterus. It was the most obvious topic to go with considering the timing, but it was also something that Emily and Kim were visibly excited about. Rachel and I weren’t so much.

I was as happy for Emily and Sam as I assumed Rachel was, but I didn’t want to spend the whole night discussing what theme the nursery should be. I didn’t care. What was the point of decorating a nursery anyway? The baby didn’t care. It would grow up soon enough and want it decorated a different way.

“How’s work?” I asked Rachel instead.

It was another topic I wasn’t interested in, but I could handle this sort of conversation more than one about buying things for babies.

“Fine,” Rachel replied disinterestedly.

This was what I hated about this situation. Rachel knew I was only asking because I needed something to say, and Rachel wasn’t one to go on about her days either. Neither of us were the sort of thrive on small talk. Kim wasn’t either, which was why Emily was the one who kept the conversation flowing between us most days. Babies, though, were a great conversation starter with Kim, and she was gushing as much as Emily.

“I wonder what it would feel like to be maternal,” Rachel mused, dropping all pretext of a conversation about work.

She wasn’t talking quietly, but Emily and Kim had gone deep enough into their own little bubble that they didn’t hear. I shrugged.

“I wouldn’t have a clue.”

“Everyone talks like us women should be obsessed with babies, and I mean, they’re okay. Cute when they’re happy. But I don’t feel like I have that maternal thing that’s supposed to kick in around now or whatever. The one that makes you want to start popping them out.”

I could tell from Rachel’s words that this was something that had been building up in her for a while. I would guess she'd been thinking about it before Emily had even announced that she was pregnant.

“Same here,” I said. “Kids are okay when they're happy, but I’ve never been enthusiastic about becoming a mother. I’m not saying I don’t want kids at all, but I’ve never felt the draw other people seem to have.”

Rachel nodded quietly. She was watching Emily like she could absorb some maternal instinct through the look.

“I’ve thought about it,” she said. “Not having kids at all. For a while, I thought that’s what I’d do. I didn’t even imagine being married until I was at least thirty. I planned on being too busy with work for it, you know? It felt like the only way to be successful. I had to devote myself to my career and nothing else at first.

“I didn’t expect the imprint, and I’m still not sure what that means for my plans.”

I hummed in agreement, but since I was the only one here who wasn’t an imprint, I didn’t feel like there was much I could say. Rachel’s position was one I had no experience with. I didn’t know what it was like. But I did want to discuss this more, so I turned to Kim and Emily.

“Kim,” I called to get the girl’s attention. “What did you always plan to do after high school? Is it different now?”

I knew she hadn’t heard any of what Rachel and I had been discussing. I wasn’t surprised when she was caught off guard by the question, but she wasn’t against answering it. She shrugged a bit as if she didn't have an answer.

“I’m planning on doing an apprenticeship to become an HVACR mechanic.” It was obvious right away that none of us knew what that meant. “Heating, air conditioning, and refrigeration mechanic,” Kim went on to explain. “I’d install them and work on them, stuff like that.”

I couldn't repress my look of shock. That wasn’t something I had ever imagined timid Kim doing. Except now I wasn’t sure why. I had no idea what I expected someone in that profession to look like. Well, other than male, but considering my own anger at being the lone female in a wolf pack, I shouldn’t have been surprised about that. In fact, I would be the first one to give Kim props for choosing something unexpected. It still felt odd. The answer I had been expecting was a job that emphasized Kim’s quietness.

Rachel looked as surprised as I was, so it was nice to know that I wasn’t the only one who had never bothered to talk about this with Kim. Emily, of course, had heard this before.

“Apprenticeship?” Rachel asked. “Really?”

“Yeah.” Kim blushed and gave a self-conscious shrug of her shoulders. “That’s how you get certified, and you can’t work without being certified.

“So…” I continued, no longer sure of how to carry the conversation forward. “You’ll, like, go into people’s homes and work on their stuff for them and all that?”

“Mhm,” Kim confirmed.

I couldn’t help my, “Huh.”

Picturing Kim walking into strangers’ homes for work was like picturing a tiny deer plopped down in a lion’s den. I’d seen firsthand how uncomfortable she got in unfamiliar environments, and other people’s homes were the ultimate of unfamiliar environments. Hell, even I had felt out of place coming to Kim’s house today, and I both knew Kim and didn’t share an ounce of her timidity. I couldn’t believe Kim was pursuing a job where she’d have to do that every day. Probably many times a day, although I wasn’t actually sure how it all worked.

“I like working on things like that. It’s enjoyable for me,” she said quietly.

She was under the impression we were going to judge her for making a stupid career choice. Like we thought she was strange for wanting to work on heaters for the rest of her life or something. That wasn’t what had thrown me off. I just couldn’t get over the working in strangers’ houses part. I wondered if Kim had thought about it because it was hard to believe she had and still wanted to do it.

“She starts her apprenticeship soon,” Emily said. She smiled encouragingly at Kim to assure her that everything was fine, and Kim smiled back, looking a bit more comfortable than she had before.

“That’s cool,” I said, wanting Kim to know that I wasn’t actually judging her. “How long does that last?”

“I have to get in 10,000 hours before I’m licensed,” Kim explained, looking more at ease than she had before. The more she talked about it, the more she was in her element.

I had no idea how long it took to achieve 10,000 hours, not knowing how many hours Kim would be working per week. I could only imagine that it took years of time to get that many hours. However long it lasted, 10,000 hours sounded like a big commitment to someone like me who wasn’t sure what they were going to do with the college education they were completing.

“So, you have that, and Jared just got the job at Masco,” I clarified, although I already knew it was all true. “When’s everything else happening?”

It was perhaps the worst way imaginable to ask Kim when marriage and babies were coming, and I wasn’t surprise at the flustered look Kim gave me. I wouldn’t have appreciated being asked that, but it didn’t feel out of place when Sam and Emily were already making babies. It would have felt less out of place to Kim and Emily if they had overheard mine and Rachel’s discussion minutes before.

Kim offered me a half-hearted shrug.

“I don’t know. I’m just taking it as it goes.”

My best guess was that meant she’d say yes whenever Jared proposed, which was likely to happen sooner rather than later. With Jared, Kim, and Paul all out of high school now, I imagined marriage was the next thing in mind as far as those two couples went. While Rachel appeared to still be skeptical, I had little doubt that she and Paul would be married rather soon. Still, I imagined that Jared and Kim would beat them. It was hard to imagine the two of them not being married as quickly as possible.

And I couldn’t blame them. Why wait if you had concrete evidence that you were soul mates and going to be together forever?

I still wanted Kim to talk about how she viewed imprinting, so I kept pushing.

“But what did you always imagine? About marriage and all that, I mean, when you were little?”

Emily made an uncomfortable face at my question, and that was what it took for me to realize why this discussion between the two of us was strange. But that hadn’t occurred to me until Emily’s reaction. I’d gotten the impression lately that Emily was having a harder time getting past that whole conflict than I was. Her continued tiptoeing around certain topics was heading towards the straight up aggravating.

I chose not to acknowledge her reaction, waiting instead for Kim’s reply.

“I’ve always imagined three kids,” she admitted. “But I never thought about when I’d have them or when I’d get married or anything like that. In my head, I always imagined marrying Jared, but since he didn’t realize I existed, I didn’t want to get my hopes up.”

I wondered what would have happened if Jared and never phased and had, therefore, never imprinted on Kim. While I had given Embry a lot of flack for his imprinting theory, he was right to say that Jared could have easily never noticed Kim existed. Kim, in turn, would have likely never worked up the courage to say anything to him. Maybe one of them would have had a breakthrough, but it was difficult to imagine.

For the first time, I let myself think about what that would have meant for their lives. I could imagine Jared marrying someone else. Maybe he’d have even been happy, but I doubted it would have been like things were between him and Kim. Imprint couples were too disgusting with each other. No other couples could measure up to it.

As far as Kim went, it was easy to imagine her infatuation with Jared continuing forever and her winding up alone because of it. Even if she’d forgotten about him, I envisioned her only dating guys who noticed her first. It scared me a little to think how easy it was to imagine her unhappy.

The thought of it made me want to take Embry’s imprinting theory more seriously than I had in the past. At least partially because I didn’t want to imagine myself going down a similarly miserable path because I never found an imprint of my own. A part of me would feel more at ease if Embry’s theory were true. If not imprinting was fate’s way of letting me know that I could discover my soul mate, whatever that meant, on my own without any help.

“What about you?” Kim asked in a small voice. “What did you use to imagine, Leah?”

I hadn't expected the question.

Emily looked even more uncomfortable now. I avoided looking at her more for her comfort than my own. She already knew this. Even Rachel knew a lot. Kim was the only one clueless to my past romantic musings. The ones that had been common before shit hit the fan.

“Married right out of high school, stay-at-home mom with two kids,” I told her robotically. It was what I had imagined for as long as I could remember. It had always been the ideal that I wanted. Now I was twenty-two and single. My ideal vision of the future was unachievable. There was no way to make it a reality.

Kim nodded in a way that showed she didn’t know of any verbal way to respond. Emily was looking away from me. It was obvious to all of us that Emily was closer to achieving my dream life than I could ever be, but Emily and Kim were both oblivious to the fact that I didn’t care. I’d accepted that fate a long time ago and believed idealized visions of the future were useless anyway. I didn’t put much stock in them anymore. While the haziness of my future made me uneasy at times, I preferred it in many ways to dreams that would only let me down. Those hurt far more.

“Now I don’t know,” I admitted. “The husband and kids part doesn’t seem as important as it used to be. I’m not saying I’m against it. Just that I don’t see it as crucial to my life like I did in high school.”

Rachel nodded along like she was in agreement even though I knew that she had never been into the idea of having kids in her life. I could remember high school and how she had suggested having kids in the future, but it had never been something she had sounded too enthusiastic about or a subject she cared to talk about often.

If usual expectations were correct, Rachel should be marriage-crazy by now, and Emily noticed. I saw her eyes narrow in on Rachel with curiosity.

“What about you, Rachel? What did you used to say about marriage and kids?”

While I had known Emily my whole life and Rachel almost as long, the two of them had never known each other. All they’d had before becoming imprints were occasional comments I'd made about the other over the years. If they’d ever spoken to each other, I had no recollection of it, and even if they had, I doubted it had been a memorable experience.

Emily had no way of knowing how Rachel had felt in high school, and I doubted Rachel had bothered to bring it up. If Emily had learned anything about Rachel though, I would have thought she’d have gotten the answer. Then again, Emily sometimes acted like being a mother was the end all, be all of life. She had a hard time believing anyone could be lukewarm to the idea of kids, and that could have clouded her judgement.

Rachel shifted under Emily’s intense gaze. “I never gave it much thought,” she admitted. “It didn’t feel immediate enough to care.”

Emily nodded, but I could see the wheels turning in her brain as she thought about Rachel's answer. I knew from our talks as kids that Emily couldn’t picture a young girl growing up without imagining a happy ending. But Rachel had never been a dreamer type. She was someone who focused on more attainable goals she could fulfill. Rachel liked controlling her life, and marriage relied too heavily on another person.

When it came to kids, I knew enough to know they weren’t something she’d ever been enthusiastic about. I had little hope that Emily would be able to understand that mindset.

“It’s more immediate now though, isn’t it?” Emily asked.

I got the feeling she was searching for something now, but not even I was sure what that was. Rachel hesitated before answering, not knowing what answer Emily was looking for.

“I guess,” Rachel said. “Maybe. Paul and I haven’t discussed marriage yet.”

Emily shrugged like that was a small matter. “You don’t have to. You’re an imprint, so it’s bound to happen. What’s there to discuss?”

Rachel stiffened beside me, and even I could feel my hackles raise. I shifted uncomfortably. Across from me, Kim appeared to shrink into the couch, sensing conflict.

When Rachel answered, there was a bite to her voice. “Imprint or not, you still have to discuss marriage.”

As if dismissing Rachel’s words, Emily shrugged again. “About the specifics, of course, but not about actually getting married. He’s going to propose, and if the wedding is going to happen sooner or later, it might as well be sooner. There’s no sense in putting it off.”

I could sense Rachel getting angrier beside me. This was one of the most unbelievable things I'd ever seen, and I turned into a giant wolf. Emily rarely had a conflict with anyone. I’d always been the outlier in that sense.

While I’d been eager to get the imprints’ views on imprinting, I hadn’t expected for it to lead to an argument. Now I realized that I should have been aware of the potential. I’d had a good idea that Emily and Rachel would express different opinions. I hadn’t expected their differences in opinion to be such a big deal to the both of them.

As I ran Rachel’s previous words through my head, I got the feeling this had more to do with internal feelings on her part than Emily, but Emily didn't get that.

“Paul can’t expect me to marry him like it’s a done deal,” Rachel snapped. “That’s not how it works. If he expected me to marry him without us ever discussing it, then I wouldn’t marry him at all.”

Rachel’s words were an exaggeration that came more from her current anger at Emily than anything else, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t a real sentiment there. Emily looked like Rachel had said the most unimaginable thing in the universe.

“Rachel, you’re his imprint.”

“I’m not his anything. Yes, he imprinted on me, but that doesn’t make me his like I’m some object. I can say no. He doesn’t control me as if I’m unable to think for myself. I’m an intelligent being. I have to make life decisions for myself not have them decided for me by someone else.”

Emily looked more offended than I had ever seen her in her life, and a large part of me wanted to follow Kim’s lead of sinking down and trying to hide in plain sight.

“That’s not what I’m saying,” Emily snapped back. “The imprint bond is something bigger than any one person. It chose you two for each other. Obviously, you’re going to get married.”

“I know Paul’s my goddamn soul mate, Emily. I’m not arguing with you about that. You act like I’m betraying him or something by being an independent human being.”

“You’d be betraying him by acting like the two of you aren’t one unit. When two people are married-”

“We’re not fucking married,” Rachel snapped. “And I’d still be my own person if we were, Emily. That doesn’t magically change when the imprint fairy sprinkles her magic over you, and it doesn’t magically change when you get a piece of paper from the government.”

“It’s more than that.”

“Yes, it is. Because the two people in the marriage make it more than that. You can’t force other people to operate on your view of marriage, Emily. It’s never going to work. You and Sam can do things however you want. All I’m telling you is how things are going to work between me and Paul. You don’t have to get so fucking offended by someone else’s relationship.”

“Don’t you think Paul should get a say in what your relationship looks like?”

Despite deciding to stay as out of this as possible, I couldn’t stop myself from rolling my eyes at that. Luckily, Emily didn’t see. She was too occupied with staring down Rachel, who was looking at Emily as if she’d gone crazy.

“When the fuck did I say Paul didn’t have a say in our relationship? That’s my point about the two of us discussing marriage instead of him just assuming, Emily. It’s so we both get an equal say in what happens. That’s the point.”

“That’s not what you’re saying at all. You sound like you’re implying that you’re not marrying him, Rachel, and that’s not fair to him.”

“Not fair to him?” Rachel spat. “What the fuck, Emily? Would you say that to anyone who wasn’t an imprint? Should anyone marry someone just to 'be fair,' not because they want to? Is that how happy marriages start?”

“We’re imprints. This is different.”

“It starts different, yeah. It’s still a relationship, Emily. No one’s going to regulate what me and Paul’s relationship is like except me and Paul, okay? Shut the fuck up.”

“The wolves have responsibilities, Rachel. They were created to hunt vampires. They’re obligated to do it. We were created for a reason too, Rachel. We’re going to marry our wolves and have families. It’s what we’re meant to do. It’s why we’re imprints.”

“Yeah, well, fate didn't ask to use my uterus as a wolf-making factory, and I’ll decide for myself what happens to it. Thanks.”

That comment stopped Emily dead in her tracks. She stared at Rachel with an expression that could only be described as abject horror.

“You don’t want kids?”

Despite Rachel’s reluctance to talk about it earlier, her anger had emboldened her.

“I don’t know if I want kids or not, Emily. I don’t know what the fuck I want. I’m twenty-one years old, and I have the right to not have a clue what the fuck I want, dammit.”

It went quiet again. Emily was still staring at Rachel in shock, while Rachel was trying her hardest to calm down. Now that things were quieter, I glanced over at Kim, noticing that she looked close to tears.

“Guys,” I said. “I’m not about to step into the ring here, but I should remind you that it’s Kim’s birthday today.”

Kim blanched as we each turned towards her. She cowered like a dog expecting abuse from its master. But the reminder snapped both Rachel and Emily out of the anger-filled world they’d been occupying.

“Right.” Emily ran her hands up and down her thighs, straightening the skirt of her dress.

Rachel’s eyes were cast downward. Her anger wasn’t as evident as it had been, but I knew it was still shimmering beneath the surface.

This wasn’t how I had expected a discussion about imprinting to go. In my head, I had imagined all three imprints going on sappily about their relationships while I attempted not to vomit in disgust. Instead, I tossed and turned that entire night (an early one since no one had had much to say after the argument) trying to sort out what had transpired.

Emily and Kim were both confident in the trajectory of their relationships. That wasn't a surprise, but I had never guessed at the inner turmoil Rachel was feeling. I’d been surprised when Paul first imprinted on her. Partially because I hadn’t expected Paul to imprint, let alone imprint on someone I considered a friend. But beyond that, Rachel didn’t fit the type of girl I had come to associate with imprinting.

But after the imprint, I felt like she had changed. She’d become a bit more idealistic just like the other imprints, and I had accepted that attitude as part of the imprint magic. I’d come to assume that imprinting meant the most stereotypical view of a happy relationship imaginable.

I was starting to rethink that.

How much of what I thought of imprinting was due to imprinting and how much of it was due to the imprints I just happened to know? Or how much of it was due to other forces?

I was starting to think Rachel felt more pressure than she had let on, that she had a certain impression of imprinting that she was trying to fulfill but couldn’t. Not while being truly happy at least.

While I hadn’t had a positive view of imprinting in the past, this was a new source of negativity that I wasn't used to. I wasn’t sure what to make of it yet.

Although, if my past experiences with imprinting were anything to go on, I’d never know what to make of it.


	8. August

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was actually meant to go up yesterday, but the other site I post on refused to let me into my account (just going to the log in page gave me an error message), so I held off posting here as well. Because of that, expect a second chapter not too long after this one goes up.
> 
> As always, thank you the the extremely helpful Jezebel Jai-Braxlin for beta reading.

**August 6th, 2008**

I tapped my fingers along the keys too lightly to actually type. This felt like it should be a bigger moment than it was. I’d been staring at my advisor's email for an embarrassingly long time as if it were going to change.

But it wasn’t the email that I had expected to change. I’d expected some sense of relief over having a clear path, a major, but I didn’t feel much of anything.

So I was finally a business major. I still didn’t know what I was going to do with that after college. I still wasn’t sure if I wanted to do anything with it after college. It was becoming clear why some people leeched off their parents forever. Finding your place in the real world was difficult, not to mention daunting. Living like a perpetual teenager would have its perks as much as its downsides.

I closed out the web browser, still feeling the same as always. I didn’t feel like more of a college student than before. Picking a major was feeling more and more like a useless milestone. It didn’t even feel worthy of being deemed a milestone.

It was supposed to give me a clear path, but the path was turning out to be as unclear as the maze I had been in before.

**August 26th, 2008**

“Are you ready to go back?” Embry asked me one morning while we waited for the sunrise. It had gone back to being a daily thing for the summer.

“Go back where?”

“To school,” Embry explained. “It starts in less than two weeks.”

“Right,” I said, stomach sinking at the realization.

I found my stomach knotting up for different reasons than the year before. This September I would have Joselyn there to spend time with, and knowing that helped me feel like I actually belonged at school. The thing about this year was that Embry would be there too, and I wasn't sure how to handle that. Would we talk? Would we spend time together? How did we act around each other away from La Push but somewhere I knew some people and he didn’t?

It felt like a challenge. I wasn’t sure what our dynamics were supposed to be at college. Embry had yet to talk to me about what he expected. Should I offer to give him a tour of campus or something? It sounded lame, but I remembered getting lost the first day. He might appreciate it. Maybe he even expected it. Maybe he was upset I hadn’t acted more excited about him coming to my school. I hadn’t said anything to him about it.

I had no idea what the protocol here was, and it left me feeling unsure as I started another semester. I was starting to think the feeling was unavoidable on the first day of classes.

I shrugged in a partial answer to Embry’s question.

“I wouldn’t say I’m ready or not ready. I’m excited to see Joselyn every day again. I’m not as excited for studying and homework and everything else college is supposed to be about.”

Embry nodded in acceptance. When it became clear he wasn’t going to say anything of his own, I spoke up.

“What about you? You’re going to be a freshman. That’s more exciting."

I could barely hear Embry sigh.

“I’m excited, I guess. If I’m honest, I don’t know how to feel about it.”

“Why’s that?” I asked even though I was familiar enough with the feeling to have a good idea why.

“First time attending school outside of La Push. I don’t know what to make of that. It's going to be different from high school. I’m not a fan of the unexpected. I like things that I can fully understand.”

“That’s a nice sentiment for someone who’s surrounded by things that can’t be understood. But if it makes you feel any better, you’ll know more people there than I did when I started.”

I had been hoping that last comment would prompt Embry to say something about what our dynamics would be like at college. Instead, he focused in on the other part of what I’d said.

“And that would be why I have things like my imprint theory, Leah. To try and make as much sense out of our lives as I can. As far as I’m concerned, imprinting works the way I understand it unless something confirms differently. It makes me feel better about it.”

I chewed on my bottom lip. I’d been debating telling Embry about the argument I’d watched between Rachel and Emily for weeks. I knew he’d be interested in how it aligned with his view of imprinting, and I wanted someone to discuss it with to work out my own feelings. But so far I had shied away from bringing it up because I was scared of some unforeseeable conclusion that Embry would draw from the entire thing.

“About imprinting,” I began. My voice trembled from the nerves of bringing it up but grew stronger as I continued. I told Embry everything, knowing that nothing either Rachel or Emily had said was a secret. I didn’t feel guilty for disclosing what had happened that night, but I did feel strange about it from some reason. A reason I didn’t think I fully understood.

Embry nodded along for the whole story, and the sun was peaking over the horizon as I finished.

“I’d always thought Rachel viewed imprinting differently than Emily and Kim do,” he admitted. “It was one of the things that prompted me to start thinking about imprinting more if I’m being honest. I wouldn’t say she’s an exception since there’s Nessie and Claire. They must think of imprinting differently too considering their ages.

“Still, something about Paul imprinting on Rachel caught my attention. I grew up with Jake, remember? It’s not like Rachel told us much, but I was around their house enough to catch on to some of her views. And it’s not like Paul’s ever been much of a romantic either. When he first imprinted on her, I figured that was a big reason why.

“Their relationship is destined to be different, and it doesn’t have that mushy family stuff surrounding it that Emily and Kim both want."

Everything Embry said was stuff I’d already thought on my own, but it felt good to hear that someone else thought it too.

“How come you never said this before when you were talking about your theory with me?” I asked.

Embry shrugged. “When I said most of that to you, we were close enough to the guys that they could hear us if they wanted to. I figured it was best not to talk about them and their imprints as if I were studying them in a science experiment.”

“But you kind of are,” I pointed out.

Embry shrugged it off again. “A bit,” he admitted. “But it’s kind of natural to study people around you like that. Even if you don’t realize you’re doing it. We all analyze what the people around us do and make judgments based on it.”

It was true, I supposed, even if most of us weren’t turning our judgments into full fledged theories.

“But what you haven’t told me,” Embry continued, “is what you thought about what Rachel said.”

I almost bit through the inside of my cheek, and I forced myself to stop, self-conscious about how Embry was peering at me. My shoulders jerked in a way that could pass for a shrug.

“It was interesting,” I admitted, not willing to reveal much more. But Embry kept looking at me expectantly, and I knew I had to provide something else. Still, I held off, falling silent again.

“Interesting in what way?” Embry asked once I’d been quiet for longer than he liked.

I shrugged again, wishing there was a way out of this.

“Interesting in the way that Rachel’s comments made me think about your theory in the first place.”

“So it feels more valid to you now?”

“Your theory never felt invalid to me. What I said was that I didn’t think it was necessary to speculate in the first place. Not when we can never know one way or the other.”

It was Embry who went silent then, staring off at the sun that was now over the horizon.

“We may,” he said finally, and I could tell he was choosing his words carefully. “I mean, if Rachel winds up deciding she doesn’t want kids. Hell, if Paul winds up deciding he doesn’t want kids. I could see that too. That would put a huge dent in the child theory, and there has to be another explanation.”

“Maybe,” I admitted. “But it still doesn’t prove anything. Rachel and Paul deciding not to have kids doesn’t mean they don’t fulfill that theory. The theory is that imprinting provides a better chance that the gene will be passed on or make stronger wolves, right? Rachel could still fit that because of the potential if they have kids. They just wouldn’t be acting on the opportunity. She is a Black. They’re the oldest line we have.”

“Yeah, but why would fate waste an imprint on someone destined to not have kids if it was about that?”

I took a deep breath. The answer came to me so quickly that it helped convince me that I was on the right track.

“Because the potential was there. We don’t know anything about fate or the imprint fairy or whatever it is. How would we know if it sees the future or whatever instead of just the potential of genes?”

“Fair enough,” Embry allowed. He was grinning in a way that showed he liked that I was challenging him. I could see from his eyes that he was working to find ways to counter every argument I made. “I could see why someone could take that view, but I still think fate can see more than that. Although, you do realize there’s another test to the theory too? Even less foolproof, but still something.”

“What?”

“Rebecca.”

Embry paused after that, and I looked at him in confusion. I knew he had to mean Rebecca Black. It was the only Rebecca we both knew. I just didn’t understand what she had to do with this conversation or imprinting when she hadn’t stepped foot in La Push in years.

“What about Rebecca? She’s in Hawaii.”

Embry rolled his eyes, an unusual action for him. “Obviously, she’s in Hawaii. That’s why she’s significant. She carries the Black gene just like Rachel does. They’re even identical. Their genes are identical. If we follow the theory that imprinting is only about genes, then Rebecca and Rachel are both two of the best potential imprints, right?”

My mouth hung open. Somehow, that had never entered my mind. Probably because Rebecca was both far away and married.

“Yes…”

Embry continued, “And none of us wolves has seen her since we phased, so there’s never been a chance for an imprint. But if imprinting is concerned about making more wolves or better wolves, it would be stupid to not pull Rebecca into the mix.”

“But, Embry, she’s married.”

Embry nodded. He was doing that thing again where he stared off into space and thought deeply even as he spoke.

“I know. That’s another big question, whether whatever influences imprinting would care. I mean, Taha Aki had two wives before his imprint, and the legends never say if he imprinted before or after the death of the second, just that she died of old age at some point. I’m not saying we should claim he imprinted before the second's death. My best guess is that he imprinted after her death. I’m just laying it out there as a possibility.

“Even without that, imprints could have broken up marriages in the past for all we know. If we’re operating under the assumption that not everyone manages to choose their soul mate on their own, then imprinting happening regardless of marriage could work for any of the theories. I wouldn’t be surprised. Think about you and Sam. Yeah, you weren’t married, but imprinting didn’t care about your relationship. It’s not that far fetched to think it wouldn’t care about a marriage if it didn’t suit its needs. Whatever we say those needs are.”

I felt like something heavy was sitting on my chest. I’d had a lot of negative opinions on imprinting over the years, but not once had I stopped to think about the possibility of imprinting obliterating marriages without a thought, even in my bitterest days when I cursed imprinting for ruining my own relationship. There had always been an unspoken acceptance in my mind that imprinting wouldn’t go as far as ending a marriage.

Once I’d gotten over my shock, I asked, “So, you want to know if one of the wolves would imprint on Rebecca if they saw her?”

Embry nodded his head, not looking in my direction.

My mind had already gone to what that meant. “But, Embry, you’d be the most likely candidate for that, wouldn’t you? You’re the oldest un-imprinted wolf. Besides me, but that’s different. I guess one of the younger guys, like Collin or Brady, could imprint on her, but if it’s all about mating, you’d still be the most logical choice.”

Embry nodded again, and at first I didn’t think he was going to say anything. He looked conflicted.

“I’ve thought about all that. The thing is, if I did imprint on her, it would pretty much confirm that imprinting is about mating. Trust me when I say that I’m positive Rebecca isn’t my soul mate, and I need you to remember that if I were to imprint and my mind decides that she is. It would confirm that all imprinting cares about is babies, and then I’d be wrapped up in it. I don’t want that.”

“But you don’t think that’ll happen. You don’t think that’s what imprinting is.”

“No,” he agreed. “But I don't want to find out I’m wrong either. Especially not like that.”

We both went quiet, thinking about what that meant. Any chance of Rebecca coming back to La Push in the foreseeable future was slim to none. She would avoid this place for decades if she could get away with it. Still, it felt like there was a ticking time bomb, like I was waiting for Rebecca to come visit to see what happened.

“There are two other tests of the theories that I can think of,” Embry said after a long period of silence.

The sun was so far up in the sky that, on any other day, we would both be gone by now, yet I couldn’t bring myself to end this conversation.

“Wow. How have you thought about all this, Embry?”

“I told you I think about this a lot, Leah,” he shot back.

He didn’t say anything more at first, and I wondered if I had actually offended him. It seemed unlikely. I reached out to nudge him and gain his attention back.

“Seth and Al,” he said without preamble. This time my mind flew to what Embry was talking about, and I was surprised I’d never had any thoughts about it before. “If either of them imprints on a guy, then imprinting can’t be about mating. If Seth imprints on a girl, that’s the most conclusive evidence that imprinting isn’t about soul mates that I can think of.”

It was the most foolproof of Embry’s ideas, and I almost wished he had shared it first. It would be by far the most convincing for everyone if it happened. There was no way anyone could argue that a same-sex imprint couple was supposed to start popping out puppies. Seth imprinting on a girl could still be defended by some. I knew that. But plenty of people would be convinced enough by a gay guy imprinting on a girl to know there was a different motive than soul mates.

I would lose my shit if fate did that to my little brother. There was no doubt in my mind I would be angrier than I had ever been about Sam and Emily. Someone would pay. I wasn’t sure who, but I would find a way.

I had to take a moment to push away my anger. Once I did, I thought of something else to say.

“But none of these things has actually happened,” I point out. “And it’s possible none of them will. You’d be hard-pressed to even get Rebecca here if you wanted to test that theory.”

I could tell by the expression on his face that Embry didn’t want to test it. I couldn’t blame him. There was something terrifying about knowing there was a chance you could imprint on someone the next time you saw them. Even without being in that situation, I could imagine the dread. If Rebecca did come back to La Push, I wouldn’t blame Embry for locking himself in his room the entire time, whether it would be a test of his theory or not. I may have grown warmer towards imprinting, but I still wasn’t enthused by the idea. I’d never put myself in a situation where there was more than a minuscule chance of it happening.

Of course, I also had my doubts about being able to imprint as the only female. Those doubts were strong enough that I didn’t worry about imprinting often.

“One day one of them might,” Embry said quietly. “And then we would know. For now though, yeah, you’re right. We don’t know about any of them.”

We both got lost in our own thoughts after that, and before the sun got much higher in the sky, we’d each went back home. I wondered if Embry’s mind was as muddled and active as mine was after our conversation.


	9. September

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you missed the last chapter and author's note, this is the second chapter to go up today. Make sure you've read the other one before starting on this one.
> 
> Again, thanks to Jezebel Jai-Braxlin for beta reading.

**September 8th, 2008**

Going by Embry’s house that morning had been weird. Running beside him in our wolf forms all the way to Port Angeles had been weird. Walking around campus with him was beyond weird. It was something else entirely.

I felt like people were staring at us even though I could see that they weren’t. True, Embry was larger than any other guy here, but no one cared enough to throw more than a passing glance our way. I had no reason to feel like I was on display, like there were invisible spotlights on us wherever we walked.

“How are you finding college so far?” I asked as we walked towards the building where Embry’s first class and mine both happened to be.

“We got here five minutes ago, Leah.”

There was amusement in his voice, but I couldn’t grin back at him. I felt too nervous. I shrugged uncomfortably at the jab. The question had been asked out of a need to say something and get my mind off of the crowd around us, but I felt like I’d been called out.

I pushed him to say more. “Your first impression though.”

Embry shrugged, looking around the campus again as if searching for something to comment on. “It seems pretty okay so far. Nothing incredible, but nothing terrible either.”

I nodded along. That was how I’d felt this time last year. Actually, it was remarkably similar to how I felt this year. It was just that this year my feelings had a different source: Embry.

For days I’d been trying to figure out why coming to school with him felt so nerve-wracking. We weren’t doing anything together that would feel out of place at home, and it wasn’t like I cared to be seen with him or anything stupid like that. I’d finally settled on the idea that I was worried about him meeting Joselyn more than anything.

Joselyn and I had been friends for the better part of a year, but she had yet to meet any of the other wolves, not even Seth. I’d been hoping to keep that true for as long as possible, maybe forever. There were too many things that could go wrong if I introduced her to more supernatural creatures.

Embry coming to school with us had ruined that plan. Forcing them to never meet would have me running around campus like a headless chicken to make it work. There was little choice but to let them meet and be prepared to intervene at any signs of crisis. That had been the best solution I had been able to come up with.

If Joselyn was going to meet any of the wolves, I would have chosen Seth or Embry or, maybe, Jake. They were the least intimidating to any outsiders. Not all of the other pack members knew how to be subtle or calm around people. I would have been much more worried about one of them slipping and saying something wrong than I was Embry.

Embry had a better grasp on how to appear… normal, for lack of a better word.

Because of that, it was reasonable to believe that Joselyn wouldn’t suspect anything strange was happening back in La Push. So, while I knew my nerves over having Embry on campus stemmed from his meeting Joselyn, I couldn’t figure out why I was as worked up as I was. I didn’t have much reason to suspect it would end badly.

Joselyn had been looking forward to it actually. She’d gotten a large grin the first time I mentioned that she would be meeting Embry this semester. It was strange when she didn’t know him, only knew of him from my various mentions of him. I supposed she was excited to meet someone else from my life. That was supposed to be a big friendship step, right? I couldn’t be sure when most of my childhood friends had known each other and my family for their entire lives.

“This is it,” I announced once we reached the door to Embry’s classroom. “Mine is down the hall. I'll find you somewhere along here,” I motioned down the hallway, “as soon as our classes are over, and we can go meet Joselyn.”

Embry nodded but didn’t say anything before wandering into his classroom. I stood outside, glancing in the doorway for a few moments before realizing I looked strange doing so. I hurried away, never getting to see if Embry settled in easily or not.

I wasn’t sure how well he’d achieve making friends. Like me, he’d been around the same people his entire life. He’d grabbed onto Jake and Quil at a young age, and he hadn’t had to assert much energy making friends ever since. The big difference was that I was on campus, so he didn't have a completely clean slate like I had. I hoped he was thankful. A little more than a year ago, I would have dumped him aside and made him scramble on his own without a second thought.

My own class was pretty full already by the time I arrived. I took an empty seat, not stressed about choosing the "right" one as I had last year. This had become too routine to bother me now.

Several minutes before class, Lucas slipped into the classroom, causing me to groan. Of course he was toeing the line of being late to the first class of the year. Again.

He hurried into the classroom, eyes scanning for an empty seat. They landed on me briefly, and I offered a small, albeit awkward smile and half wave. Lucas returned it before hurrying to the other side of the room. I breathed a sigh of relief. I hadn’t bothered to come up with an escape plan if he decided to sit down beside me. Truth be told, I’d never considered the possibility that Lucas could wind up in another one of my classes.

It didn’t take long before he was settled in a seat beside another girl, and the two of them were chatting happily until the professor arrived. Maybe they were just now meeting like Lucas and I had the year before. Maybe she was already a friend or even his girlfriend. I didn’t know, and I relished the idea of being clueless. Whoever she was, I hoped they got along and that I never had any awkward run ins with Lucas this semester. I had other things I needed to be dealing with.

Class dragged on for ages. Not only did we do nothing but discuss the syllabus, the professor was one who insisted on taking up the entire class time on the first day.

When we finally got out, the hall wasn’t crowded since most classes had been dismissed early. Embry was lounging on one of the benches that dotted the hallway, looking a bit uncomfortable. I noticed his shoulders loosen once he saw me, and I grinned knowing I had caught him in a nervous moment.

“How was your first class?” I asked as I stopped in front of his bench and waited for him to grab his bag and stand up.

“Fine,” he replied. We began walking, with me leading the way to the shady spot on campus where Joselyn and I always met. “Remarkably like any first class in high school, actually.”

I nodded along. “Yeah, syllabus days are always like that. You’ll start picking up on the differences later.”

Embry nodded, eyes scanning campus as we walked.

“Your next class isn’t for an hour and a half, right?”

Embry assured me that it was, which was convenient. Mine and Joselyn’s next classes both started at the same time as well. That was a great thing when you spent all your breaks together.

“It’s in that same building,” Embry continued.

“You’re studying engineering. A lot of your classes will be in that building.”

Embry took that as an opportunity to scan his schedule again, seeing which building each of them were in. I watched him, hoping he didn’t bowl anyone over while paying attention to his schedule and not where he walked. He could flatten a lot of the other students.

Joselyn was already perched on top of the wall when we arrived. She bounced up and down as we approached, hopping to the ground as soon as I was close enough to hug. She squeezed me so tightly that it would have been painful if I were a human, and I squeezed her back as tightly as I dared. Embry watched from behind us.

“This is Embry,” I announced once I’d pulled away from her. I ushered Embry closer so that he was a part of the group. “Embry, this is Joselyn.”

“Nice to meet you,” Joselyn said in an upbeat voice. She held out her hand for a shake, which Embry looked at a few seconds longer than normal before reacting. Probably because he’d never been in the position to shake some stranger’s hand before.

“You too,” he said, an easy smile on his face.

“You liking college so far?” Joselyn asked as she perched herself back up on the wall. I pulled myself up beside her, with Embry following on my other side.

“Everyone keeps asking me that, but all I’ve done so far is listen to a professor talk about the grading scale for an hour.”

Joselyn’s grin was amused. “Fair enough. I’m sure you’ll wind up liking it more than high school though. Everyone does. You have more freedom now, if nothing else.”

“Let’s hope my mom sees it that way,” Embry muttered.

I glanced over at Joselyn to see her looking at him curiously.

“Embry’s mom is on high alert all the time,” I told her. It was the best excuse I had. Joselyn could understand an overbearing mom, but if we delved into the topic of what Embry had done to prompt it, things became difficult to explain. This was one of those topics I tried to avoid with Joselyn.

“On high alert is one way of putting it,” Embry allowed. He must have sensed that I didn’t like where the conversation was going, or he felt the same way himself. Either way, he dropped any complaints about his mother.

“So,” Joselyn said when it didn’t appear that either Embry or I was going to speak up again. “What are you studying?”

“Electrical engineering. You? I don’t think Leah ever mentioned.”

I hadn’t. I wasn’t sure why I would have. It wasn’t like Embry ever had cause to wonder what it was that Joselyn was studying. He’d hardly known who she was.

“Biology right now. I plan to become a physician.”

I could see Embry’s eyes widen almost imperceptibly. That had been my reaction to hearing it for the first time too. It was strange being in front of a real life med student. Or pre-med, but the ambition was the same. Somehow I’d had trouble believing that some people chose that career path and went to school until I’d been confronted with Joselyn and seen her take on the workload.

“Wow,” Embry said. “That's impressive.”

Joselyn blushed, a rare look for her except for when anyone commented on her choice of profession. “Thank you. I’ve wanted to do it since I was five, so it’s just been a matter of pushing myself to do the actual work.”

“She’s forgetting to tell you that she writes novels too. Apparently, that’s only a hobby,” I interjected, even throwing in an eye roll for effect.

Embry looked properly impressed, and Joselyn was the same shade of red she always got when people complimented her achievements.

I felt out of place sitting between the medical student and the engineering student. It felt like Joselyn and Embry had their career paths nailed down, and they were worthy choices at that. And then there was me, the girl who’d chosen her major at random because she may or may not do something with it. Sometimes it felt like I didn’t deserve to earn a degree considering how apathetic I was towards the idea of studying business.

“Leah said that she’s known you for ages,” Joselyn continued, a scary looking smirk on her face. My eyes widened, knowing something unpleasant was coming. “You have got to give me some embarrassing stories.”

“Joselyn,” I protested. It only caused them both to laugh. Crossing my arms against my chest, I scowled and waited for them to stop. Eventually, Embry was able to get some words out.

“I can’t say I have any, although I wish I did.”

I looked at him in surprise. There was no way he didn’t have anything. The pack connection meant it was too easy to pass along embarrassing moments on accident. We’d all done it. I couldn’t figure out why Embry wouldn’t bring one of those moments up. Even if he'd learned of something via my thoughts, he was smart enough to conceal that bit of the story.

He caught my eye, and I saw the minuscule shrug he did when Joselyn’s eyes were averted. I could tell I wasn’t going to get an explanation. Not an adequate one at least.

By the time we were running back to La Push that afternoon, Joselyn and Embry had exchanged phone numbers with each other. They were getting along far better than I could have imagined. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so surprised. Joselyn and Embry both tended to get along with people more often than not. It wasn’t shocking that they would get along with each other.

But my school world and my wolf world had always felt incompatible. Them merging in any way had been unimaginable. It was why Embry joining me at school had been jarring. These were two isolated parts of my life that had never touched each other until now. To see my two closest friends from both factions getting along was strange yet unexpectedly satisfying.

Not that I was going to tell Embry or Joselyn that mushy shit. I’d never even call either of them my closest friends to their faces. I didn’t do that sort of emotional crap. I’d already been working at keeping my thoughts in check when Embry and I were phased together.

It was easy when I was also preoccupied with Embry’s strange reaction to being asked for embarrassing stories earlier that day. I didn’t hesitate to ask about it once we were in the privacy of our own minds. None of the other wolves in our pack were phased to overhear anything we shared.

What was with the whole ‘not having embarrassing stories’ thing?

Embry gave off a wordless thought that acted as a mental shrug. The pack had become more adept at communicating now that we’d all been wolves for a long time. Part of that had been the ability to understand simpler thoughts when there weren’t words or images attached.

I kept my mind as empty as possible to show him that I expected a better explanation than that. Eventually, he followed through.

You were uncomfortable with it, he explained. I slipped, letting a thought of surprise pass through my mind, but I controlled myself quickly, keeping my mind emotionless as I listened. If I had said something, I only would have been joking around, but you were acting like you were on edge today. I didn’t think it'd be a good idea to make you any more uncomfortable. Maybe I’ll share some of my supply with Joselyn later on. I’m sure there will be more opportunities.

The rest of the run home, I couldn’t allow my thoughts to linger on what Embry had said, not when he had access to everything that ran through my mind. Instead, I focused on the woods that we ran through. Embry’s mind was quiet too. I saw flashes of his classes from the day and things he thought he should remember, but nothing more than that.

We split up when we neared La Push. Despite being the fastest of the wolves, it hadn’t bothered me to run at his speed, and even now, I lingered to avoid phasing out before Embry did.

In the split second before I phased out, I sent Embry a ‘thank you.’ I caught the beginning of a reply, but the connection broke far too soon for me to interpret what it had been.

**September 11th, 2008**

Nessie had gotten a stack of coloring books for her birthday. That was her new hobby now that she was chronologically two and the way she was currently choosing to express her creativity.

She’d opened present after present at her party that was a coloring book or crayons or markers, and a day later, she had spread out at least five coloring books and ten packs of drawing utensils on the floor of Jake and Billy’s house. Her current projects, each only partially finished, were varied. A half-colored Barbie laid side-by-side with a half-colored picture of a detailed ocean scene. Which one Nessie wanted to work on changed by the minute.

Billy was watching a football game while she worked. Meanwhile, I felt out of place sitting on the sofa. I’d grown up with Billy Black, but babysitting his son’s imprint in his house was a situation I'd never been in before.

I wasn’t supposed to be here at all. Jake was the one who was supposed to be watching over his imprint.

But then two vampires who weren’t Cullens had wandered onto tribal lands. Both packs had been alerted to go after them, and we’d killed them shortly afterward.

Then, Jake and Sam, mostly Sam, had deemed a joint pack meeting necessary for the first time in ages. I would be the first to admit that the first non-Cullen vampires in ages were note-worthy, but Sam was more concerned than he should be. There had been no sign that these two vamps were a part of something, not two who had just happened to stumble onto the wrong lands. But a meeting was happening regardless, and Jake had been supposed to pick Nessie up to babysit.

One of the alphas couldn’t be spared for a joint pack meeting, but apparently, a beta could be. I didn’t think that was fair, but my vocal complaints about the meeting being unnecessary had made me a prime candidate for the job. My cries of sexism over Jake sending the lone female to babysit had gone ignored.

I’d picked Nessie up from Bella, packed in as many insults to the leech as I could to take out my frustration, and brought her to Jake and Billy’s to wait for her imprint to arrive and take her off my hands. It felt like I didn’t need to be here. I got why Jake didn’t want to thrust Nessie onto Billy. I really did, but Nessie wasn’t a difficult child to care for. She had done nothing except color since we got here, and it wasn’t like Billy couldn’t watch her do that.

Sure, she could throw the occasional temper tantrum, but those had gotten rarer as she aged. I could also tell that she held a respect for Billy that was only rivaled by her respect for Charlie. She wouldn’t give him an ounce of trouble. Hell, it would be a rare moment if she gave me any trouble.

Although she had just turned two, Nessie appeared to be six or seven years old. That was my best estimate. She was reaching a point where it was harder to pick out the exact year she would be if she were a human child. Sometimes I thought the more advanced development of her mind made her appear older than her physical appearance alone. If you saw her reading a book almost the size of her, it wasn’t typical to think “six-year-old” when you saw her.

That didn’t mean she didn’t have her child moments. The recent adoption of coloring as her hobby of choice, behind only reading, made her appear younger as she laid on her stomach on the floor, swinging her legs in the air behind her. And she still had her share of moments that hinted she hadn’t been in the world that long. Her naivety would strike often enough that there was no doubting she was younger than she appeared.

By the time Jake showed up, I was half tempted to ask Nessie for a coloring book and some crayons. Focusing on that would at least distract me from the uncomfortable feel of the house. Nessie didn’t feel any of that as she hunched over the outline of a mermaid to make sure she wasn’t coloring outside the lines.

I got to my feet the second Jake was at the door, wanting to go home and study like I was supposed to be doing. I had a test in several days that I had yet to crack a book for. But Jake didn’t look at me as he passed. Maybe it was the wolf chain of command that had leaked through to all parts of our lives, but I didn’t feel right leaving without acknowledgment. Instead, I hovered near the door, wondering what it was that had Jake looking so off.

Had there actually been something more to those two vampires? Had I missed something important?

Nessie sensed Jake’s mood too. She dropped the crayon she had been holding and pushed herself up to a sitting position. It took Billy a second longer to realize something was up, but when he did, he glanced between Jake and the remote, debating whether this called for turning off the sports.

Jake didn’t say anything right away. He sat down on the couch where I’d been seconds before, and Nessie wasted no time pushing herself off the floor and hurrying to his side. Jake wrapped an arm around her and pulled her into his side without looking at her.

“I need to ask you something,” Jake said to Billy without preamble.

Billy frowned and reached for the remote, clicking off the television.

“What is it?”

At this point, I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to be here or not, but it wasn’t like my presence was hidden like the time I’d eavesdropped on Seth and Al. Everyone knew I was here, and no one was asking me to leave.

Jake took a deep breath before speaking. “I know there’s been a nonverbal agreement that we don’t talk about who Embry’s father is or could be.” Billy’s frown deepened, but it was difficult to make any sense of his emotions. “But something just happened, and I really have to ask if you know anything.”

Way to search for information without flat out asking if he and Embry were brothers. I would give Jake that. Not that anyone in this house was clueless about what it was that Jake was asking. Well, Nessie probably was. As far as I knew, she’d never been told anything about the mystery of Embry’s father.

But I was also confused. What had “just happened”? They were supposed to be having a meeting about two random vampires who wandered onto our land. How had Embry’s father come up during that? If I felt like I had been missing something before, I definitely felt it now. I was cursing the day Jacob Black had deemed me his imprint’s babysitter.

Billy looked as shocked as I felt. This had been a taboo subject for so long that I had begun to believe no one would ever get any answers, not even Embry. No one had ever acted like they wanted to know the answer enough to search for it, which was what made Jake’s sudden confrontation shocking.

It took a few moments for Billy to collect himself and for his shock to become less obvious. Nessie looked back and forth between Jake and Billy, trying to figure out what was happening in front of her. Her brow furrowed, and she placed a hand on Jake’s arm. I could tell she had shown him a thought by the way he shook his head at her and turned back to Billy.

“I’m not Embry’s father,” Billy said in an authoritative tone of voice. Jake instantly deflated. I could hear his long exhale. The statement wasn’t surprising to me. I’d always known Billy Black couldn’t be Embry’s father. It hadn’t made sense. I’d thought long and hard if there would be some surprising twist where he admitted he was, but I’d never been able to imagine it.

Jake should have felt the same way, but I knew even the most minuscule of chances that his father was also Embry’s had worried him. Even if it had, he still trusted his father enough to take him on his word. There was no indication that he planned to push Billy further and make sure he was telling the truth.

Then, Billy continued and caused both Jake and I to stare at him in surprise. “But I do know more than that.”

“What?” Jake asked.

I couldn’t help but take a step towards them again from where I’d been standing in front of the door. The action was instinctive, without me realizing I was moving until they were closer than they had been before.

Billy nodded, looking away from his son with a somber expression. “I knew before his mother came to La Push. I was younger then, but I still had the connections I have now. I’m not the only one who knows, but none of the younger generation has been told. It felt unnecessary unless we could tell that Embry was going to phase.”

Jake looked angry. Any fear he’d shown over the possibility of his father betraying his mother was now replaced with anger that his father had betrayed both him and Embry by never sharing this information.

“And you never- You never thought to say anything even after Embry had phased?”

Billy’s eyes were sorrowful, but I got the impression it was more for hurting his son than personal regret for his actions.

“It wasn’t my place. If anyone should talk to Embry about his father, it's Tiffany Call. Doing so was never my place. When it became obvious she and Embry weren’t going to talk about it, it didn’t feel right for me to tell you either. I completely feel like Embry deserves the information. If he came to me directly and asked for it, I would consider giving it to him, especially now that he’s eighteen. But it was never my place to step in and say something while you kids were growing up.”

It would be difficult for Jake to argue against that. If he wasn’t struggling against an instinctual feeling of betrayal, he would have seen that. As it was, I could tell he still felt angry. Everyone was silent for a few moments, allowing Jake to get himself under control. Nessie was on her knees on the couch beside him, attempting to get to his eye level, and she was hovering closely, transmitting messages to him through her touch.

After several minutes, Jake looked up, but he still avoided looking at his father. Instead, his gaze turned to me, and I tensed up, wondering if I should have left before the confrontation had happened. It was the first time I’d been acknowledged since Jake walked into the house.

“Leah, Nessie and I will walk you out.”

It was an unnecessary gesture, which meant he had something important to tell me. I questioned how important it could be if he was bringing Nessie along but assumed it was because he felt like having her at his side right now. I nodded and headed out the door, not waiting for them to follow like I knew they would.

I was halfway down the yard before Jake caught up to me with Nessie in his arms.

“Just what exactly happened at that meeting?” I asked instantly. Raising my eyebrow and giving Jake my best serious expression.

-He sighed. I could tell from the way Nessie was watching him that she was as curious as I was, although I doubted she would have pried for answers herself. She had always had a belief that she shouldn’t ask about specifics when it came to pack details. I wasn’t sure if she felt like she wasn’t allowed because she was half vamp or because of her age. Either way, it was a bit ridiculous considering Jake would tell her anything she asked to know.

“The meeting itself wasn’t what you should be asking about.” I looked at Jake in confusion. As much as the time had felt like it was dragging on, he hadn’t been gone long enough for much to happen outside the meeting. “It’s what happened that interrupted the meeting.”

I said nothing, choosing instead to stare at Jake until he continued. He hesitated before saying anything more out of either worry about me knowing whatever it was or being unsure how to retell the events.

“Joshua Uley called Sam tonight.”

Oh. Well, that… That was a surprise. Sam hadn’t spoken to his dad since he was five. Not unless Joshua had called earlier than this, but I imagined word of such a call would have spread around the pack. It wasn’t something Sam would feel necessary to keep quiet. I didn’t think so at least.

“I’m going to ignore the obvious question of why the fuck Joshua Uley decided to do that after more than fifteen years and focus instead on how that led to you confronting Billy.”

Jake sighed, running a frustrated hand through his hair. “See, this would be a great story if it weren’t so messed up.” He paused again, collecting his thoughts. “You see, Joshua Uley called Sam because he currently as a three-year-old daughter whose mother walked out. He called Sam for help because, get this, he admits that he has no idea what to do with a child.”

“Oh, God…”

I wasn’t Sam’s biggest fan, but I could acknowledge that this was one of the most messed up things I’d heard in a long time.

“He can’t possibly--” I cut myself off, not sure what to say. “I just-- Wow… Okay. So, that led to Billy how?”

“Being told he had a sibling--a ‘for sure’ sibling at least--got Sam a little worked up. Understandable, but how he chose to take out that frustration wasn’t the smartest. He started yelling at his dad, and trust me, that was the understandable part. He swore he’d never help him, although I think he feels bad about the sister who is sure to have a shit childhood. Then, he went on to yell at Joshua Uley about everything he had done to his mother, which included probably fathering Embry. While Embry was in the room.”

My stomach knotted. I thought I might be sick. All I could do was stare at Jake in horror as he continued speaking.

“Joshua told Sam that he had no idea what he was talking about. If he ever had an idea who Embry was, he’s forgotten about it since, and Sam never used Tiffany’s name while yelling. But Joshua made it pretty clear that he may have fathered more children than just Sam and the little girl. One of them could be Embry.”

“Then why confront Billy? Joshua has always been the most obvious choice, and this is as good a confirmation as we may get. Was there a need to ask your dad? You were always against it in the past.”

Jake looked conflicted. He adjusted his weight and shifted Nessie in his arms, gripping her a bit tighter.

“I just--It’s complicated.” He paused again, struggling to find words to describe what he was thinking. “I didn’t want my dad to have cheated on my mom, right? Obviously, I didn’t. But I was watching Embry’s face as Sam yelled at Joshua, and… Embry’s my best friend. God, he’s been my best friend for as long as I can remember. He doesn’t deserve to have Joshua Uley as a father. He deserves to have a good father.

“I just kept thinking that. Even though I didn’t want my dad to be Embry’s dad too for so many reasons, I just wanted to help my best friend. He deserves better than Joshua Uley.”

I watched Jake even as he refused to meet my eyes. I could tell that he was holding onto Nessie for comfort. There was nothing I could say to change the situation, and I wasn’t going to try. In fact, I was reeling from it too in my own way.

“You’re a good friend,” I told Jake.

He didn’t have much of a response, but I didn’t need one. Without another word, I set off down the road and away from the house. I’d been itching for Jake to get back so that I could go home and study, but that was the furthest thing from my mind now.

Both Embry and Sam would be upset right now. I was certain of that. For all intents and purposes, I should have been going off to find Embry. Not even I could explain why I began heading for Sam and Emily’s house instead. Even as I walked, I had no idea what I planned to do or say when I got there.

After being alerted to my presence by Sam, Emily had the door open before I could reach the house. She tried to smile, but it wasn’t convincing in the least. Her hand was on her stomach even though she wasn’t showing yet. She liked to rub it all the time now. I could tell she was confused about why I was here.

I sighed. There was no way of making this less of an awkward situation. Now that I was here, I was also thinking about how I hadn’t been alone with both of them for more than five minutes at a time, possibly, ever. Even now that I was getting along better with them both, it just hadn’t happened.

“Can I talk to both of you?” I asked before Emily could question my presence.

She nodded, stepping aside to let me through. “Of course. Come inside.”

I entered the house that looked infinitely calmer than it did whenever I was usually here. I was used to it being full of wolves no matter the time of day. It was the congregation spot for Sam’s pack and, to a lesser extent, our pack too. 

But tonight only Sam and Emily were here. Sam who was looking at me like he couldn’t believe I was here without an obligation to be. Emily brushed past me to sit beside him, and they both watched me as I selected a seat on the other side of the living room.

“I heard about the meeting and the phone call,” I said immediately after sitting down. There was no use not starting off with that. It was the reason I was here, and they had already guessed as much. The timing was too strange for it to be anything else. “You okay?”

Sam’s eyes widened when I directed the question at him, and even Emily looked surprised though she tried to hide it. After a moment, Sam shrugged.

“I’m fine. It wasn’t pleasant, but it’s not like I suspected anything better from my dad. That call didn’t do anything but confirm that he’s as much of an ass as he always was when I was a kid.”

I nodded, not letting on that his response made me feel less guilty about the anger I could feel bubbling up inside of me.

“Just one question.” I paused, making sure I’d collected my thoughts before speaking. “Why did you have to drag Embry into it? Surely you had plenty of other shit to yell at your dad about when Embry was sitting in the fucking room, Sam?”

My voice was surprisingly calm and quiet compared to how I felt inside. It didn’t rise above its normal level, but I could tell that Sam and Emily sensed how angry I was anyway. And I was pretty goddamn furious.

Sam’s face flickered through several conflicting emotions before it settled on sadness. He ducked his head to look at his lap. “I didn’t mean to,” he admitted. “I got too angry, and it slipped out. By then, I was so angry that my mind had blinders. I hardly remembered that anyone was there, let alone Embry. I wouldn’t have said any of it if I had. It’s not like any of the shit my--our,” he choked over the word, “dad did is his fault.”

I didn’t doubt that what Sam was saying was true. I also didn’t doubt that he regretted what he’d done. None of that made me any less angry about it. He couldn’t take back his actions now. Us wolves weren’t time travelers.

“You still said it. Did you even try to talk to Embry afterward? Try to make it better?”

I could tell from the look on his face that he hadn’t. Without having been there, I could picture it all, and I could guarantee Sam hadn’t so much as looked at Embry after it happened. He would have acted like Embry wasn’t there at all because it would make the problem go away. It was the same way he had avoided me after phasing because it was the only way he knew how to deal with problems. If the problem didn’t involve fighting an enemy, then Sam’s course of action was always avoidance.

Knowing that such an avoidance was because Sam hated hurting others’ feelings didn’t make me any less angry. After everything, after us, he should have understood shit like that didn’t do anything except make the situation worse.

“Promise me one thing,” I said, standing up from my seat. I made my way to the door while paying little attention to Sam and Emily. “Just try and talk to Embry. Make it a bit less difficult on the both of you. Neither one of you should have to suffer. You could at least try to get something positive out of this. Don’t do something that will wind up hurting Embry more just because of shit your father did.

“I know some part of your mind can’t help but think of Embry as a symbol of how your dad hurt you and your mom or whatever. But you know him Sam, and you know he’s a person. A person who was abandoned by your dad too, even if he doesn’t remember it. Try to get along with each other.”

I chanced one glance back at Sam. The expression on his face was hard to read. It looked contemplative but in a way that was directed more at me than himself, like he was trying to figure out my motives. Without lingering too long, I closed the front door behind me, going home to study.

I didn’t see Embry that night. While I’d never know, I imagined he’d locked himself in his room to have an introspective session where he mused over the meaning of life or parents or whatever he got out of this.

He didn't show up to class the next day. The only contact we had was one short text message that told me not to wait for him in the morning.

**September 13th, 2008**

On Saturday, I went to the cliff as normal, not expecting Embry to show up.

When I heard the leaves rustle, my heartbeat spiked and my entire body tensed. I stared as Embry appeared and sat down in his usual spot beside me. My eyes were wide as I gaped at him. It took a long time before Embry looked back, and I forced my gaping mouth to close.

“I talked to Sam last night.”

That was it. There was no greeting or anything to lead up to the statement. He was going to launch right into that.

“Did you?” My voice was a mixture of nerves and genuine curiosity. I wanted to know more, but I didn’t want to tell Embry anymore about my involvement than he already knew.

“Yeah, it was awkward as fuck, and apparently, I have you to thank for it.”

My stomach sunk. He knew everything then. Embry was looking at me strangely, and the only thing I could do in response was shrug.

“I talked to Sam Thursday,” I admitted. I didn’t say anything more, waiting for Embry to steer the conversation.

“I know. Sam told me about the entire conversation. After a long, rambling bit about how he hadn’t meant to hurt my feelings. One I could have done without hearing to be honest. Sam is not good at apologizing, Leah. It took half an hour for him to get it out. It was like watching a beached whale struggle to get in the ocean again, but he’s too big for anyone to help.”

“Was it really that bad?”

“It was that bad.” He sighed. “Look, I’m not angry that you talked to Sam. I would rather not have had the conversation with Sam, but Sam’s emotional incompetence isn't your problem. I'm thankful that you chewed him out on my behalf, I guess. It’s also embarrassing, and Jared and Paul will mock me for the next one hundred years once they see it in Sam’s head. But it was nice of you.”

My face was hotter than it had ever felt since I’d phased for the first time. The potential consequences of my actions hadn’t been on my mind the night I went to Sam and Emily’s. Now, I wished I had stopped to think about it.

Embry wasn’t looking at me except quick glances here and there.

“It was also very un-Leah-like,” he continued. “I can’t get why you did it.”

He finally looked at me without looking away. I could see him studying me and calculating what I was thinking based on my demeanor. My face felt like it had gotten hotter, and I knew that my nerves were obvious because of my fidgeting.

“I wasn’t thinking,” I admitted. “I was watching Ness, and Jake came back. He told me about it. I was so angry about the entire thing after that, and for some reason, I went and yelled at Sam. Even at the time I didn’t get why I was doing it if I’m honest.

“When Jake started telling the story, I was just angry at Joshua Uley. It was all on him, but when Jake kept telling it, I realized that Sam had been a jackass. Maybe that brought up anger I hadn’t felt in months or maybe it was unrelated to the past. I don’t know. I just did it.”

Embry didn’t respond. In fact, he was strangely still, watching the sun continue to rise in the sky. It was above the horizon now.

We sat there in silence until the sun reached the position that signaled our departure. I rose hesitantly, waiting to see if Embry would say anything. He was always the first of us to leave, while I preferred to linger. But he wasn’t moving, and he wasn’t stopping me either. His eyes remained on the horizon where the water met the sky.

As I left him there, I heard him say quietly, “Thank you, Leah.”


	10. October

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thank you to Jezebel Jai-Braxlin for beta reading this chapter.

**October 1st, 2008**

Seth had been acting strangely for days. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out the source. Even Charlie had picked up on something, and Charlie was one of the most oblivious people I’d ever met. Anyone else would have figured out what was up with their daughter’s boyfriend, but Charlie liked to live in a bubble where everything was fine. If he picked up on anything, then it was obvious.

It wasn’t until Jake called to say that both packs were going to meet at Sam and Emily’s that night that I started to figure it out. I’d been charged with alerting half of the pack about the meeting, and Seth was the obvious first choice.

He was up in his room when I found him. It wasn’t a place he spent much time in, but I wasn’t surprised he was here after how he’d been acting recently. He wasn’t angry at everyone like he had been during his past periods of strange behavior. He just seemed… off. The best way to describe it was a preoccupation, although I had no idea what that could be. My best guess was that it involved Al.

A textbook and a notebook were open on the bed in front of him. Seth had a pencil in his hand that he was fiddling around with. I didn’t get the impression that it had been used recently. When I walked in, Seth was more concerned with the wall than with the book.

“Joint pack meeting at Sam and Emily’s in an hour.”

I hadn't meant for my words to lead to a conversation. I still had several other wolves to contact and little reason to stick around Seth’s room to talk. But something about his expression when I said it made me stop in the doorway.

My words had startled him out of his thoughts. He looked at me with wide eyes for a second before he worked on getting his expression under control.

He nodded and turned away. After glancing down the hall and debating if I should continue walking, I stepped into the room.

“Okay. What’s going on?”

Seth glanced at me for a second. I could see his chest rise and fall with a sigh.

“Have you admitted to yourself that you like Embry yet?”

“Of course, I like Embry. We’re friends,” I said, deliberately ignoring Seth’s real meaning.

Nothing about his expression showed a reaction to my statement.

“Then we’re not talking about this.”

“Our agreement was that we wouldn’t discuss our love lives,” I pointed out. “So this has something to do with that?”

For the first time, Seth looked at me for longer than a second. His expression was no longer neutral, but it wasn’t settling on one emotion either. His brow was scrunched up in a frown, and eventually, he shook his head.

“We’re not talking about it.”

I shrugged, realizing that expecting anything more would be hopeless right now. There had never been a time in the past where I’d convinced Seth to tell me anything he didn't want to. It was doubtful that now would be different. Plus, I had other pack members to call about the meeting. I couldn’t skive off my duties as beta.

“Okay,” I said with a shrug, turning to go back to my own room to grab my phone. 

Seth was still in his strange, distant mood as we walked to Sam and Emily’s an hour later. I didn’t bother saying anything. Now we were in too public of a space, and with the others coming to the meeting too, there was a large possibility of being overheard. Seth would be even more closed off than he had been at home.

The house was lively when we entered. Everyone was just as loud as normal while joking around. I couldn’t remember another time where a pack meeting hadn’t been a somber affair. I squeezed onto the couch between Quil and the armrest, watching as Seth took a seat in the corner. He wasn’t as isolated as he’d kept himself this time last year, but he was definitely keeping himself apart from the group. And it was noticeable. Jake and Embry both shot me questioning looks in response to which I could only shrug.

I looked around for Al, knowing he’d been the one to ask for this meeting. It didn’t take a genius to figure out why. Our entire pack knew what was about to happen, of course, but I knew even Sam’s pack had a good idea. That’s why I was so surprised to see Al joking around with Collin, only a hint of anxiety showing in his eyes. He might have been a good actor if I weren’t paying close attention.

Several other wolves arrived after us, but soon, everyone was quieting down in anticipation. It was the first real sign of the night that they all sensed that this was a serious moment. Al stood quickly after that, his shaking only noticeable if one paid close attention. He cleared his throat. “So,” he said, drawing out the “o” as if unsure how to continue. “There’s been enough of these lately, I think, so I’ll keep it simple. I’m bisexual.”

There was a pause as everyone looked at him. The entire thing felt more comfortable than any of the other similar meetings I’d been at recently. Al’s nerves were only noticeable from small actions here or there. For the most part, he was doing an amazing job of keeping it under control. I turned to look discreetly at Seth. He was watching Al with something between pride and annoyance.

I had no doubts now that Al coming out was somehow what had Seth in his mood. The entire story still eluded me. From what I’d been able to gather, I would have expected Seth to be happy about this, not uncaring as he was trying to appear.

“Glad to know another one of these is out of the way,” Jared piped up. Others echoed the sentiment. I wasn’t the only one who picked up on Jared’s choice of wording. A quick glance at Robbie showed that he was as stiff as he’d been when Seth had come out to both packs.

Al and Seth had become so open in recent months, and my heart lurched knowing Robbie hadn’t gotten there yet. I hoped he did soon.

Both packs would be better off if we could get rid of all the secrets between us and start trusting each other more. God knew it was something each of us had had to work on. I’d had my own struggles with it.

Now though, as everyone began joking around with each other again, pulling Al right back into the fold after doing the same for Seth several months ago, I felt good about the people who had been forced into my life. I still wasn’t the biggest fan of being a shapeshifter, but it could have been worse. There were more unbearable people in the world to be stuck in a pack with.

I forgot about Seth’s terrible mood the rest of the time I was at Sam and Emily’s. Everyone talked and laughed, and I managed to miss Seth slipping out of the house. I was walking home alone when I heard them, stopping dead in my tracks.

Seth’s voice was what had caught my attention, but it took a second longer to assess that it was Al he was talking to in the forest. Again, their argument had them too consumed to notice my presence. Again, I wished I hadn’t stumbled into this while choosing to spy anyway. I couldn’t resist. It was like I’d lost all control of my actions.

Their voices were quieter than they had been last time. It made sense considering they were just out of earshot from the house where most of the guys were still gathered. They were managing to pack quite a bit of emotion into their voices, just above a whisper or not.

I froze, keeping myself as stiff as I could manage, although I didn’t think a little rustling would get their attention. I had been walking along the road, and the asphalt beneath my feet created very little noise. The wind blew towards me, but even if it changed, my scent would mingle with those in the house before it reached them. It was doubtful they would realize I was within hearing range.

“I don’t get why you’re upset,” Al said. It was the first statement where I actually caught what was being said.

Seth responded in a blunt, irritated voice. “I’m not upset. Good for you. Hip hip hooray.”

“Yeah, hip hip hooray,” Al mimicked in an even darker tone. “Seriously, Seth? Are we still going to do this?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t pull that shit.”

“What shit?”

There was a moment of silence where I could only imagine the looks on both of their faces. I heard Al make a noise of annoyance before speaking again.

“You’re being such an asshole. I’m trying to fix things, Seth. I’m trying to fix things.”

They both went quiet again. I forced myself to stop trying to make out what their voices were saying, to turn back in the direction of my house. I had my deal with Seth. It was obvious by now that he didn’t want me to know what was going on for whatever reason. He would tell me when he was ready. Hopefully.

I was careful to tread as lightly as possible on the asphalt until I knew I was out of their hearing range.

**October 31st, 2008**

Emily was a very happy pregnant woman. That was better than her being a moody one, I supposed, but her exaggerated cheerfulness was annoying by the time October came around. The bigger her stomach got, the happier she appeared. I hadn’t spent a large amount of time around pregnant women in my life, but I didn’t think that was normal.

It could have been a sign that Emily was made to be a mother. That was one point for the mating theories about imprinting, I guessed. Maybe I should have pointed it out to Embry. I was sure he’d bring up Rachel again as a counterargument.

Speaking of Rachel, she was the first person I saw when I walked into Sam and Emily's house for their Halloween party.

Part of Emily’s overt happiness in pregnancy was a desire to have as many people around her as she could at all times. It was an exaggeration of her normal desire to be a continual hostess. Since the pregnancy, she was throwing out every excuse she could to get people to her house, and Halloween had been an obvious one.

When she first suggested the idea, it had been a costume party, but when most of your guests are wolves who hunt vampires in real life, the idea of a Halloween costume feels ridiculous. So now it was nothing more than a normal party with themed food and decorations. All of which Emily had put a lot of effort into. She'd been talking about her plans for weeks.

Rachel being here was probably the only bit that could surprise me. Her relationship with Emily had been rocky, to say the least, since Rachel’s outburst on Kim’s birthday. It was almost as if Rachel and Emily had become the newer version of Emily and I’s old antagonism. Except this time most of it was instigated by Emily.

Rachel was proving to be the only person Emily could be cold to while pregnant. Although most of the time she at least attempted to hide her anger.

“You’re here,” I exclaimed out of surprise.

Rachel’s frown deepened. She had a cup of beer in her hand, and she took a large gulp of it before answering.

“Of course I am. Paul insisted on coming, and what the fuck else was I supposed to do in La Push on Halloween?”

For a moment, I thought that all I'd be able to do was shrug lamely. “Go TPing,” I suggested from a lack of other ideas.

“I’m twenty-two,” Rachel said. “I burnt myself out on delinquent behavior years ago. That right of passage is over.”

“There’s always the ‘stay at home to pass out candy’ option.”

“I’m twenty-two, not middle aged.” She groaned and took another gulp of her beer. “There would be somewhere else to go if we weren’t in La Push,” she grumbled once she’d swallowed.

I’d been worried about this happening ever since Paul imprinted on Rachel. Well, not worried. The worry was a newer development, but I’d been anticipating it. Last year, Rachel had been adamant that she was happier in La Push than she had imagined she would be, but that wall had been cracking since her fight with Emily. Now I was waiting for it to come tumbling down completely.

I watched with an eyebrow raised as Rachel downed the rest of her beer.

“Where’s Paul?” I asked, trying to keep my voice as nonchalant as possible because I knew that increased my chances of getting an answer. If Rachel detected any worry, she’d stop talking to me, and it looked like she needed to be talking to someone.

Rachel shrugged wordlessly as her eyes scanned the room. I couldn’t tell if she was looking for Paul or more alcohol.

“Let’s go further in,” I encouraged her, trying to herd her away from the entrance way that we’d been standing in since I entered.

Without saying anything, Rachel made it clear that she had little desire to go further into the house. Based on her expression, I might as well have asked her to eat an entire plate of worms.

“Emily’s in there,” Rachel complained, and I was thankful that Emily was in the minority of the party who wouldn’t be able to hear that comment from across the house. The last thing I needed to deal with tonight was another fight. And while I wasn’t up for coddling Emily like Sam often did, there was something about yelling at a pregnant woman that was unsettling, even if her stomach was only slightly bulging.

“She is, but so is everyone else,” I pointed out. Surely there was someone besides me that Rachel was willing to talk to in there. She hadn’t been having problems with anyone besides Emily as far as I was aware, and both her boyfriend and brother were here.

“I don’t want to talk to everyone else,” Rachel complained, staying firmly rooted in her spot.

“Then what do you want to do, Rachel?”

That question made her stop pouting. Her face got distant instead, like she wasn’t quite there with me. After a minute or so, she shrugged, but that was the only response I got.

“Rachel,” I said after the length of her silence had gotten a little strange. “I’m going to go in, okay? Come find me if you need to?”

She nodded, but I still felt terrible for walking away. Something screamed that it was a bad idea even though I knew nothing could hurt her here of all places. She wasn’t in danger, so why did it feel like I was abandoning her? It wasn’t like any of these people were strangers to her. Rachel was an adult who could handle herself.

Seth, on the other hand, wasn’t an adult, and that was glaringly obvious when I saw him tucked away in a corner. He was doing the same thing as Rachel except further into the party and without a drink of any kind in his hands. He kept shooting glances to where Al was talking to Nick, and I had to roll my eyes. Anyone who so much as glanced at him would be able to see how much he wanted to talk to Al, but I knew that he wouldn’t.

I continued to push my way past everyone in the living room to get to the kitchen. Only Emily and Kim were in here, and it felt like a weight off my shoulders to be out of the room that was full of negative emotions. Emily provided a huge contrast, beaming at me as I entered. I wondered if she was aware of Rachel still standing in the entranceway or if she’d managed to stay oblivious.

Experience had shown that Emily could be very good at pretending people weren’t mad at her, no matter how obvious they were.

“Happy Halloween,” Emily greeted. Her voice was bright, cheerful, not at all in tune with the holiday we were supposed to be celebrating. I echoed the sentiment half-heartedly back to Emily and Kim, taking a seat at the table across from where Kim was chopping fruit. That had become her thing at pack parties. She took the task eagerly, happy to please.

“Nice use of fake blood,” I commented, referencing the decorations I'd seen during my walk through the living room.

Emily frowned before nodding. “Jared suggested all the blood. I’d been going for a more light-hearted approach before.”

I was impressed that I was able to reign in my snort of laughter. “It is Halloween, Emily. The holiday is meant to be anything but light-hearted.”

Emily shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. But no one was that fussed with throwing out the costume tradition.”

“I could phase right now. Would that be enough of a costume for you?”

She ignored my sarcastic remark, staying focused on the food. She’d become good at that. In the past, whenever I made such comments, Emily’s face would darken like she’d been wounded. Of course, then I hadn’t bothered to tread lightly around her. I’d even enjoyed hurting her like that a little bit.

Now that things weren’t as hostile between us, she was starting to take my more biting remarks as me being me. The newer me at least. Emily was accepting that something had changed in me since “the event,” and I wasn’t going to go back to the Leah who used to be her best friend. Slightly insulting comments were my thing now, even if they weren’t driven by as much bitterness anymore.

I watched Emily as she moved around the kitchen. All the food connected to Halloween somehow. Not one thing was un-themed. The pumpkin seeds I’d seen sitting on the table in the living room had been the least Halloween-y of the food.

“Is that supposed to be blood?” My nose wrinkled a little as I watched Emily pour the red liquid over the cupcakes she’d baked.

She nodded, not answering until she’d finished concentrating on pouring just right.

“It’s just cornstarch and corn syrup. I hope it doesn’t turn out too messy.” I wasn’t sure why that mattered when she was dealing with wolves. “I’m just happy the sugar glass turned out well.” She motioned to what looked like real shards of glass laying out on a plate, waiting to be added to the cupcakes. “I’d never made that before.”

“They look great, Emily,” Kim piped up. Emily beamed.

The compliment might have been a bit premature, but we both knew it would be true in the end. They did look great even though only a few had drizzles of “blood” so far and none of them had gotten their shards of “glass.” 

Emily went back to decorating the cupcakes, and Kim went back to chopping up fruit. Trying to find someone to help occupy my time, I wandered back into the living room where everyone else was congregated. Even Rachel had made her way completely into the room. She was in the midst of everyone, sitting beside Paul, yet she was as disconnected as she had been standing near the front door. Her entire expression was one of disinterest and detachment.

With a sigh, I navigated my way over the legs and bodies that occupied the ground. There were never enough seats at these things. Sam and Emily couldn’t have packed enough chairs in here even if they’d bothered to try. I squeezed into one of the only spaces that remained vacant on the floor, pressed between Moses and Brady.

There were various conversations going on around the room, and I listened to bits and pieces of each to see if anything caught my interest. None did. Instead, my attention was drawn to my brother, who was now more detached physically than Rachel was. He wasn't looking at Al now because Al was being blatant about how he was currently staring at Seth.

“Can I bash both of them in the head?” Moses piped up beside me. I jumped in surprise, turning around to make sure he was looking at the same people I was. I grinned at him and glanced back over at Seth and Al. When I saw both of them glaring at Moses, I had to stifle a laugh. They deserved it with how blatant they were being about their current antagonism.

It was clear that this was going to last a while. Seth’s scowl was as deep as it had been last year before he came out. It was an expression I’d hoped to never see on him again, but I guess that had been wishful thinking. Of course something was going to hurt him, and stuff would continue to do so for the rest of his life. There was no escaping that.

“It might do them good,” I quipped. I’d whispered it to Moses, but at least half the room let out short, muffled laughs. I didn’t glance at either of the boys to see their reactions, but I could see Seth shift in his chair from the corner of my eye. Moses nodded beside me, laughing a bit as well before turning back to talk to Dallas on his other side.

By the time my eyes landed on Al again, his face was flushed and he was interested in picking at a string on the armrest of his chair. Seth shot me a glare that I caught, getting my attention. I smirked back, giving him a look that challenged him to do something about Al. He did nothing but glance away, but I knew that he’d understood my meaning. He looked back long enough to jerk his head towards Embry and then turned away again. My face heated up, and I glanced around the room, paranoid that someone else had seen it and would guess what it had meant. But no one seemed to have been looking at Seth.

I took a deep breath and willed any remaining heat from my cheeks to dissipate.

That was the first time I noticed that Ethan looked aggravated as well. He was in the midst of everyone else, but he was being quiet too. His arms were crossed against his chest, and his face was set in a deep frown. I nudged Brady and motioned my head towards Ethan in a wordless question. He would be more likely to know what was up with that since they were in the same pack.

Brady followed my nod to glance at Ethan and frowned. He gave a quick shake of his head. I could tell he had an answer, just not one he could give me in front of everyone. I let it go. There was no use pushing it and getting anyone more angry than they already were. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with it.

“When will the food be done?” Rachel complained. She wasn’t expecting an answer. The comment had been so loud and not directed at anyone that I knew she’d wanted everyone to hear it.

“In about five minutes,” Emily called from the kitchen.

Several wolves glanced between each other. Emily’s voice sounded cheerful, but I didn’t think I was the only one who picked up on the falseness in it. Even Paul was frowning beside Rachel, and he didn’t have any sort of filter when it came to rudeness.

“She’s been cooking all day,” he muttered to his imprint. I didn’t think he’d wanted anyone to hear it, but of course, if Rachel was going to hear what he said, the wolves in the room would too. Most of us avoided looking at the couple, sensing drama building up. But I watched intently, worried that maybe I should pull Rachel away and get her out of the room.

She wasn’t holding a cup anymore, and I didn’t think she’d drunk enough to get drunk. There was something about her demeanor that didn’t hint at that. She might have been tipsy, but that was all.

“But we’re all here,” Rachel continued. She wasn’t showing any hints that he was embarrassed by her behavior. It was so un-Rachel-like and bizarre. I couldn’t understand what was going on or what was causing her to act like this. “We should be eating by now.”

“We will,” Paul snapped in a tone that was supposed to be final. Rachel looked at him with a challenge in her eyes, and I held my breath.

They’d never fought before. Not in front of anyone at least. That had always impressed me. Rachel was the only person who didn’t piss Paul off on a daily basis. It was like he enjoyed fighting with everyone except Rachel. And I could tell even now that he wasn’t enjoying this, that he didn’t want to fight with her.

Rachel wanted to fight though. That was obvious from the way she stared him down, the way she was trying to provoke anyone in the room willing to fight back. I couldn’t understand why she was provoking Paul and not Emily. They’d been fighting for months, but Paul and Rachel had been fine. Rachel hadn’t said a single thing that would hint they’d been fighting, not even when we had eaten dinner together two days ago.

“Food’s ready,” Emily called from the kitchen.

Everyone bolted for the kitchen. The guys were always quick to get to the food, but there was a new sense of urgency this time. Even I was right there with them, not hanging back like I usually did. Only Paul and Rachel remained in the living room while the rest of us crowded into the kitchen.

It was packed so tightly that it was difficult to move. Usually, the pack restrained themselves enough to keep everyone flowing past the food, but tonight it was a struggle to move around. Mostly because no one dared go back into the living room where Paul's and Rachel’s voices could be heard. Only a steady stream of forced conversation and slamming down of plates and silverware more violently than necessary disguised their words.

I finally reached the plates, and I saw Emily for the first time since we’d all crowded in. She was finishing up something, and I realized then that she had made her announcement before everything was ready. It wasn’t like her. The question was whether she’d been saving us from the fight about to explode or trying to help out Rachel by taking the focus off of her. I wasn’t sure.

The front door slammed, signaling that Paul and Rachel had both left. Everyone quieted down and began streaming back into the living room, freeing up the kitchen. I continued to pile up my plate, pausing only to catch Embry’s eyes with a “can you believe that just happened?” look.

Paul and Rachel never came back. Seth, Ethan, and Al all continued to sulk. Seth disappeared early too, not with Al this time. I found myself walking home with Embry when I was ready to leave, and we had no shortage of potential conversation topics.

“This has been an interesting Halloween,” I said.

Everything was quiet around us. It was too late for any children to still be out trick-or-treating.

Embry snorted. “That’s an understatement. I think that wins worst holiday event I’ve ever been to.”

“Same,” I agreed. “Although I’ll admit I don't understand everything that was going on."

“I don’t understand what’s going on with this pack most of the time, so it’s nothing new.”

“What was with Ethan though? Do you know? I tried asking Brady, but he didn’t want to say anything when Ethan could hear us.”

“Collin brought it up before Ethan got there, but that was also before you showed up. Ethan's parents told him last night that they’re getting divorced. Not a great situation, but he's still acting better than the other dramatic ones.”

“I wouldn't blame him for getting angry. He has every right to sulk. More so than the others who were all loud about it.”

“Has Rachel said anything to you about what’s been going on with her lately?”

I bit my lip. There weren't many concrete facts I could give Embry, only speculations.

“You know about the argument she had with Emily,” I reminded him. “I assume she was still angry over that. She was fine the other day. Now I’m not so sure.”

“There was something about the way Paul acted towards her,” Embry said, looking thoughtful. “He was exasperated. That has to mean she’s been getting angry a lot, at least around him if not at him. There’s no way that was the first time.”

I chewed on the inside of my cheek. I’d gotten that impression too, but it didn't explain why.

“What does she have to be angry at Paul about?” I asked. I hadn’t expected Embry to have an answer when I didn't, but after I said it, I could see he was debating whether he should answer. “What? What do you want to say?”

Embry sighed before speaking. “Think about it. We’ve each known Rachel our whole lives, and we both know how adamant she was about getting out of La Push.”

“Yeah, back then. She’s older now. Things change. I’ve talked to her about this since the imprint. She said that she wasn’t sure about the future but that she was fine in La Push for now.”

“And that may have been true when she said it, but it’s not that ‘now’ anymore.”

I wracked my brain. How long had it had been since Rachel and I had had that conversation? I couldn’t remember. It blurred together with so many other conversations we'd had.

“You think she’s unhappy with Paul or unhappy with La Push?”

“La Push,” Embry answered quickly. “She’s an imprint. I don’t doubt for a second that her and Paul are meant for each other. Plenty of couples fight. She can’t yell at La Push. She can yell at Paul. And Emily, for that matter. They’ll be fine in the long run. I just don’t know what it will take to reach their happy ending if they still have the issue of La Push between them.”

“Paul can’t leave while he’s still phasing, and he’s the furthest of us from being able to stop. If Rachel keeps provoking him, she’s only going to make it more unlikely.”

“That is a catch-22.” Embry sighed. “I don’t know how it’ll work itself out, but it will somehow. It has to. They literally can’t live without each other. It would be too painful.”

I’d experienced the pain of being separated from an imprint through the other guys’ minds. Embry wasn’t exaggerating. Paul was bound to La Push while he was a wolf. There was no way he could live somewhere else, and as long as that was true, Rachel would be in La Push. She would be even more miserable somewhere else if it were away from Paul.

We came to a stop in front of my house, and I let out one last, long sigh.

“Here’s hoping for the best, I guess.”

Embry nodded in agreement. “Good night, Leah.” He smiled at me, and I couldn’t help but smile back.

“Good night, Embry. I’ll see you at sunrise.”


	11. November

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Jezebel Jai-Braxlin for beta reading this story.

**November 19th, 2008**

“Robbie wants to meet with the pack after school today.”

I tried to suppress my surprise. Joselyn was sitting right beside me, and I didn’t have an excuse on hand for why I was surprised at what I’d heard from the other end of the phone call.

“Really?” I asked, wracking my brain for a way to ask Jake for more information while being ambiguous.

“Really,” Jake confirmed. “I’m as surprised as you are. I wasn’t expecting him to ask for one any time soon.”

I hadn’t either. There had never been a time when Robbie acted ready. I’d thought Seth and Al both coming out would help boost Robbie’s confidence, but outwardly at least, it hadn't. I was even tempted to believe this meeting wasn’t for what I thought it was, not that Robbie could have anything else to say. Not anything that constituted a pack meeting like this.

“I’ll just be glad to get this over with,” Jake said. “I’m happy for them, but repeating this over and over is getting old.”

“You say that to any of their faces, and I’ll punch you in yours.”

Jake laughed on the other end of the line. “You know, I remember a time when Leah Clearwater wouldn’t have dared defend anyone like that.”

“I always would have defended Seth like that.”

“Fair enough.” I could picture Jake's shrug perfectly in my mind. “But not the others. You used to try so hard to be cold and tough. Sometimes I manage to forget that these days.”

“Shut the fuck up, Black, or I’ll punch you in the face anyway.”

“Is that going to be your go-to threat from now on?”

“Would you prefer the balls? Because I’m willing.”

Jake laughed, which only made me feel angrier. “Okay, okay. No more mentioning the fact that you have a heart, Leah. We’ll keep pretending that it’s made of stone.”

I didn’t bother with a retort, but I couldn’t help the satisfied smile on my face. That was the way I preferred things. Of course, I also preferred believing no one noticed my kinder moments, an illusion Jake felt the need to shatter.

“I’ll be at there,” I said. “Do you need me to call any of the others?”

“Nah. You have class. I can take care of it. Most of them are in school anyway. We can’t call. Robbie will round them up after. That gives him plenty of chances to chicken out if he wants.”

I rolled my eyes. “He won’t chicken out once he's worked up the courage. The embarrassment of not following through is enough of a deterrent.”

“Probably,” Jake agreed. “Just one thing, can you tell Embry when you see him? It’ll be easier than calling. I only have to get ahold of Quil.”

“Yeah, I got it. Bye, Jake.”

“Bye.”

While Embry and I ran back to La Push later that day, I couldn’t shake the anxious feeling dominating my mind. I wasn’t sure what the explanation for it was. Jake was right when he said we’d done this enough by now that it should have become nothing. Yet I knew how Robbie had felt. The memory of that day on the beach kept running through my mind on campus, and I was impressed I managed to keep it from my thoughts while we were phased.

I knew Robbie had to have resolved himself to the idea of coming out. The positive reactions to Seth and Al had alleviated some of the fear, but it couldn’t have gotten all of it. And because I had experienced Robbie’s fear in a way Seth and Al hadn’t shared theirs with me, it felt stronger and more real. Of course, I couldn’t share any of that with Embry, so I was sending him little more than anxiety as we ran.

What’s up with you, Leah? he asked once we weren’t far from La Push.

I sent him a mental shrug, not sure what else to say. Just stuff over the meeting, I guess. These things are never exactly pleasant.

Were you this worked up before Seth and Al came out too?

Another mental shrug. Of course I was worried about Seth. He’s my baby brother.

Robbie will be fine, Leah. You know that. It’s not like anyone will react differently than they did with Seth or Al.

I made sure Embry got a big dose of my annoyance. I don’t actually think anything bad will happen, Call. It’s how nerve-wracking this is for Robbie that’s got me.

He’ll be fine too. Great actually, I would imagine.

I didn’t argue. Embry was right. I had no good reason to second-guess that outcome. None of that changed the fact that my stomach was churning as we reached the Black house.

We were the last ones to arrive, a feeling I was getting used to at these meetings. That wasn’t a problem when it saved me from having to wait around in the awkward tension. This time was better than the last two, I would allow for that. Robbie was the only one not at ease. Seth was even grinning, which I assumed was out of happiness for Robbie and also getting to have another pack member who was out. Al wasn’t showing as much outwardly, but I did get the impression that he was pleased.

I wondered why neither one of them talked to Robbie as much as they did each other when they realized he was in the same boat. But whatever reason had caused them to keep distance between themselves, they were happy for him.

Robbie looked as anxious as Seth and Al had. He stood up once Embry and I had taken our seats. I noticed that he was shaking a bit, but it wasn’t like the vibrations signaling that we were about to phase. These weren’t supernatural; they were the normal human shaking that came along with nerves.

Everyone watched him, and it made Robbie shift his weight on his feet. His eyes scanned over us, looking for signs of what we were thinking. When his eyes landed on me, I tried my best to look encouraging, even offering the kid a smile. He should be thankful.

As far as I knew, I was the only one in this room he’d ever said this to. I wasn’t surprised when he decided to keep his eyes on me while he spoke, but it did make me feel pressured to school my features carefully. I didn’t want anything I did to be interpreted as negative.

“Right,” Robbie said after being quiet for a bit longer than was normal. The word came out mangled, and Robbie cleared his throat. “I know that we all know why we’re here. We’ve done this enough. But I figured I needed to do this anyway. It’s not going to feel real otherwise.”

He took a deep breath to gather himself. I smiled at him again.

“I’m bisexual. Like Al. I get that most of--all of you, actually, have figured that out for yourselves, but there it is. I’ve said it.”

The usual quietness followed the confession. I was happy that this should be the last time we’d have this moment. Well, actually, it wouldn’t be since this knowledge was only within our pack. There was another pack of wolves who would find out in time, but judging by Robbie’s behavior, we might be waiting on that one.

“Thank God,” Quil exclaimed, sinking back into the couch like it was him who’d been stressed out over this confession. “I’m glad this is over for us. The entire pack knows everything. This means everyone around me will stop frantically trying to cover their thoughts, right? Because it's been painful to watch. You guys are all goddamn obvious.”

Any of the other wolves might have taken Quil’s comments as Quil being Quil, but Robbie shifted his weight again. I knew he felt self-conscious over Quil’s comments on his past behavior.

“Shut up, Ateara.” I shot at Quil. I wished I had something to throw at him besides words.

Quil smirked, opening one eye from where he’d thrown his head back against the couch. “Thank you ever so much for saying ‘please,’ Clearwater. I’ve never gotten that from you before.”

“I’m still covering my thoughts,” Embry threw out there, deflecting attention in a way he was good at. “It’s not like I need you knowing every single thing that goes through my head.”

He aimed a light punch at Quil's stomach, and Quil put up a huge fuss as if it had actually hurt him even as he was grinning.

“Why though?” he asked once he’d given up on getting an apology from Embry. “What do you people have to hide from me? I can take it.”

Quil had always been one of the wolves who controlled their thoughts the least. It wasn’t from a lack of skill either. He’d never been interested in learning how to do it. He was the closest wolf I knew to an open book. At least since Seth had closed himself off. The more time passed, the less likely it was that Seth would ever be that open again.

“I wouldn’t call it hiding so much as ‘things we don’t feel the need to blatantly share,’” I said with a roll of my eyes. “It’s like knowing your parents have had sex but not wanting them to say as much to you.” I smirked as the guys made gagging noises and yelled at me. “There are just some things you don’t spread to everyone, Ateara.”

Quil still had a look of disgust on his face. “Fair enough, but none of us are parents. I might as well get sex thoughts from you guys. It’s not like I’ll be getting any for about two decades. Although, it’s not like anyone here seems to be getting any either.”

They room went quiet, with everyone shifting in their seats. Well, everyone except Quil and Jake who would happily talk about their lack of romantic lives like normal people discussed new relationships. It was something they were proud of. Although I wasn’t so sure the younger guys were ashamed of their non-existing relationships as much as they were nervous about any talk of sex. I tended to forget they were still at ages where sex was something whispered about in secret.

But the awkwardness over a discussion of sex was better than keeping everyone’s attention on Robbie, who had sat back down and looked more relaxed. Hopefully, it would stay that way.

**November 27th, 2008**

Thanksgiving was another holiday spent with both packs except this time our families were there too. I wasn’t sure what to expect from that or why Emily was so intent on doing this, but my mom was all for it. No one else mentioned it being a disastrous idea despite Halloween. Now they wanted to add family members like Embry’s mom who had no idea about us, and they expected it to go well. It was hard for me to get why I was the only one against the idea.

But Emily was over the moon about it, and everyone was inclined to go along with the whims of a pregnant woman. It turned out that was an excellent negotiation tool with the guys. Most of them, especially the younger ones, were worried Emily was going to turn into the stereotypical moody pregnant woman. They were willing to go to great pains to keep her happy, even though she’d shown no signs of mood swings.

The best part of this Thanksgiving was that Nessie was the only Cullen invited. I could still remember last Thanksgiving, the day my mom and Charlie had announced their engagement. This Thanksgiving would have an easy time beating that one.

Bella and Edward had decided to sit out Thanksgiving this year. Apparently, Thanksgiving felt like a pointless holiday to vampires who couldn’t eat. Who knew?

I knew the idea of that had bothered my mom at first. She’d been worried that Charlie would be upset over not celebrating Thanksgiving with his daughter, but Charlie was oblivious that Mom was even worried about him. He spent enough time with Bella that one holiday off wasn’t too bad of a deal. He’d have his granddaughter at least. Eventually, Mom had gotten that and stopped worrying about it.

A couple of hours into the event itself, I had to admit that things were going better than they could have been. The family members not in on the secret had adopted the same attitude Charlie had used with Bella. They didn’t understand everything, but they pretended like there was nothing to be confused about. Even Embry’s mother, always confrontational about Embry’s strange behavior, was nothing but friendly.

Sure, Seth and Al still weren’t speaking to each other much, but they’d tired out of constant glaring. Ignoring on their part made it easier for the rest of us to act ignorant of there being a problem. Especially since they had stepped up their efforts to act fine in order for the holiday to go over smoothly.

Everything was a standard mixture of the average pack get together and the average family Thanksgiving. Nothing noteworthy happened until we were halfway through the meal, and Robbie burst out, “I’m bisexual,” to the entire table.

I dropped the hand that had been lifting my fork to my mouth and stared. Judging by the quiet, everyone else was having a similar reaction, but I was too focused on Robbie to confirm that. Robbie fidgeted. His eyes were wide. It looked like he hadn’t been planning to say it, and it had somehow come out on its own.

Leave it to Quil to be the one to break the silence again.

“Thank God. That's completely out of the way. Cheers, Robbie.” He held up a fork speared with both turkey and ham.

Robbie flushed and stared down at his plate, moving some mashed potatoes around with his fork.

“I just wanted to get it out of the way,” he muttered. “I hadn’t meant to do that until five seconds ago.”

“Just think,” I said. “Now you don’t have to do it again.”

He glanced up to give me a halfhearted smile and then turned his gaze downward again. Everyone else was quick to go back to their food, and Robbie brightened up after that. A weight had been lifted from his shoulders, and he began talking much more excitedly than he had been at the beginning of the meal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second-to-last chapter of this story, but there will be a third. (It may be a bit before it's out though because of stuff that I'll talk about a bit more at the end of the next chapter.) I'm going to try my hardest to get the last chapter up tomorrow, but I can't guarantee that it will be.


	12. December

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Jezebel Jai-Braxlin for beta reading this whole story. Her input really did help a lot, and I appreciate all of it.

**December 3rd, 2008**

In my third semester of college, I knew that finals week was a pain. Once you had finished, you wanted to get out as quickly as you could. You relished the break you’d be getting from classes. But this semester I didn’t get that jubilant period that I felt entitled to after not failing any of my finals. (Or not feeling as if I had failed them, at least. I had yet to find out the official results.)

I got out of my last final of the semester to three missed calls from Jake. It was strange that he was so desperate to get ahold of me when he knew where I was and that I had important tests to take today.

I began walking towards the library. That had become mine, Embry, Joselyn’s go-to meet up spot now that it was winter. While Joselyn hadn’t had any finals today to warrant coming to campus, I had told Embry I would wait for him so that we could run home together. The walk was the perfect excuse to call my alpha and figure out what the fuck was going on.

The phone only rang once before the click came, signaling that Jake had picked up.

“Thank fucking God,” Jake exclaimed. “Embry’s not answering his phone.”

“Embry’s in a stats final,” I reminded him. “One that he’d flunk if he pulled his phone out. What the hell is going on, Jake? You’re not usually overbearing enough to call five times when I don't pick up.”

“Yeah, well, Joshua Uley doesn’t usually come back to La Push either.”

I froze in the middle of the sidewalk, causing a girl to run into me from behind. She glared as she maneuvered around me, but I didn’t have the patience to bother with apologies. I stepped to the side, giving people leeway to get around me, even if some still glared.

“Oh.” I said, unable to come up with anything else.

“Yeah, ‘oh.’” Jake sounded angry, but I knew him well enough to know this wasn’t directed towards me. That was the only thing keeping me from snapping back. “Excuse me for wanting to warn my best friend that the prime candidate for his father has shown up after twenty years. And he has a toddler in tow.”

“Where did he show up exactly? Where is he now?”

“He showed up at Sam and Emily’s, but he’s not there now. That only lasted about five seconds. Sam made his half-sister cry the first time he met her, if you could consider it meeting. I’m not sure that bodes well for his future as a father.”

“Where’s Joshua now then?”

“The diner. We tracked him there to see what he was going to do. Me and Quil that is. Sam refuses to have anything to do with it, wants to pretend his dad isn’t actually here. The man doesn’t act like he’s planning to leave. I thought Embry might like some warning."

I chewed on the inside of my cheek, trying to think about what I could do in this situation. Not much.

“I’ll tell him,” I assured Jake. “If he doesn’t want to go back, we’ll commandeer Joselyn’s house for a night. I’m sure she’d let us.”

Even in the silence, I could tell that Jake was gearing up to give me a command, albeit not a binding alpha order.

“Just promise me you’ll call if Embry says he’s going to confront him about anything. I want someone else to be there. Just in case.”

“Got it. I’ll keep you updated.”

After the call, I felt on edge. I didn’t have anything to occupy my time in the library. For half an hour, I did nothing but think about the ways this could play out. By the time Embry arrived, I’d gone through every possible scenario. None of them were good.

Embry hovered over me, waiting.

“You ready to go?”

I nodded, slinging my bag over my shoulder. I hadn’t bothered to unpack anything the entire time I'd sat there. We were quiet as we walked out of the library, but Embry kept throwing inquiring glances towards me. We were on the edge of campus, heading for the woods, before he spoke.

“What’s up?” It was such a simple question, but it felt like it held so much weight.

I forced myself to stop chewing on my cheek to answer. “Have you checked your phone since you got out of your test?”

Embry frowned at me, now looking worried. He stopped walking, forcing me to double back a couple of steps, and pulled his phone from his pocket. Flipping it open, he held down the power button until it began to turn on. I stayed quiet as we waited an eternity for the home screen to appear. A notification popped up telling Embry that he had ten missed calls from Jake.

He glanced up at me as if calculating how much I knew. “What’s going on?”

I scanned the area around us. A lot of students were already gone after finishing their finals, so there wasn't anyone to overhear. And this problem had little to do with wolves, even if it was intensely personal.

“Joshua Uley showed up at Sam and Emily’s today. With his daughter.”

A wide range of emotions flickered across Embry’s face. I bit down too hard on my cheek, and it began bleeding, filling my mouth with the taste of blood.

“Oh,” was the only sound Embry could make.

“He’s refusing to leave until Sam speaks to him. As far as I know, he’s still there. Do you want to go back to La Push? I told Jake already that we could spend the night at Joselyn’s possibly. Not that I’ve asked Joselyn yet.”

Embry shook his head immediately. “We don’t have to disturb Joselyn. She doesn’t need to be dragged into it.”

I wasn’t sure if she would have been dragged in per se. She would still only have bits and pieces of what was going on. But going to her house would have required some sort of explanation, and it was understandable if Embry didn’t want to share the story.

“La Push then?” I asked.

Embry nodded and began leading the way towards the woods. Once hidden in the trees, we phased, and I searched Embry’s thoughts for a hint about what he was feeling. As usual, it was locked away and inaccessible. Just as I had been expecting.

As we ran, Embry paid a heightened amount of attention to our surroundings, the only hint of how desperate he was to conceal his thoughts. I didn’t push him.

We were halfway to La Push when Jake phased, surprised to realize where we were heading.

“So, you’re coming back?” he asked hesitantly.

“Why wouldn’t we be?” Embry asked. His tone was almost nonchalant in comparison to what I knew he had to be feeling. “It’s not like I’m going to go speak to Joshua Uley, but why should I let him scare me away from home?”

Jake had never been as good at concealing his thoughts as Embry or me, but it had been necessary for him to develop the skill some. The fact that his emotions were shining through now showed that he was taking this rather hard.

No, it doesn’t, but it’s not always the easiest to hide from people in La Push.

Truer words had never been spoken--or thought. I’d tried my hardest to do it for a long time, and it had never worked. I showed as much through the pack link, mostly on accident, but I didn’t bother trying to hold back.

It’s fine, you guys. There was annoyance in Embry’s thoughts, something rare for him to show us. I’ll just go home. I don’t have to run around La Push playing roulette.

Jake’s thoughts became confusing, as if he were thinking of a million things at once. Eventually, he channeled it into one train of thought.

He called Sam and Emily’s house, left a message on the answering machine. He’s gotten a motel room and says he’s not leaving until Sam talks to him. In a big shock to all, Sam refuses and will continue to refuse. If Sam inherited that trait from Joshua, then he might be around a while.

Embry’s thoughts sorted through the new information, debating his options. It was too important of a decision for him to put if off just to disguise it from us. Embry considered ways he could avoid Joshua, how easy it would be, or if he should talk to the man who could be his father. That would get things out of the way, get the mystery over with.

We were nearing La Push now, almost to where Jake was currently pacing. Embry pushed his thoughts aside, stuffing them away and out of sight.

I’ll worry about that later. For now, I’m just going home. I’ll stay there more than usual if I have to. My mom will enjoy it.

On other days, sure, I countered. But she’s going to hear that he’s back. Joshua leaving was huge gossip back in the day from what I understand. People are going to talk, and your mom will hear it. If you start acting weird, she’s not stupid enough be oblivious.

The silence of Embry’s mind said enough. He didn't want his thoughts heard anymore.

I’ll figure it out, he said before phasing out, escaping our mental intrusion.

**December 5th, 2008**

The next two days, Embry was abnormally quiet and withdrawn. He was taking the idea of avoiding Joshua Uley at all costs seriously. Embry had kind of become a recluse. He’d never been a social butterfly, but he did do things, which he hadn’t been interested in the past couple of days.

It was understandable when he stood such a good chance of running into Joshua Uley if he stepped out of his house. The man was everywhere. And I meant everywhere. I saw him four times in the span of two days.

The man acted like he needed to broadcast his reappearance for some reason. I didn’t know if it was a show for Sam or the rest of the rez, the ones who could remember him leaving. Whatever his motivation, he was here, and he was being blatant about it.

“You need to do something tonight,” I told Embry as soon as he’d opened the door to his house.

He looked at me skeptically. “Hello to you too, Leah.”

“Yeah, yeah. Hello. You’ve been locked in your house for more than twenty-four hours, and all you’ll give me are short text messages. It’s our first Friday of winter break. We’re doing something. You can’t let that man ruin your holiday. You can’t let him ruin anything.”

Embry glanced over his shoulder at something before turning his attention back to me. He sighed. “I'd actually already planned to do something.”

My stomach dropped. Maybe I’d been too overzealous in believing he wouldn’t have anything to do tonight, that he wouldn’t have made plans already. I shouldn’t have assumed, and now this entire thing was going to be a huge embarrassment.

“Oh?” I willed my face to not betray how thrown off track I felt.

I could tell from Embry’s expression that I looked too uncaring, but that was better than humiliation.

“Yeah,” Embry said awkwardly, shifting from foot to foot. “I, uh, I was going to go talk to Joshua Uley.”

It took a good ten seconds for Embry’s words to penetrate my brain and make sense. In that span of time, I could do nothing but stare, and even once I’d gotten it, I couldn’t stop staring.

“You are?” Just getting those words out was one of my more impressive accomplishments of the day.

“I--yeah.”

I watched Embry for a few moments as he stared down at the ground, scratching at the porch with his shoe.

“I’m coming with you,” I announced.

Embry’s head jerked up, and he stared at me in shock. “You’re what? No, Leah. I’m not going to ask you to.”

I shrugged. “You’re not asking me to, no. But I’m going to.”

Some part of my brain was aware this was overstepping my bounds. Confronting your absentee father was something people might prefer doing alone. Yet Embry looked so unsure about doing it, no matter how determined he had decided he was. If he was going to go through with this, he’d need someone to force him, and I was the one willing to play that role.

“Someone will have to be there to make sure you can stand up to the man,” I half-joked.

Embry offered me the slightest of smiles before his mouth dropped into a frown again.

“You’re sure?”

I nodded. “Positive.”

That was all the confirmation Embry needed. He began taking the steps down the porch and marching across the yard. I hurried to keep up.

“Let’s go then,” he said as he walked. “The sooner I do it, the better.”

We walked around La Push. Embry had remained isolated for more than a day, but somehow, he knew about Joshua’s business around the rez recently. All the more proof that nothing was private in La Push. Everyone knew everything.

With no sign of where the man was, we took to wandering around, hoping to stumble across him. Phasing would have been quicker, but Embry was determined to do this the human way.

I decided that I might as well use the time we’d be spending searching to ask other questions.

“Why now?” I asked. It was the most obvious question, and one that was bothering me. “You’ve always refused to ask your mom or anyone else. Why now?”

Embry stared at the ground as he walked, hands in the pockets of his jeans.

“I never wanted to confront my mom about it because I was worried about hurting her, I guess. It didn’t seem worth it to question her if it would upset her too much. What difference would it make if I knew? Plus, if there was a chance that it was Jake’s or Quil’s dads… I didn’t want that. I didn’t want to know that for the sake of my best friends.

“But there’s such a good chance that Joshua Uley is my father, and I don’t give a shit about him. If he’s here, I might as well ask him. I can get answers, and no one I care about is hurt.”

I wasn’t so sure that there wouldn’t be shockwaves from this. Ones felt by plenty of people, including Embry’s mother and Sam. If Embry needed this though, then I wanted him to have it. His mother and Sam would benefit from the information being out there in the long run, even if it took time for them to accept that.

It took us longer than expected to stumbleupon Joshua Uley, but we finally did outside of the store.

“Is your mom working today?” I asked Embry. Anticipation was bubbling up inside of me, but the presence of Embry’s mother would put a stop to everything.

We watched from across the street as Joshua moved around the store, going in and out of sight as he walked along aisles and past the windows. I saw Ms. Barber, another worker there alongside Embry’s mom, but it didn’t mean Tiffany Call wasn’t in the back. Part of me couldn’t help speculating that Joshua had come here to look for her, and the idea left me feeling sickened. If he had, it could mean a variety of things, but none of them would make Embry feel any better.

“She should have gotten off an hour ago.”

Despite that fact, Embry sounded apprehensive. He was staring into the store and watching Joshua's every move.

Joshua ambled out of the store, a bag in his hands. Embry moved immediately, not waiting for me. It was like I no longer existed. Embry had a bigger mission on his hands.

“Joshua Uley?” Embry asked loudly when he was halfway across the street.

I hurried behind him, careful to stay at least one step behind so I wouldn't divert attention from Embry. Joshua stopped dead in his tracks, looking Embry up and down with judgment on this face. He did the same to me afterward, and I shivered as he cataloged my features.

Without answering he asked, “Who are you?”

Embry took that as confirmation.

It was hard to believe this was the first time Embry was looking his father in the face. Or at least the man who was most likely his father. His features were schooled into a passive expression that revealed nothing, but I could tell he was about to burst and let everything he’d been feeling his entire life out.

“I’m Embry Call. Tiffany Call is my mother.”

The silence was deafening. Joshua Uley stared at Embry with shock on his face, and in that moment, there was no denying the truth. I took in a sharp breath as the man took a step forward. His gaze raked over Embry in a new way, as if he were analyzing him for clues about the truth himself.

When the man spoke, it wasn’t with the words I’d been expecting, but then again, I hadn’t been sure what to expect. I’d never watched someone confront the father they’d never known before.

“You were in preschool or something when I left La Push. I only saw you from far away maybe twice in your life. Tiffany was good at avoiding me once she moved back here. Made me wonder why she stayed like she did.”

Embry took in a sharp breath, and I glanced at him, worried about how he was going to react to this.

“And why was she so desperate to avoid you?” Embry asked, wanting to hear the words. His voice was trembling, but I didn’t think a human would be able to pick up on that sign of weakness.

The man was looking intently at Embry’s face, still searching for something.

“She never told you then,” he said, not looking for a response. He laughed in a self-deprecating manner. “Of course not, but I can see you figured it out for yourself. Probably smarter than your mother.”

Embry growled and managed to startle Joshua. The man took several steps back, eyes wide before he was able to control himself and once again look like the uncaring asshole he was.

“It’s just a fact, son.” There was an added sneer to his voice when he addressed Embry that way, and Embry stiffened, immediately uncomfortable. “But if you’re stupid enough to need to hear it, I am your father. Pity too. It ruined what your mother and I had going. If she’d only gotten rid of you, things could have stayed the same, but she insisted on having you. Had the horribly misguided notion that we could be a happy family. It’s why she moved here from Makah. I ruined that dream before she’d moved everything into that goddamn house. She was heart broken, but she would have known if she had been more intelligent.”

Embry’s entire body was shaking. I stepped forward to place a hand on his arm, willing him not to phase. The last thing we needed right now was a wolf killing someone, even a human as awful as Joshua Uley.

“Why are you even still here?” Embry spat at the man. “Sam’s not going to give you shit, you know? It’s useless.”

Joshua smirked. “So you and Sam are friends. Ironic that. Funny how life goes. But to answer your question, I’m not looking to gain anything from Sam. That’s just the warm up to get to what I really want, which is to pawn something off. More or less.”

Embry realized what he meant quicker than I did. His response was biting.

“You’re trying to dump your daughter on them.”

Joshua Uley’s smirk widened, impressed that Embry had been able to work it out for himself.

He avoided answering the accusation though, as he had with Embry’s other questions.

“You can’t deny,” he drawled. “That she would be better off with anyone other than me. I’m doing her a favor.”

As much as I despised this man after knowing him for only several minutes, there was no denying that he was right in a way. Giving up his daughter was the best thing he could do for her. There was no hope that he’d suddenly morph into a loving father and raise her well. Tricking his oldest into taking her was cruel though, so I couldn’t give him too much credit. Regardless of any positive outcome, his motivations were despicable. A better parent would have surrendered the child without manipulation.

“Where is she now?” I asked, speaking for the first time since we’d walked up. Joshua looked me up and down again, calculating. He raised one eyebrow in a wordless question. “Leah Clearwater,” I said in place of a full explanation for my presence. “You’ve been seen around the rez a lot lately, and I don’t think your daughter has been with you at all."

Joshua brushed off the comment. “She’s back at the motel safe and sound.”

If Joshua was spending as much time away from the motel as the whispers suggested, that girl was hardly safe and sound. As little as I knew about children, my best guess was that this was child neglect. She was only a toddler, and I was pretty sure they weren’t supposed to be left alone at all. Claire never was.

“Of course,” Joshua continued. “I only learned that Sam was married once I got back here. I thought that made things more convenient at first, but then I learned that the bitch is pregnant. I really hate when people ruin my plans.”

“Not as much as people hate when you ruin their lives,” I muttered under my breath. It was too quiet for Joshua to hear, but Embry smirked at me and glanced over before his eyes fell back on Joshua.

Joshua’s eyes flickered between us, able to tell that we had exchanged something but having no idea what that was.

“Well,” he said with an exaggerated sigh. “This has been fun, but I was on my way to the liquor store. I need something good in my system before I have to go listen to that screaming brat again.”

He left, not glancing back at us. His car grazed past Embry, almost brushing him, but Embry didn’t move. I took a hesitant step forward once Joshua was too far away to be seen. Embry shied away as soon as I tried to place my hand on his arm.

“I’m going to go,” he muttered, voice shaking. “I want to be alone.”

I nodded even though he wasn't looking at me and watched as he disappeared into the woods.

**December 26th, 2008**

Sitting in the cold December wind before sunrise made me thankful to be a wolf. Winter sunrises would have been too unbearable to be worth it otherwise. And with a whole month away from classes, I wanted to take full advantage of the sunrises.

That wasn’t turning out as ideally as it could have. Embry had been quiet for weeks now. He didn’t say much of anything to me or anyone else. By now, both packs knew that Embry had confronted Joshua. Sam knew that he had a brother. Neither of them did anything about it. In fact, everyone danced around the fact, acting as if nothing was different than it ever had been. Embry and Sam both preferred it that way.

Except it was impossible to act like Joshua hadn’t made an appearance because he’d left an undeniable reminder behind in the form of Simone Uley, a withdrawn, fearful three-year-old who, in a twist of fate, looked more like Embry’s sister than she did Sam’s.

Only several days after speaking with Embry, Joshua Uley had decided that his patience had run thin, and he wasn’t going to sit around and wait for Sam and Emily to willingly take Simone. He’d up and left in the middle of the night, leaving Simone behind in the motel for staff to find. The police had been contacted, and of course, Charlie had known right away to call Sam to the station.

They’d had little choice after that. Joshua hadn’t been inconspicuous. There was a warrant out for his arrest, but he hadn't been found. If he was, neither Sam nor Embry planned on seeing the man again.

Emily and Sam had faced the choice of taking Simone in or surrendering her to foster care, and they had chosen the former. Emily was ecstatic, if in a strange way with dark undertones. It wasn’t a great situation, and Simone made it clear that her experience with adults was unpleasant. Suddenly there were rules about the wolves coming to Sam and Emily’s because we scared Simone when by ourselves, let alone in large numbers.

If anyone would be able to get the girl out of her shell, I'd place my bets on Emily. Even in the midst of preparing for her own baby, she was focusing so much of her attention on Simone that I was amazed. The girl was all I heard about anymore when I spoke to her.

But I didn’t hear anything about Simone from Embry. I didn’t hear much of anything from Embry. He kept coming to the sunrises every morning, but we didn’t talk like we used to. It felt ironic when I was bursting with more things to say than usual, but I didn’t dare be the one to broach such sensitive topics. Not when it was clear Embry didn’t want to, not when he continued acting as if he’d never even spoken to Joshua Uley.

“How was your Christmas?” Embry asked abruptly. I was caught off guard. It was the first thing he’d said to me other than hellos or goodbyes in days. He never said anything that could be construed as the start of a conversation.

“It was nice,” I said. “Quiet. Charlie went to the Cullens, so I didn’t have to see Bella or Edward. That’s always a bonus.”

Embry nodded in a way that made it difficult to tell if he'd actually heard me or not. I longed to ask him about his own Christmas, but I didn’t dare do so. It was doubtful that he had an answer he was willing to give me. But then he surprised me by giving me an answer that I hadn’t actually asked for.

“Mine was nice too. Mom finally started acting kind of normal again.”

My brow furrowed. “She wasn’t acting normal before?”

Embry frowned. “Not really. Not since the day Joshua Uley showed up. It helped push me to see him, I think. But she only got stranger after I did. I think she suspects that I figured it out. She acts like she does, and in some ways, I know I've been obvious. She’s too scared to bring it up though.

“Then, yesterday, she acted fine. Like there was nothing strange between us, and it was nice. I’d been getting ready to tell her everything, and then she acted completely normal. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t tell her. Not if things are going to go back to normal. I can’t risk bringing up Uley, and I definitely can't risk bringing up the wolves.”

I sighed. Part of me wanted to tell Embry to just tell her, to get it over with and out of the way. But I wouldn’t. This was something he needed to do at his own pace, and I needed to use my strength to stay out of it.

I scooted closer to Embry so that I could rest my back on the same tree that he always reclined on. I pressed my shoulder and arm up against his. It was the closest thing to physical affection I could achieve without feeling self-conscious.

“You know,” Embry remarked. “You’re the only person I would have let tail along with me that day.”

I sucked in a sharp breath. “That’s not true,” I insisted. “There’s Jake and Quil.”

Embry shook his head. “Not Jake or Quil. I wouldn’t have.”

I was confused. I had no idea why I would eclipse Embry’s two best friends as being worthy of witnessing something so personal to him. That didn’t feel right. Then again, it hadn’t felt wrong to be there at the time. It had felt natural. Of course I was standing alongside Embry as he did it. But now that I was stopping to think, how had I wound up there? And why would Embry take me but not his best friends?

“You can’t be serious,” I said, trying to make my voice sound as uncaring as I could. “Why would you bring me before them?”

Embry shrugged, not answering for a long time.

“I spend more time with you, you know?” I hadn’t known. I’d never given much thought to who Embry spent his time with when he wasn't with me. “I still see Jake and Quil plenty, sure. I’m not saying I don’t spend any time with them, but I do see you more between school and sunrises and whatever else.”

“What are you saying, Embry?” My voice shook as a spoke, and I felt much more nervous than I had around Embry in a long time.

But Embry just shrugged again and didn’t look prepared to give me an adequate answer.

“I think I’m saying that you’re my best friend?”

“The way you worded that as a question really makes me feel secure.”

He smirked and chanced a glance at me. “Okay. I consider you my best friend. Is that better for you?”

“Yes.” I nudged him in the arm and gave him a smirk of my own. I tried to press down the feeling that had erupted in my stomach and the million thoughts running through my head. I could only hope that Embry wouldn’t notice the deep breaths I was taking to calm myself down. “For what it’s worth, I consider you mine too. Don’t tell Joselyn.”

Embry smiled a full smile at me. In that moment, he rivaled the sun, which was shining brightly in the sky. It was a rare day with few clouds.

“Deal.”

We split ways soon after, and I felt both better and worse than I had before.

Better because Embry had been happier when he left me than when he’d shown up that morning. And, as much as I loathed admitting it, I felt happier when Embry Call was happier. It gave me peace of mind knowing he wasn’t as somber as he had been over the recent weeks.

But I was also feeling like complete shit. Because, for the first time, I thought I was going to have to tell Seth that he was right and fulfill my end of the deal. The only good thing about that was that I’d finally get to learn more from my brother.

As for Embry Call, I couldn’t decide if I loved him or hated him at the moment, but I was going to have a hell of a time figuring it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. So, this is the end of You Can't Hide Forever. Thank you so much to everyone who read and commented! It means a lot. In case you're wondering, this isn't going to be the end of these stories though. I do plan on writing another story that continues it, but I can't guarantee when I'll be posting that.
> 
> The thing is, I'm now a senior in college, and in the first two weeks, senior year has already shown me just how hectic it's going to be. I've hardly had time to sit still, let alone focus on something that isn't school. I've been lucky to get these chapters up like I have (and it's mostly because I got them all written and edited before the semester actually started). I'm still going to be writing throughout the school year of course. I can't not. (Well, can't not write creatively. Since I'm an English major, I wouldn't actually have the ability to not write at all anyway.) But I'm not sure how much it'll be.
> 
> As of right now, I have three in progress one-shots that I'm going to be working on whenever possible, and they'll go up whenever I finish them. (One of them is Twilight and could be related to these stories or not depending on how you want to view it. The others are other fandoms, including a fandom I've never written for before.) For now, I'm just going to work on those whenever I can instead of starting up the next one of these stories. That's a big commitment, and I just don't know if I have time for it right now. At the very least, I'll be working on it come next summer, but I doubt it'll take that long. But I can't one hundred percent promise you that you'll be seeing a third story, even if it takes months before I'm able to post it. I just have to put school first right now, and it's being very demanding.


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